


In the End

by thoughtlessblogger



Series: The Draw [5]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Deception, Infidelity, Kid Fic, M/M, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Harry, POV Louis, Sad Ending, Smut, Violence, you know sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-05-24 09:32:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 72,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6149155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtlessblogger/pseuds/thoughtlessblogger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis' family has spent the last seven years thinking he's dead and he's spent the last seven years regretting all his decisions, so what will happen when he compromises a mission and they find out he's very much alive?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Left Me Cold and Out of Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, if you don't know, this is a part of a [series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/326945). If you don't want to read the other parts, I'm sure you can go straight into reading this and be mostly okay, but as the person who wrote all this I'm going to say, go read the rest. As a person who doesn't want people to be confused, go read the others.
> 
> Okay, so, I warn you now this is not happy. This isn't happy on purpose and if you don't want to read unhappiness then don't read it. It says major character death for a reason. Also, there is violence. So again, if that's not your cup of tea, don't read. If you have any questions about this, please feel free to contact me.
> 
> I know I've said this before, but this time I'm serious when I say this is the end, my friends. It's been a long road and I'm happy with the way this is turning out. I've got it mostly planned and I'm going to go ahead and say there is a reason I've decided to do what I'm doing. 
> 
> I've got the first two chapters completely done and I was going to wait longer to start posting, but I can't. I have no idea how long this is going to be or how regularly I'll be able to update.
> 
> If you want to talk about that or have questions you can find me on tumblr at [thoughtlessblogger.](http://www.thoughtlessblogger.tumblr.com)
> 
> As usual, pay attention to tags. This is predominately angst. Like a lot of it. Just angst.
> 
> All mistakes are my own and I don't own One Direction. There are inaccuracies and things that are just generally wrong. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!

When Louis wakes up, eyes still closed, he turns on his side, reaching for Harry, but when his arms meets nothing but the cool mattress beside him, he sighs. It's been a long time since he's slept in long enough for Harry to have been out of bed this long before him. It used to happen almost every day, but then they had Claire and Louis would wake multiple times during the night just to check up on her. He lost a lot of sleep that way, but it was worth it.

He slowly opens his eyes, startling when he takes in the room around him and sees he's not at home with Harry. Dog isn't there, there isn't Harry's horribly patterned chair in the corner, no pile of Harry's books on the bedside table, and none of Harry's weird art on the walls. He's in D.C. where he's spent the last almost seven years consistently. 

In place of that horrible chair of Harry's there's a wooden, rickety thing that Louis isn't convinced is a chair. Instead of piles of Harry's books, there's an empty bottle of vodka and a half full bottle of sleeping pills. The walls are empty except the odd, abstract painting Niall had given him last year that he'd refused to put up until Niall showed up one day with a nail and hammer. 

This is his home now.

Sitting up, he groans. It's been a _long_ time since this has happened. 

He'd dreamt about Harry last night, dreamt that they were together. They weren't doing anything special in the dream, just cooking a meal together. It'd felt almost real and it threw him off. 

He hates when he dreams about Harry because for the rest of the day he's in a horrible mood and he can admit that because he knows its true. It used to happen a lot more in the beginning of all this. Harry and Claire would star in his dreams – and nightmares – more often than not and sometimes he'd wake up thinking they were still in his life. It was always hard to come to the realization that they weren't around.

It never happened when he was out on jobs, but when he was back in D.C. it was every night. It got to the point that he would be so disoriented when he'd wake up that he stopped sleeping for a while and when that proved too difficult, he'd took up drinking. But that didn't take the dreaming away. It only numbed the self-inflicted pain. He probably would have kept up the drinking had Liam not showed up one day and dumped all his alcohol down the drain and threatened him with bodily harm if he kept it up. 

Liam was serious about the bodily harm. It's the only thing that made him want to stop.

But it was hard in the beginning, knowing his family was out there grieving him. Knowing they were alive, living a better life than he could have ever given them. Knowing they thought him dead. Knowing that someone would come along eventually and replace him.

_It's for the better_ , he'd remind himself on his particularly bad days. They're better off without you. Look at all the pain you caused them when you were around.

Still, he missed them and hated himself for a lot of his decisions.

He's never gotten over Harry and Claire, but it has gotten easier to deal with. Over time wounds heal. The pain will never go away and he'll always remember them, but it is easier. He's had “relationships” with other people, but Harry is always in his heart and it prevents him from going further than a quick, meaningless shag with someone. Every time it felt like he was cheating on Harry, even if he knows logically that Harry has probably moved on.

That hurts more than he'll ever admit.

Like he was ordered, he's stayed away. _Against_ orders, he kept tabs on them for a brief time. He knows that Broderick was able to pull some strings and Harry was able to keep the money he got from his company as some sort of silent, anonymous partner. They were both able to keep their first names, but they're now Harry and Claire Twist. And they were set up just outside of Manchester, so they were able to stay in the England, at least. It makes Louis feel a bit better that their lives weren't completely disrupted.

But it's for that reason he knows Zayn has kept him out of the UK. He's always been worried Louis will lose his mind and hunt them down. Maybe he would have if he'd not been so convinced they were better off without him. Still, Zayn knows it's easier for Louis to stay away if he isn't close to them.

His family is safe, he knows that, but that's about it. He knows nothing more. He doesn't know if someone has replaced him, doesn't know if Dog is still around of not. He doesn't know anything of substance.

It doesn't bother him much anymore, but occasionally he'll have a bad day where he does nothing but think about them and how they're doing. He wonders sometimes if they really are better off without him. He wonders if they'd accept him back without a problem if they knew what had happened.

Sometimes he wishes he'd have made a different decision because he misses them terribly, but then he shakes his head because they really are better off without him. It's still hard knowing they think he's dead when he's really out risking his life every day to save the world.

Louis rolls his eyes at himself, pulling the duvet off. It's too early in the morning for his dramatics. 

As he steps out of bed to start his day, he ignores the voice in the back of his mind telling him he's never been truly happy since he left his family.

**

Louis has never once in his life managed to fix his being late problem. It's never been too serious a problem because he's always been his own boss, but since this thing started Zayn gets pissy with him every time he's late to a meeting. Louis always reminds him that Zayn's late all the time, which results in Zayn telling him to fuck off or he'll send Louis to some desert for reconnaissance for a year.

Zayn never gets truly angry with him about it, though, so he never rushes when he's going to be late. But today he knows Zayn has an important briefing to give them about this newest threat. Louis hasn't been paying much attention to Voila because he's been busy with other things. Zayn likes to keep him busy, whether it's because he knows it keeps Louis' mind off things or not.

He once spent a year in Bahrain undercover and once he'd gotten all the information he needed, he'd lead a SWAT team in. It was a fight that lasted nearly two days and they lost two of their agents, but the mission had been successful. 

After, he'd spent two days at home sleeping, then immediately flew to Sudan where he spent the next four months.

So, he stays busy, which is both nice and tiring. It does keep his mind off things, but he's constantly putting his life in danger. It's his job, though, and he's saved countless lives even if some of the things he has to do is rather immoral and truly horrible things.

When he'd been in Mexico, working under the head of a very successful drug cartel, he'd had to kill people, torture them, and sell drugs in order to not give up his true identity. He hated every bit of it – had nightmares every night – but in the end, he'd done what he'd had to. He got the information needed and took down the drug lord.

Niall had gone through a similar thing in Japan. There'd been a group in Kobe that dealt in drugs, weapons, gambling, extortion rackets and prostitution. Niall had to take part in most of it before he'd managed to find the weak spot.

Lucky for Liam, he mostly deals with their tech, creating new and making sure the old works well enough. He doesn't usually go out in the field, but occasionally he'll tag along with someone because he gets bored. Zayn, being in charge, never goes out in the field unless one of his agents is in trouble or something very pertinent needs his attention.

Things have changed for them a lot in the last six and a half years and Louis definitely feels like he takes the brunt of it. Maybe it's because he sacrificed the most to be here, but it's how he feels, though he'll never admit it to them.

He walks into the office just as a hush falls over the room as every one notices Zayn appearing at the balcony edge that overlooks the room, face stoic and dark. Like Mufasa on Pride Rock, he looks powerful up there. This is his kingdom and they're his subjects, a lucky few of them his most trusted of knights. 

He spots Liam and Niall across the room looking quite grim. They probably know what this is about better than anyone. Zayn had put Niall in charge of the group watching Voila. Liam just always knows everything. Louis suspects he's got every room in the building bugged.

“As many of you know,” Zayn starts, eyes not settling on one place for too long, “for the better part of a year we've been looking into a group that call themselves Voila. As you also know, not much is known about them, other than the fact they're stationed in Europe, are quite dangerous and also mostly anonymous.”

He pauses, taking a breath. “We know of one confirmed member of the organization,” Zayn continues. “An Alan Keats. He's a nobody if you ask around. Just your basic run of the mill criminal, who's never been convicted of a thing because he's too stupid to be caught.” 

There's a few snickers throughout the room at that. Louis doesn't think it's funny. Criminals like that are always the most dangerous. 

“However, we have information to suggest otherwise. He is, not one of the leaders of Volia, but he's been providing them with most of their information. We've been tracking him for months now, but we have yet to figure out how he's getting his information.” 

He pauses again, taking a breath and glancing around the room. “We suspect that he's bribing, lying and cheating his way into his information and Volia is paying him for whatever he finds and reports to them. We also have reason to suspect that he's not as loyal as Volia thinks he is, that he may be hiding pertinent information. We think he'll spill more for more. If he's threatened enough or offered enough money, we suspect he'll give all he knows to us. So, we need someone to go get him.” 

“I want Intelligence and Analysis to start gathering information on every single person Keats has ever been around,” Zayn finishes, turning on his heel and disappearing into his office.

People around him go back to work, the noises of the office soothing to Louis' bad mood.

The job Zayn's about to assign is easy and he'll send one of the younger, less important agents to do it. Not that it means it doesn't take a smart, well-trained person to do it. Threatening a guy like Keats to get what you want is easy, but difficult at the same time. If he has one single, fleeting second where he feels his life is in danger he'll run, probably straight to Voila. All the agents they have here are more than ready and prepared to do something like this.

Louis just knows how Zayn's mind works. He'll send a lower level agent to do the dirty work and when it's time he'll send someone like Niall or Louis – not Louis, though, because this is predominately in Europe – to do the more important, more grueling work.

“Why were you late?” Liam asks as he and Niall walk over to him. 

“Wasn't late,” Louis replies, making his way through the maze of the room.

“Okay, why did you walk in just as Zayn did?”

“Didn't sleep well,” he answers, not mentioning the dream.

They know anyway. He's in a mood, snippy and short and they can tell that with just the few things he's said. They know exactly why he's being like this too, but they won't mention it. They haven't mentioned Harry and Claire in years, stopped when they realized it did more harm than good.

“You should try meditating,” Niall suggests as they reach the stairs. “That always helps me.”

It helped Harry too, Louis thinks depressingly, though he doubts Niall mentioned it on purpose. He highly doubts anyone but him knew Harry meditated.

“Or reading,” Liam adds. 

Louis isn't sure, but he thinks he sees Liam shoot Niall an aggravated look. Maybe Liam knew then.

“Lads, I'm sure I'll sleep fine tonight,” he tells them. “I don't sleep sometimes, you two know that.”

Niall hums. “Yeah, but not sleeping isn't healthy. Not sleeping can drive a person mad. Look what happened to Fields.”

Fields didn't go mad from sleep deprivation. Fields went mad because of the shit he experienced while he was stuck in Cambodia. He doesn't point that out, though.

“And you're all ready halfway there,” Liam quips.

They reach the top of the stairs. Louis ignores them to walk straight through Zayn's open door. Niall and Liam probably share a concerned look. He doesn't care.

Zayn's standing by the window, staring out of it, doesn't acknowledge Louis throwing himself into one of the chairs with a loud sigh.

“You sure you just didn't sleep well?” Liam's concerned voice asks from the doorway.

“Yes.”

Zayn turns then, brow furrowed. “You didn't sleep well?” he asks Louis before addressing Liam and Niall. “Shut the door and the blinds.”

“The window's closer to you,” Niall points out.

Zayn lets out a loud breath through is nose. “The ones on the window overlooking the office,” he says, motioning to it.

“Oh.”

“What's this about?” Louis asks cheekily. Zayn never shuts those blinds unless it's something serious.

He doesn't seem amused. “Louis,” he sighs out. “You know Voila has bases throughout Europe, including several in the UK.”

“Yeah,” Louis draws out, not seeing where Zayn's going with this. “That's why you're sending someone there for this Keats fellow.” 

Zayn purses his lips, taking a deep breath and placing his hands on his desk, gripping the edge. “I'm not just sending anyone, Louis. I'm sending you.” 

“Oh.” 

Niall and Liam are nervous, he can tell, especially by the way Liam walks around the desk and stands next to Zayn, biting his lower lip. He doesn't understand this. True, he hasn't been to the UK – hasn't really even been to Europe – in the last sever years, but he can do it. It wasn't his decision. It's the UK they're sending him to, not the actual place his former family is in.

He can handle it. If Zayn didn't think he could he wouldn't send Louis there.

Liam opens and closes his mouth a couple times before saying, “We have tracked Keats to Manchester.” 

Louis freezes, feels himself pale, starting to get dizzy. So they are sending him close to his family. Zayn's made it a point not to do that before. Why now? Why at all? “Manchester?” he asks, eyes wide. “No. Seriously? That's close to-.” 

“I know,” Zayn says slowly. “I know, but I need someone I can trust to do this. It's important and serious.”

“You can't send Niall?” Louis asks, gesturing to him.

“You know I would if I could.”

“You've got other agents who are just as capable, if not _more_ than me.”

Zayn nods, licking his lip. “Lou, if you really don't want to do this, I will send someone else.”

Rolling his eyes, Louis slumps back into the chair. “I can do it,” he defends. “I'm just surprised is all. You've never sent me anywhere close to the UK. I know why even if you haven't told me.”

“You're right, I have kept you from there,” Zayn agrees. “But I figure if you can go this long without doing something stupid, you can manage a quick job.”

“Well, of course I can manage it,” Louis says, holding a hand up to his chest. “I'm not an idiot.”

Zayn watches him for a moment, eyes searching. “Good,” he says finally. “You'll leave for Manchester in two days. Today and tomorrow, I want you to study up on Keats.”

**

He leaves today and he's more nervous than he probably should be. He's not worried he'll fuck up the job and he doesn't think he'll derail the whole thing by hunting down his family, but he's _worried_ he will.

There's a chance he'll be too busy to, but he knows no matter what's going on he'll be thinking about how close they are to him. Not like they'd want to see him once they realized he'd been alive this whole time. They'd be pissed and hurt and confused and Louis knows if it were him in their position he definitely wouldn't want to see him.

But he's nervous. He's good at controlling himself most days, but sometimes things get too much and he just does or says something he knows he shouldn't. He's really hoping he's got everything under control this time.

He doubts it, though.

He'd woken up this morning in a cold sweat after his third straight night of dreaming about Harry and had considered ringing Zayn and telling him there was no way in hell he was going to do this. Zayn chose him for a reason, however, so he's going to do it, no matter how worked up he is.

Showing up to the office for his pre-flight briefing, he'd thought he was doing a good job of hiding his nerves, but then he realized his damn hands were shaking and there's only so much he can do to hide that. 

Liam most definitely noticed the shaking when Louis went to pick up his tracker. Liam didn't comment. He's not seen Niall, which is good because Niall _would_ comment on it.

Zayn's noticed, if the way his eyes lingered on Louis' hands is anything to go by. He'll say something about it, which is why Louis is out of his seat and running for the door before as soon as the briefing is over. 

He's fast, but Zayn's faster, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him aside. “Louis, please don't do anything rash,” he says quietly. “Stay on task. We will be tracking you, so if you deviate from where your supposed to be I will send Horan after your arse quicker than you can blink.” 

Louis scoffs, despite knowing Zayn's worry is real. “Please, what makes you think I'd fuck this up?” 

Zayn's features soften, his grip on Louis' elbow loosening. “Harry and Claire,” he says simply. “Please stay away from them. You know what it would do to them. To you. Please.” 

“Of course,” Louis sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I'm going to do my job and that's it. Get in and get out as quickly as possible.”

He says it more to himself than to Zayn, but it does the job. Louis isn't convinced, but Zayn seems to be. “Okay,” he nods, releasing Louis' arm.

Louis nods, heading for the door. Silently, he curses Zayn. He was working on not thinking about it. He was trying not to, but now that Zayn's gone and acknowledged it, it's all he'll be able to think about it. It makes it more real not that Zayn has said something.

He should have said no.

When he's to the door, Zayn's voice stops him. “Remember, Keats is alone, except for his dog.”

He doesn't know what that means exactly or how it's supposed to help, but he turns and nods anyway before walking out of the room.

**

He's been looking for Keats for two days, was about to give up when he finally found him in a pub. Louis hadn't been in the pub to look for Keats, so it'd been lucky when Keats had walked in and sat in a booth, facing the door.

Alan Keats is in his mid-twenties, tall and skinny, dark skinned and apparently fluent in six languages. (Louis' a bit jealous of that last bit. He can only speak one language fluently. There's like two others he can speak enough to get by. It's pathetic really.) Keats doesn't have a wrinkle on his face, but he's got dark circles under his eyes. And he's fidgety. Louis can't decide if it's due to nerves or if he's always like that.

Louis' been watching him from across the room and ten minutes ago a woman dressed in all black walked in and sat down with him. It's not been a long conversation between the two of them and Louis doesn't know if this is business or pleasure for Keats, but when the woman takes out money and hands it to Keats, he has a feeling he knows.

Perking up, he watches as the woman leaves, Keats five minutes behind her. Louis throws some money on his table and follows after him, trying to remember a time when the bad guys were older than him. 

It's chilly outside and Louis pulls his jacket tighter around him when the wind blows. He follows Keats a couple of blocks before he turns into an alley.

Louis slows. Keats must know he's being followed, is probably trying to set up a trap. Unless, there's some other reason he'd go into an alley on his own in the middle of the night. Regardless, it's Louis' job to get him even if he doesn't know what he's about to get into.

He follows Keats into the alley, a punch hitting him right in the jaw as he turns the corner.

So he did know he was being followed, after all.

He was caught off guard, but when Keats goes to hit him again he ducks out of the way, shoving Keats back. Straightening, Louis kicks him in the abdomen causing Keats to grunt and stumble back, bent over. Louis stalks over to him, grabbing him by the back collar of his jacket and pulling him up, punching him in the stomach.

Keats doubles over when Louis releases him. “If you stop attacking, me I'll stop hitting you,” Louis tells him. “It's that easy.”

Standing up, Keats frowns. “Don't think so.”

Then he's launching himself at Louis, hitting him in face again. Louis spits out blood, wiping at his mouth. “Nice,” he says, lunging for Keats. 

He catches him off-guard, managing to get him pinned to the wall, with an arm across his neck. “Okay,” he says as Keats struggles to get free. “You know why I'm here. Tell me what I want to know.”

“I won't tell you anything about Voila,” Keats spits, struggling harder.

Louis applies more pressure to Keats' neck. “Where is Voila's main base?”

“Fuck you,” Voila growls.

“I will kill you,” Louis tells him. Keats doesn't seem too bothered by that, still struggling against Louis. Maybe he should take his gun out. “Who's the leader?”

“Go ahead and kill me,” Keats replies.

Louis sighs. This isn't getting anywhere and he doesn't feel like going through a whole interrogation in an alley and there's no way he can drag a conscious or unconscious Keats someplace to do it more privately. He's got to come up with something.

_“Remember, Keats is alone, except for his dog.”_

Zayn's words echo through his mind. Louis still doesn't understand it fully, but he's willing to try.

“I'll hunt your dog down,” he threatens, watching as Keats stills, eye widening. 

“You wouldn't.”

“Try me,” Louis replies, cocking an eyebrow. “Now, tell me about Voila.”

“They're too big for you,” Keats tells him. “They're everywhere. Not just in Europe. There's no way you can take them down. Not with what they have.”

It's cryptic and Louis wants to hit him again, but that would undoubtedly undo everything he's done. “Who's the leader?”

Keats laughs. “You should know,” he says. “But I'll tell you since you don't. A-.”

Before Keats can finish something is jabbing into the back of his neck and he's falling to the ground, clutching at his neck. Keats takes off and whoever this new person is kicks Louis in the lower back and he falls forward, hands hitting the ground to brace himself.

It's got to be the woman from the pub, he thinks. He's not above killing her for this, but he'd prefer to get through this trip without death and mayhem. Except when he staggers to his feet and turns around, it's not the woman from the pub. He's staring into the green eyes of a masked man – he thinks it's a man. The person is taller than him, anyway, has to be a man.

His eyes trail over the person, catching on the glint of light coming off the knife hanging by their side, carefully gripped in their hand. 

“Oh who the fuck are you?” Louis asks, shaking his head.

The person doesn't reply, lunging at him with the knife. Louis sidesteps quickly, throwing a punch and catching the person's face. It doesn't stop them, though, as they lunge at Louis again.

Louis scrabbles for his gun, but can't reach it as his attacker is relentless. They keep lunging at Louis, swiping the knife at him.

“Can I at least know who you are?” Louis asks, ducking as the person swipes at his head. “Not fair I don't know who's attacking me. Especially since you have such nice eyes.”

His attacker pauses, tilting their head, clearly throw off by Louis' comment. Louis, silently praising himself for it, reaches back for his gun. He feels the cool metal in his hand just as a sharp pain is shooting through his left side.

“Shit,” he spits out, pulling his gun out and pointing in front of him, his free hand gripping at his side.

The man stills, knife still raised and pointed at Louis.

When the man speaks, it's Louis turn to be caught off-guard. “I knew you were alive, Louis Tomlinson,” he says.

Louis' eyes narrow, searching his brain for some recognition at the voice, searching for something that will give him a clue as to who this man it, but nothing's there. He starts to ask how the man knows him, but the man kicks the gun out of his hand and takes off out of the alley.

“Um,” Louis draws out, blinking after the man. “Okay.”

He looks down at his side, blood soaking through his shirt. The cut isn't as deep as it could've been and it nearly missed him anyway. He should be fine, just needs cleaning and some stitches. Applying pressure, Louis thinks about going to a hospital, but he knows that's out of the question.

They'd ask questions and his cover might have been blown tonight and he might be arrested. He needs somewhere he can hide without being found out by anyone. Somewhere he can take a day or two to recover.

He takes the tracker Liam had given him out of his ear and drops it in the alley. Walking away, he pictures Zayn back in America, pacing as he sees the tracker stop moving and mumbling for him not to do it.

If Louis were there he wouldn't listen. Thousands of miles away and he definitely won't listen.

**

He hadn't meant to look up the address and he certainly hadn't meant to drive almost an hour to the address he isn't supposed to know, but here he is. Walking up to the door is difficult for several reasons. There's no guarantee anyone will be home. And if someone is, he doesn't know who it will and if that person is even someone he knows. He doesn't know how he'll be received either way, especially since the state he's in. Mostly, though, it's because he's lost a lot of blood and the adrenaline is wearing off and he's feeling the pain, worsening with every breath.

He can feel the blood soaking through the gauze he'd stuck over his wound, but he keeps heading toward the door. There's a light shining through the curtains of one of the windows. Louis doesn't know if that's a good sign or not.

Once he's to the door, he takes a deep breath before ringing the bell, listening closely. He can hear the sound of chatter, a girl's laugh, and a dog barking frantically. So he knows of one person that's home.

It's a few seconds before the door opens, revealing Harry and Louis holds his breath. He's got his head turned, calling over his shoulder. “Don't even think about touching it while I'm not in there, young lady! I will know i-.” He turns his head, cutting off immediately. His eyes widen, mouth popping open. 

They stare at each other for a couple of seconds, Louis leaning on the door frame. Harry looks – well he looks fucking amazing once you get past the shocked and disbelieving expression on his face. His hair is shorter than six years ago, but it still reaches his shoulders. There's more grey in it, but it still looks so soft. His face has more wrinkles, but he's aged well.

He looks great as usual and Louis' not sure how to deal with that. A part of him had hoped Harry had aged horribly, lost his hair or summat, in hopes he'd not be attractive to Louis anymore. That's not what's happening at all.

“Harry,” he says eventually, slowly and softly. 

Harry jumps at that, whether it's because he was in some sort of trance or because he's not heard Louis say his name in almost seven years. “Louis,” he gasps out. But quickly, his eyes narrow. “You're supposed to be dead.”

Louis shrugs, forcing himself not to wince in pain. “Well, I'm not.” 

Harry's mouth opens and closes a couple of times before he settles on, “Why are you here?” 

It's not mean or accusing, but it's just the right amount of _something_ Louis can't place to stop his heart. “Was in the neighborhood.” 

Dog runs in then, grey and a bit feeble. She immediately recognizes him and sits at his feet, staring up at him and wagging her tail. Louis greets her, bending over slightly to pat her head. He's a bit surprised she's still alive, but really she was always extremely healthy for her age whatever it was at the time.

“Louis, what are you doing? I don't understand.” Harry sounds a bit panicked, disoriented and it throws Louis off more than it should. He didn't expect things to be okay or easy, but he didn't expect this, whatever _this_ is. “Are you going to answer me?” 

“Dad!” 

Louis' eyes flick to the hall over Harry's shoulders at the sound of Claire's voice. Harry watches him, eyes searching. 

“You need to leave,” he rushes out when Claire calls again, this time closer. “I don't know what's going on or why you're here, but you need to go. Now. Please just go. She doesn't need this. Don't do this to her. _Please_.”

Harry's practically begging and for the first time since he got in his car earlier he realizes what he's done. His family has been living perfectly fine without him for close to seven years. They've thought he was dead. They grieved him, moved on, learned to live without him, and now he's at their door and everything they've thought has changed. 

He's just dropped a bomb on them. They may not recover from this at all.

“Yeah, okay,” he breathes out. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I'll go.” 

He starts to turn, but all at once he hears Claire start speaking to Harry about why he wasn't doing something and then a bowl clattering to the ground as she gasps. 

“Papa?” 

“Claire, go to your room,” Harry tells her. 

She doesn't listen. “Is that-.” 

“Claire, now.” 

Louis, halfway out the door, squeezes his eyes shut and breathes, bracing himself on the door frame with the hand not clutching his side. He turns slowly, eyes apologetic as they land on Claire. 

She's around his height now, tiny and her blonde hair pulled back into a bun. Her blue eyes wide and confused as Dog is licking the contents of the bowl off the floor in front of her. She's grown up so much, must be about sixteen now, he thinks.

Seeing her now hurts more than Louis thought it could. She's grown up so much and he's missed it all. He knows what she looks like now. Her hair is lighter, whether it happened naturally or she dyed it, he won't know. But he knows what she looks like. He doesn't know _how_ she is.

He doesn't know her personality, her hobbies, what she likes to eat, or how she gets along with Harry. He doesn't know anything and it stabs a pain through his heart at that.

Claire looks like she's seen a ghost and he supposes that, for her, she has. Louis is supposed to be dead and here he is standing in her doorway. 

“Hello, love,” Louis chokes out. 

She only blinks at him and he notices Harry's got his eyes closed, hand gripping the door handle as he tries to keep calm. Harry starts to say something, but is cut off when someone else enters the room.

“Hey, what's going on you two?” 

Louis' eyes land on a man, around Harry's age. He's the same height as Harry, hair dark, with one single streak of grey through it. (Louis bets he did it on purpose.) He looks warm and comfortable in Harry's house. Louis doesn't like him.

He rests his hand on Claire's shoulder and that's when it hits Louis. This man is, in some capacity, him. He's the person Louis hoped Harry would find, but secretly wished he wouldn't. 

Deep down he knows he wants Harry to be happy and if finding someone else makes him happy, Louis' okay with that. He's wanted Claire to grow up with several people who loved and cared for her and not just one grieving father. 

But there's always been a part of him that selfishly thought one day he'd be reunited with his family and he'd take his place again. Harry having found someone else would have seriously messed with that dream. That's the reality of what's happening, though. Harry had found someone else, it seems.

Louis doesn't know how to deal with it. He'd thought he'd been prepared for that, but it's different seeing it. Seeing it makes it real.

He's disrupted whatever life they've made for themselves here – without him – and now nothing can go back to the way it was before. Nothing can go back to when Louis was still alive and with them and happy. Nothing can go back to ten minutes prior when they knew Louis to be dead and had moved on.

Louis fucked up. He made a mistake. He shouldn't have come here.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come,” Louis rushes out. “I needed somewhere-. I'm sorry.” 

He turns to leave, but a wave of nausea hits him, making him lean into the door frame even more, eyes shutting. He squints, pulling his hand away from his side. It's completely covered in blood. He's lost too much, hasn't eaten and the pain is finally starting to be too much. 

He starts swaying on the spot, hears the man ask what's going on, but can't speak. He lets go of the door frame, expecting to hit the ground, but he never does. The last thing he registers is Harry's arms around him as he tells Claire to grab the first aid kit.

**

He comes to quickly, jolting awake in a way he hardly ever does – usually after his really bad nightmares. It takes him a moment to realize that he's in Harry's living room, on Harry's sofa, and he wants to puke.

He's really fucked up – bigger than he ever has – and he doesn't know what to do. He could sneak out, maybe. But what good what that do? The damage has all ready been done. Harry and Claire know he's been alive this whole time.

Panicking won't help, so he doesn't. He swallows down the fear and uncertainty and closes his eyes.

From the other room he can hear mumbled voices – Harry's and the man. They sound like they're arguing, Harry more frantic than anything. 

Sitting up slowly and getting dizzy anyway, he takes in the room with Dog at his feet, sleeping peacefully. It's nice, homey in a way that makes him sad. It's smaller than the houses they had together. It's still big, but there's a lived in quality here that Louis had always thought their house had lacked, even with all of their things spread out every where.

It's warm and comfortable and looks like a true family home. Louis hates it's not his. Still, he wants to curl up and sleep and never leave.

His eyes freeze eventually. Claire is sitting in a chair in the corner, knees pulled up to her chest, eyes dark and curious. It's Harry's goddamn chair from their bedroom. “I thought you were dead,” she whispers. “For over six years I thought you were dead, but you're not. How is that possible?” 

“Claire-.” He cuts himself off, not knowing what to say. Realizes again that this is a mistake. “It's a long, complicated story.” 

“Why were you bleeding?” she asks, eyes on his side. 

He realizes now that he's shirtless, bandage wrapping around his whole waist. “Ah, well, that's not exciting.” It hurts, being in the same room as his daughter and not knowing her – not knowing who she's grown up to be – not being able to pull her to him and never let go. 

“You're supposed to be dead,” she whispers again. 

There's the sound of footsteps and the voices get closer. When Harry enters the room, he cuts himself off from whatever he was saying, eyes on Claire. His face immediately reddens, eyes hardening. “Claire,” he almost growls, stomping over to her. “I told you to stay out of here. Why the hell didn't you listen to me?” 

Claire stares up at him, swallowing hard. She looks close to tears and Harry doesn't look like he's going to stop soon. Louis should intervene – wants to – but he's been gone for seven years. He's not sure what authority he has here. 

“I told you to stay out of here for a reason and you disobeyed that. I cannot believe you. What the fuck were you thinking?” 

At that, Louis, against his better judgment, speaks up. “Come on, Harry, don't be mad at her. She deserves to-.”

Harry whips around, jaw clenched. “Don't fucking speak about her.” Louis snaps his mouth shut. “You don't get a say in what she does or doesn't deserve. Because I can tell you she didn't deserve the last six years and she certainly doesn't deserve this. And neither do I. I don't know what happened, or what's happening now. I really don't care, but you need to leave. Now.” 

He understands Harry being upset. He isn't surprised by it, but what is surprising is Harry taking this tone with him. In all the years they were together – even well before that – Harry never took that tone with him. When he found out Louis was lying to him about who he really was and what he was really doing with Harry, Harry never sounded like this.

Harry very rarely would get mad enough for it to seep through to the way he spoke and on rare occasions that he did it was never directed at Louis. He'd yell, throw things, say things he normally wouldn't, but never once does Louis remember it being directed at him.

Even when Harry was angry with him, he'd never let himself get like that with him. Louis never understood how Harry could control it like that or why Harry even tried, but he was glad for it. Harry can get quite scary sometimes.

But that's – that's really not even what this is because Harry isn't yelling or throwing things. He just sounds angry, hurt and confused and all three of those things at once is too much to deal with. Harry shouldn't have to deal with it at all.

“Dad-.” 

Louis holds up a hand, cutting Claire's protest – what he hopes was a protest – off. “It's okay. He's right. I shouldn't be here. I actually promised I wouldn't do this, so I'll just be going. Sorry.” 

He starts to stand, but a pain shoots through his whole body. Gripping at his side, he falls back to the sofa.

Harry's glaring at him, hands balled into fists at his side. The man, who's been standing in the doorway watching with confusion and sympathy, walks over to Harry, lightly gripping his elbow. It hurts watching Harry relax – albeit minimally – at the touch of someone else. 

“Look, I don't know what's going on, even less than you do, but he's hurt, Harry. For whatever reason he came here. Let him stay, just for the night.” 

“Ethan, stay out of this,” Harry orders, pulling away from him. 

Ethan blinks, then rolls his eyes. “I'm not as stupid as you seem to think I am right now, Harry,” he says, voice even. “And I know you're not as cold-hearted as this. Let him stay for the night.”

Harry bites the inside of his cheek, nose flaring. “Claire, stay out of here.”

“But-.”

“I mean it,” Harry says, still staring right at Louis. “Leave and don't come back in here until I tell you to.”

Louis spares a glance over at Claire. She looks like she wants to argue, is about to, but out of the corner of his eye he sees Ethan motion for her to leave and she shuts her mouth and does so.

When he turns his attention back to Harry, he's still glaring at him. “Stay away from her, Louis,” he demands. “And leave first thing in the morning.”

Without giving Louis time to agree or not, he turns and stalks out of the room. 

Louis lets out a loud breath, something between a sigh and a laugh. Harry always did like to be dramatic sometimes and he can be just as dramatic as Louis when he wants to be. Still, Louis thinks the situation may not warrant this much from Harry. 

Maybe.

What does he know.

He hears someone clear their throat and he looks up at Ethan. He's standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, rubbing at the back of his neck, regarding Louis with sad eyes. “If you're hungry there's leftovers in the fridge,” he says before following after Harry.

Louis watches after him, reaching down to scratch at Dog's head. Eventually, he sighs, leaning back into the cushions. 

Harry told him to be out first thing in the morning. He has some time to sleep.

**

Louis can't sleep.

The sofa is comfortable, but he's in pain and can't stop about how Claire and Harry reacted to seeing him. Or Ethan, whoever he is.

He knew they wouldn't be happy knowing he was alive this whole time and not with them. He understands that, but it's not the first time he's faked his death and Harry knows that. Harry knows what kind of things Louis has done in his past. He knows what Louis' had to do to stay alive.

Not that Louis did this to stay alive, but Harry doesn't know that. Harry doesn't know anything, maybe that's why he's reacting the way he did. Everything Harry's known for the last six years has been a lie and he deserves to be upset and angry about that, but not even speaking to Louis is a bit harsh. That's just what _Louis_ thinks, though. 

Maybe if Louis were in Harry's position he'd understand better. Maybe he'd react differently, or the same, or worse. He doesn't know, but he knows Harry's refusal to act like normal hurts more than it probably should after so long.

It's not like he expected Harry to accept him back into his life with open arms because he didn't expect that at all, but he'd at least expected a chance to explain himself. Harry's a smart man and he knows Louis better than anyone. Somewhere deep inside him he must know that Louis had a good reason for what's happened.

And Claire – _Jesus_. He doesn't know how much Claire remembers about him, but she obviously does remember him. And she must be so confused and hurt and she must feel so betrayed and Louis hates that he's the reason for it. She must have a million questions running through her head and Louis thinks she deserves to have the answers. Not that there's much he can really tell her without revealing confidential information, but he'd try to explain. 

He can't, though, because Harry won't even let her in the same room with him. And maybe he doesn't get a say because it's been almost seven years since he's parented, but he was a parent and no matter what you never stop being a parent. He gets why Harry would be reserved about this, why he wouldn't want Claire around him and he'd probably do the same thing in Harry's position because Louis' all ready hurt Claire once by disappearing and he knows he'll disappear again after the morning. 

Him understanding doesn't make it hurt less.

He doesn't even want to think about this Ethan bloke. He's trying not to, but his mind keeps flashing to how they all seemed so comfortable with him and how Claire and Harry actually listened to him. 

It's stupid he's so upset by this because he knew and had hoped they'd moved on.

It fucking hurts.

Breathing out through his nose, he pushes himself up to get a glass of water.

He walks into the kitchen, leaving the light off because the moonlight streaming through the window is enough and starts fiddling around to find a glass. He doesn't want to make much noise since everyone else is probably sleeping and after checking two places he gives up and hopes there's bottled water in the fridge.

There is and he takes it out, swallowing about half of it in one go. Taking one last drink, he swallows and puts the lid back on to take in back to the sofa with him.

“You're dead,” a voice says in the dark. 

Louis startles, spinning to see Harry sitting at the table, a beam of moonlight stretching across his face, making him look pale. “Well, technically, I'm very much alive.” 

As soon as he says it he wants to hit himself. He can't see too many details of Harry's face, but he's sure Harry is frowning. “Yeah, see that, thanks,” Harry quips dryly. 

Taking a step forward, he says, “Harry, look, I'm-.” 

“I don't care,” Harry says quietly. “I don't care why you did whatever it is you did. I really don't. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that, once again, mine and Claire's lives have been fucking wrecked because of you. I don't know what's happening and I don't understand it, but I do know if you don't leave in the morning before Claire gets up I will have you arrested.” 

He's not as cruel as before, more resigned really, but Louis can hear the reality of the situation in his words. Harry doesn't want him. He doesn't want Louis here or around Claire. 

Louis gets it, he understands even if it does hurt.

Nodding, he says, “Okay. I'll be gone in the morning.”

Harry doesn't say anything else as he walks out of the room.

In the morning he slips out before any of them wake up, but he's sure he sees Harry watch from an upstairs window as he gets in the car and drives away.

**

When he'd gotten to his hotel the next day, he'd typed out a message to Liam, saying he was okay, but there'd been an issue and he'd be coming home in a couple days. Liam had immediately responded with a row of question marks, but Louis had ignored him, shutting off his phone and sleeping for the whole day.

He rolls out of bed, groaning because of his side and makes his way to the bathroom. He shaves and showers, keeping his mind clear of everything that's happened and when he's done he wraps a towel around his waist and walks back into the main room. 

“Figured you'd stay in a place more impressive than this.” 

Louis yelps, gripping at his heart as he stumbles back, hitting the wall. “What the hell?” he yells, spotting Claire in his desk chair. She looks rough, like she hasn't slept in days and -. “What the hell?” he repeats. 

She frowns in embarrassment. “Sorry.” 

“How the hell did you get in here? What the hell are you doing? You could've given me a heart attack!” 

He's breathing heavily as he pushes away from the wall, hand still over his chest, and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“I followed you,” Claire shrugs, like it's that easy and simple. It's not. If she'd followed him Louis should've been able to pick up on it. He should've known. “And I heard you give the name your using to the receptionist, so I waited about an hour and told her I was your daughter and had lost my key. I don't think she believed me, but I slipped her some money. Been waiting on you to wake up since.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows. He's not been around her in almost seven years, yet she's still managed to pick this sort of thing up form him. “I have to disapprove,” he tells her. “But secretly, that's pretty impressive.” Claire blushes. “Your father doesn't know your here, does he?”

She goes an even darker shade of red. “Claire, you shouldn't be here.” 

Her coloring goes back to normal quickly, eyes narrowing. “And why the hell not? I think I have a right to know whatever the hell is going on.” 

She's got a point, but still. Harry was clear he didn't want Louis anywhere near Claire and even if she is his daughter legally-. Well, actually, not really considering they're all legally dead. It's the principle of the thing, though. She is his daughter, but Harry's been with her for the last almost seven years. Louis doesn't get a say. 

Still, she's his daughter – whom he hasn't seen in almost seven years – if he's got the chance to get to know the woman she's becoming he's going to take it. 

“Aren't you angry?” 

“Of course, I am,” she answers. “But I'm also confused and I know you wouldn't have done whatever it is if you hadn't needed to or thought it was best. I just want answers. That's all.” 

Louis blinks back tears, ducking his head. “I told you it's a long, complicated story.” 

“Make it short and uncomplicated.” 

He snorts at that. “A lot of it is confidential.” 

“I won't tell.” 

“How much do you remember?” 

She pauses, biting at her lip. “Not much,” she admits. “I remember being taken and you getting me back. You took dad and I to the airport and I never saw you again. You were supposedly dead and people needed to think we were too. That's it.” 

Louis nods slowly. “Yeah,” he draws out. “That's the gist of it. Look, Claire, I want to tell you, but I _can't_ and I'm not entirely sure it's safe for you to be here.” 

She deflates at that. “So it was what was best?” 

The short answer is yes. His family thinking he was dead while he was out “saving the world” - which saved Harry and Claire by extension – was for the best. 

However, he's thought about it before, while he was alone, and there's so much more to it than that. He wanted them to be protected and him being with them put them in danger every minute of the day. They were never going to be safe with him around.

In a way, this was his out. Not that he really wanted an out, he just wanted them to be safe. They've been safe without him.

“In a matter of speaking, yes.” 

“What if I said that's not good enough?” 

Sighing, he stands. “Claire, it doesn't matter what you think. It's happened and I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Showing up the other night was not a good idea. I should've stayed away. I should've stayed dead.” 

“No,” she argues, standing herself. “You're alive and I think we deserve to know that. I think we should know what's been going on for the last seven years.”

She's right, but he's not getting into it, not when Harry very obviously was against it the other night. “Look, your father has to be worried about you. I'm going to take you home.”

She doesn't fight him on it, but she definitely isn't happy.

**

Louis had made Claire ring Harry and tell her where she was and who she was with. He wasn't trying to listen, but in the car he couldn't help it. Harry had raised his voice with her, was obviously unhappy. Claire took it well, but Louis still felt sorry for her, so he'd taken her for breakfast.

He doesn't know the name of the place, didn't even pay attention to what they ate because he was just so happy to be with her. It did hurt, but he was still happy.

She's grown up so well and it's probably mostly due to Harry. Louis was around enough for her to pick anything up from him. (Although, the stunt she pulled to get into his hotel room was definitely something she picked up from him, even if he thinks she was too young to pick that up.)

He hadn't said much during the whole morning, content to let Claire tell him about whatever came to mind. She never said anything substantial, just small things, like how school was going, that history was her favorite thing to learn about. She's still into art, which made Louis nearly breakdown right there at the table. It's the only thing about her that's familiar, the only thing that hasn't changed, aside from the fact that she's gotten better at it.

She'd had some pictures on her phone of things she's done and she'd shown him some of them. While she'd been doing that, Louis thinks he got a glimpse of a picture of her and a boy looking quite cozy, but he couldn't be for sure and he doesn't have a right to ask.

The drive from the restaurant to Harry's was mostly spent in silence, Claire picking at her cuticles. Louis wanted to say something to her about how it was going to be okay, that Harry'd get over it, but he couldn't bring himself too.

He doesn't even know if Harry will get over it or how much of what he's feeling will be directed at Claire. He does know he will be upset with Claire, since she obviously didn't tell him where she was or who she was with. What she did does merit some punishment. Louis doesn't get a say, though.

When he stops at Harry's, Claire is slow to get out of the car and Louis doesn't blame. Harry's waiting on the porch, wrapped up in an oversized jumper, mouth set in a thin line.

As they near the porch, Harry starts to speak. “Claire, I-.” 

“Harry,” Louis says, cutting him off. “Just let her be, okay?” 

He's not sure what Harry sees in his face, but he breathes out, whole body slumping forward. “Claire, go inside please and wait for me. We need to talk.” 

She nods, then to Louis and says, “Ethan's cool, but he's not you.” 

She walks away without another word, leaving Louis standing awkwardly as Harry watches him. “I'm sorry, Harry,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “I didn't know she'd followed me until I woke up this morning.” 

Harry lets out a loud breath through his nose. The corners of his mouth twitch. “Thanks for bringing her back.”

Louis responds with a tight smile. 

Harry starts to turn, but stops. “Look, Louis, I'm going to be honest here, I wish you were actually dead. It'd be easier than whatever the hell this is.” 

Louis agrees. He can't imagine what he'd be feeling if he'd gone seven years thinking Harry was dead only for him not to be. He'd be pissed as hell and hurt and confused and he'd probably not want to see Harry for a long time. He gets it. He truly does, but it doesn't hut less that way.

“And I need you to leave and stay away,” Harry continues. “If not for me, for Claire. She won't be able to handle it if you stick around only to disappear again.” 

“Okay,” he agrees silently.

Harry stays for moment, staring at him intently before turning. Louis watches him go back into the house and then leaves, wishing he'd have at least gotten a hug from each of them.


	2. Never Saw it Coming, I Should have Started Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis lies and gets reprimanded and there's a charity ball.

Back in D.C., he's walking casually through the office when Niall comes out of no where, knocking him upside the head. 

“You stupid fuck!” 

“Ow!” Louis waves his arms around, hoping to prevent any further attack.

Niall doesn't pay attention to Louis' flailing, just continues speaking as he follows Louis into his office. “Zayn was about to send every person here after you. Why the hell did it take you so long to check in? What happened?”

Louis sighs, slipping his jacket off and lying it across the back of his chair. “I think I might have been compromised. There was a-.”

“What the hell happened?” Liam demands storming in, the door falling shut behind him.

“I think I might have been compromised,” he repeats, gripping the back of his chair. “There was a-.”

“Where the hell is he?” he hears Zayn yell from down the hall. “I'm going to fucking kill him!”

It's barely a second later that the door to his office is flying open, hitting the wall with a bang, as Zayn stomps in. He stands across from Louis, pointing his finger. “What the hell happened? Did you go see Harry and Claire?” he demands.

Behind him, Liam quickly shuts the door, grimacing at Zayn's tone. Liam always makes sure the doors are closed when they fight. It's something to do with not letting the lower level agents no they don't always agree because then it makes them question things more often. 

Louis thinks it's a bunch of shit every time Liam starts prattling on about it. It's normal that the agents will question things from time to time. Hell, Louis questions things a lot and he's technically second in command. No one will ever be one hundred percent okay with every decision made or everything that's done. They won't agree with every decision either. It's normal.

Still, Louis' always grateful for Liam's odd tendencies when it comes to that because he hates when people hear Zayn yell at him. And they don't need to know his business either. He keeps his personal life away from the office as much as he can.

He knows some people here know bits and pieces of his past and those people usually send him pitying looks when he's having one of his bad days. He hates that more than anything.

And he knows most of the other people gossip about his life. The others have been a bit more loose in the personal information they share with the people working here. They're around more too, so their employees tend to know more about them.

Since Louis' gone so much and he does tend to be more private, he's developed a reputation of being mysterious, which is laughable to him, but it's better than them knowing the truth. Not that them knowing the truth will really hurt him in anyway. He just doesn't want them to know.

“I specifically told you not to do that,” Zayn continues. “You know you weren't supposed to and you know why. Why the hell would you do that? You're stupid that's why. You're an ignorant twat who's out to slowly kill me by-.”

“I didn't,” he says, cutting off Zayn's scolding.

Zayn snaps his mouth shut, blinking. 

“I didn't go see Harry and Claire,” he lies.

“Then what the hell happened?” Zayn questions once he's recovered.

Louis pulls his chair away from his desk and sits, launching into the story of how he found Keats, nearly got an answer, but then was attacked by someone else. He tells them he was injured and wasn't sure how his attacker knew who he was or if he was being followed.

He explains to them that he was afraid they'd follow him back here. And since he was injured he needed to hide out somewhere. And when Liam asked him why he'd left the tracker behind, he'd lied and said he'd not realized it happened. He doesn't think they believed him, but he was able to use it as his excuse to why it took him two days to get with them.

When he's done telling them what happened, Zayn takes a deep breath. “I'll have someone look into it. See if Keats has someone he's worked with on more than one occasion. Would you recognize the man that attacked you?”

Shrugging, Louis tells him, “Dunno. He had a mask. Didn't get many details. Green eyes, though.”

“There might be security footage,” Liam points out. “I'll see if I can find it.”

“What I don't understand,” Niall starts, pointing a finger up, “is why the guy would stop you from questioning Keats and then let you go. It doesn't make sense.”

“I mean, the whole thing was weird,” Louis says. Scratching the back of his neck, he adds, “Keats said I should know who the leader of Voila is, but I have no clue. I don't know if he was being funny, trying to fuck with me, or if should _actually_ know who it is.”

Zayn shakes his head. “I doubt you do, but I'm adding this new guy to our list.”

“Which list?” Liam snorts. They all know Zayn has a list for just about everything.

“Every one of them.”

They leave shortly after, Niall frowning at him as he does, and Louis' left on his own again.

While he wants to know who the man in the alley was, he knows that if Liam does manage to find footage of it, it'll show Louis dumping the tracker on his own. They'll know he lied. He'll have to tell them the truth then. It's not like he's scared of what will happen when they find out. He's an adult, he can make his own decisions, whether they're wrong or not. He doesn't owe anyone an explanation for anything he does, even if it is on the job. He just doesn't want to deal with it.

He knows they'll find out eventually and he'll be forced to talk about it. It'll be a major waste of time because Louis' not stupid. Zayn will put him on a tight leash and it's not like Louis' going to go back. Harry made it very clear he wasn't welcomed.

What's worse, though, is that he realizes how stupid he was, risking the threat to Harry and Claire had he been followed. He's sure he wasn't, but then again he has no idea who the man was or where he came from. He had to have been following Louis that night, especially since he knew who Louis was. Louis could have very well been followed to Harry's.

Once again, he put Harry and Claire in danger. He hadn't even meant to show up at their door and he's caused so much harm by it. And now they could be in danger.

But, of course, he's being paranoid. He wasn't followed. They'll be fine, he tells himself. Absolutely fine.

It doesn't matter if he's trying lie to himself about this because he doesn't believe it. He's got a feeling things are about to get a lot worse.

**

He'd spent the rest of the day hacking into confidential information about his family that he was never allowed to have. Before a few days ago, he hadn't felt the need to do it, but after seeing them in person and finding out there's someone in their life that isn't Louis his curiosity is getting the better of him.

Since he's accessing confidential information that even Liam and Niall aren't authorized to have, he didn't want to spend too much time hacking into the system. Due to the limited amount of time he had, the only thing he looked into was Ethan. It's what he's most curious about. Claire had told him enough about herself that, while he wants to know everything, he can hold off a bit longer. Harry's a different case, but their interactions had been weird and Louis' not sure how Harry would feel if he knew Louis was looking into him. So, Ethan was the only thing left.

 **Ethan Simmons, 44, environmental lawyer. Allergic to cats.**

He's never been married, but had two serious relationships before moving next door to Harry. They were neighbors for over a year before anything of a romantic nature started up between them. They've been together for close to two years now.

Ethan seems like the type of guy Harry deserves. He's got a good career, enjoys a lot of the same things Harry does, gives to charities, and he's attractive, which helps. Louis never wanted to pick a person for Harry to be with other than himself, but Ethan seems like a decent guy. 

It doesn't mean it hurts any less that Harry's with him. If Louis had his say Harry would be with _him_ and they'd live happily ever after, die together, blah blah blah, but he doesn't get a say. Or, rather, he did get a say. His say was choosing this over his family and they did what he wanted them to do. They moved on.

There's nothing Louis can really do about it, though. He's the one that made the decision, they've moved on and the damage is done. Everything is so damaged it probably can't be fixed and that's shit and it hurts. But on the off chance it could be fixed, he's not sure he can do it. 

He's missed his family for seven years, regretted every decision he made, but he's doing good here. He complains a lot about the work he does, how dangerous it is, how mentally taxing, but it's hard to hate it too much when he knows deep down that what they're doing here is good work. It'd be hard for him to say “fuck it” and go back to his family.

Liam had a point all those years ago. Two lives aren't worth the lives of millions, even if it is his family. Had even one of these groups they've stopped succeeded they'd all probably be dead anyway. Or they would be alive, but who knows how bad living conditions would be. Claire could be sold into prostitution or something equally as terrible. The world would be worse off by a lot if they weren't doing this.

And he knows an argument could be made that he isn't directly responsible for taking down these groups, but he sort of is. The group in Bahrain was demobilized because of him. He technically saved that whole country. There were others he's hand more of a hand in then most. He's done good work. 

When he was twenty he never thought he'd be doing this with his life. He never thought he'd be saving people. He was a criminal and nothing else. And then he met Harry and Harry made him want to be better, but once you're in that life it's hard to get out. The adrenaline from being successful is addicting and at some point it becomes all you know. It's hard to get away, but he did want to.

What he's doing now, is similar in a way. He does still do a lot of illegal things, but he's saving people by doing it. And it sounds selfish when he thinks of it that way, that taking this job was a way to feel better about himself, but it is what it is. 

He wouldn't have given up his family just to make himself feel better. He spent years with them feeling like a horrible person because of his lifestyle and it never made him even think of leaving them to better himself. He did genuinely do this because it would be helping people. 

On some level, Harry must understand that and forgive him for it. He knows how much Louis was affected by the things he'd done in his past. Louis admitted everything to Harry in small bits throughout their years together. Harry knows everything. He knows Louis hated it most of the time. He knows all Louis really wanted to do was help people.

Louis' doing that now. He's helping people and saving the world as cliché as that sounds. And Liam's words still ring true. The lives of millions are not worth the lives of two people. 

He could possibly fix the relationship with his family, but he's not sure it's really worth it. Actually, it would be worth it because he loves them, but he's not sure how much of this mess he'd be willing to fix. 

Giving up this job that he's worked so hard at and leaving people unprotected to be with Harry and Claire isn't out of the question entirely, but it'd be hard for him. Not that Harry would take him back. He doesn't know how Harry feels for Ethan, but they've been together for a long time now and it was clear to Louis from what little interaction he saw between them that there was a lot of trust between them.

He doesn't even care about how much love was there because in the end it comes down to how much Harry trusts Ethan. It was always hard for Harry to trust someone enough to let them in and Louis only made that harder for him by lying to him about who he was and what his real purpose of being with Harry was. Him faking his death and Harry finding out about that has only made that worse, he's sure.

But Harry trusts Ethan and does love him from what Louis could tell. From the little Claire told him, it's obvious she likes Ethan too. They've become a family and if Ethan really is there to stay, Louis doesn't want to fuck that up. Ethan's a much better person for them than he is.

If he's given the choice between his family and this job again, he's not sure what he'll do. If Harry finds it within him to forgive Louis and accept him back into his life, Louis would love nothing more than to be with him. He's just not sure it would be the right choice. 

They've hurt-. Well, Louis' hurt Harry too many times now for things to just be okay between them. It's been seven years almost and they've both changed in that time. They may not even be compatible with each other anymore. And wouldn't that just suck?

Two people loving each other, but not being able to actually live together like that is worse than unrequited love, in his opinion. Because they could have each other, they both want each other, but for whatever reason it just doesn't work.

So if Harry does still love him and forgave him for everything, even though Louis still loves him, it may not be enough. 

He just doesn't know.

Ethan's a better a choice, either way. He's a better man than Louis by a long shot. He probably wouldn't fake his death and stay away from his family for seven years and then pop back up when they've finally moved on. Most people don't do that and Harry and Claire don't deserve it. Maybe what Louis needs to do is to leave his family alone. Let them go and let them live their lives without him like they have been because after all if you love something you're supposed to let it go. Isn't that how the saying goes? Maybe it isn't, but it still feels appropriate.

But this is all moot because Harry won't forgive him and it's not like Louis' going to risk their lives again by randomly showing up at their door. It's better this way.

He hopes.

He's startled out of his thoughts by the door to his office opening. Niall walks in, shutting the door behind him and quietly crossing the room and sitting across from him.

He sits there and waits for two minutes for Niall to say something, but he's clearly not going to. “Neil.”

“You want to talk about it?” Niall asks, scratching at his chin.

Louis knows exactly what Niall's talking about. He knows Niall knows, but he plays dumb anyway. “Talk about what?” 

“The fact that you lied to Zayn and Liam and _me_ about seeing Harry and Claire.” 

“I didn't,” Louis lies. “And how dare you accuse me of-.”

“Louis, I put a separate tracker in your phone the others don't know about,” Niall reveals. “I know you were there.” 

There's a part of Louis that wants to be mad, but he's not surprised Niall did it. Truthfully, if the roles were reversed, he would have done the same thing. “Look,” he starts, leaning forward onto his desk. “I didn't really know what I was doing. I was hurt and needed a place to go. But it's not like I'm going to go back. Harry hates me. And I'm not sure how Claire was, but it wasn't welcoming.”

Niall's face softens, eyes full of sympathy. “How _was_ she?”

“She's grown up so much,” he answers wistfully. “She's such an amazing young woman and it kills me that I wasn't there to see her growing up. I don't know who she is anymore and I can't even explain to you how that makes me feel.”

He pauses, blinking back developing tears. “I think it was a mistake.”

“No shit,” Niall snorts.

“No, I meant not choosing them.”

“I know,” Niall nods.

“Do you think it was a mistake? Would you have done the same thing?”

Niall shrugs. “Dunno, mate. I've never been in love like you and Harry and, to my knowledge, I don't have any children out there. But,” he draws out. “I do know that it was an impossible decision and I think you had the chance to be really selfish there, but you weren't. You did what you thought was right. Whether Harry and Claire feel the same or not, it's what you thought was right.”

“That didn't help much, Niall.”

Smiling, Niall rolls his eyes. “Of course, it didn't. I wasn't trying to help. I'm just tellin' ya that I don't think you can ever have an answer to that question. Each person would do something different. You did what _you_ thought was right.”

Louis nods, biting at his bottom lip as Niall stands. 

“Look, Lou, I know you still love them and it makes it harder to stay away now that they know you're still alive, but I need you to swear to me that you won't go back. Swear to me that no matter how much you want to or how much it hurts, you won't go back.”

“Of course, I won't go back. Swear on Zayn's life,” he says.

It's not a lie.

And that's what's surprising. He didn't think he'd mean it when he started to answer, but having said it aloud he finds he does mean it.

**

“Thought he wasn't dangerous?” Liam asks. He's sitting in Zayn's desk chair, arms crossed and lips pursed. He doesn't like this as much as the rest of them. He's as fed up with Zayn right now as he and Niall are.

Zayn had sent a team to Manchester a week ago to locate Keats and detain him. It seems Louis' not the only one that has a hard time finding him. He'd managed to escape them every time they found him, except late last night.

The team had found him again and, after a fight, managed to immobilize him, but not before one of their agents had been killed. Zayn is, understandably, livid. The thing is, Louis told them first hand how Keats was. Louis was able to pin him down, sure, but they had a scuffle. Keats can take care of himself, that much is obvious. It's not shocking that he was able to take out an agent. Zayn's reaction shows otherwise. 

Since last night, Zayn's been pacing, muttering to himself about how he doesn't understand how this happened and how Keats should not have been able to pull that off. He's been short with everyone, even snapped at Louis when all he did was walk by. He won't even talk to them much, which isn't a terrible thing, but they do have to deal with this.

“Of course he is,” Zayn replies, not faltering in his pacing.

“Then shouldn't we have expected this?”

At that, Zayn does stop, turning to frown at Liam. “Yes.”

“Then what's the-.”

Louis holds his hand up, raising an eyebrow at Liam and he stops, snapping his mouth shut. Whatever Liam was about to say would only provoke Zayn more.

Zayn goes back to pacing. Niall sighs, sinking further into the sofa against the wall. Louis' perched on the arm, watching with a frown as Zayn stops in the center of the room.

He rubs at his forehead, sighs, then says, “I'm going.”

Instead of specifying what he means, he goes to his desk and pushes Liam and the chair out of his way so he can bend over and type something into his computer. Liam frowns up at him, with a furrowed brow.

“Uh, you're going where?” Louis asks.

Zayn glances up. “Manchester.”

“Uh-huh,” Louis draws out. “Why?”

“Keats killed one of my agents,” Zayn answers, eyes back to his computer as he types. “I want to visit him personally.”

“Is that really a good idea?” Niall inquires, crossing his legs. “I mean, let the agents deal with him.”

Zayn scoffs. “It took them a week to find him and then one of them died. I doubt they'll be able to get information out of him in a timely manner.”

“Then I'm going too.”

“Yes, you and Liam both are.”

It takes Louis a moment to realize his name wasn't mentioned. “Hey, what about me?”

Zayn stops typing, gripping at the edge of his desk. “You're staying here.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so, Louis.”

That's not going to work, even if Liam is nodding along. Niall's staying silent, as well he should. Louis can't know for sure, but he's positive Zayn knows what happened when Louis was gone and whether Niall told him or not doesn't matter. 

Zayn's been suspicious and he's not letting Louis do his job because of it. Louis gets it on some level, but this is his thing too. He's the one that found Keats the first time. And, yeah, he failed, but it wasn't his fault. A third party got in the way. 

Maybe that's why Zayn's apprehensive to let him go. 

Although, if it is, he should just say so. Louis' an adult. He can take honesty.

“You can't stop me,” he says.

Zayn rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “I could. I have CIA trained agents at my disposal. I can put them at every exit to your flat and instruct them to not let you out unless the building was on fire.”

“I'll set a fire.”

Narrowing his eyes, Zayn says, “No, you wouldn't.”

“I would,” Louis replies, narrowing his own eyes. “I'm not above doing it. That place isn't really home to me. I have no attachment to it. A fire isn't going to upset me.”

“I'll lock you up here. I will-.”

“Oh, just let him,” Niall breathes out. “You know he'll be insufferable if you don't.”

Zayn purses his lips, looking very much like he wants to argue more, but he eventually breathes out, dropping his head. “Oh all right,” he says, looking back up. “Fine, Louis can go.”

“Yay,” Louis says, lifting his hands and cheering. 

Zayn glares at him.

“Here's a question,” Liam begins, “why can't we have someone infiltrate Voila? You know, some undercover work?”

“Because we know next to nothing about them or where their main base is.”

“Doesn't have to be their main base,” Louis points out.

“We're not worried about that right now,” Zayn tells them. “Our main focus is Keats. We'll find out what he knows first.” He turns to Liam, kicking at his shin. “Get out of my chair.”

Brow furrowed, Liam says, “No.”

He gets up anyway. They argue about where to stay while in Manchester for the next hour.

**

“I'm getting really tired of this shit,” Louis says, jabbing his finger in Liam's chest. “I don't appreciate it.”

“Louis,” Liam frowns, grabbing his finger and pulling it down. “I'm not the one you're angry at, so stop abusing me.”

Louis uses the hand Liam isn't holding to punch him in the balls and runs across the room when Liam releases him, doubling over. “I fucking hate you,” Liam growls. 

“That was unnecessary,” Niall comments, not looking up from his phone. “And Louis, calm down. Zayn knows what he's doing.”

“So do I,” Louis argues. “Extracting information is my job. I'm good at it.”

The door across the room opens and Zayn walks in, his sleeves rolled up and a bit of blood staining his shirt. “So am I,” he smiles, letting the door shut behind him as he crosses the room, sitting in the chair next to Niall. 

“Did he give anything up?” Liam asks.

“I'm better,” Louis mutters, crossing his arms. That should have been him in there with Keats. (He should have had that information two weeks ago, but that's not important. It's probably why Zayn questioned him and not Louis.)

“He did,” Zayn answers, cracking his fingers. “Says the leader of Voila is a Brendan Thomas.”

Liam immediately goes to the desk in the corner of the room and starts typing on his laptop. It's clear he doesn't know who that is, which is why Louis feels comfortable saying, “I've no idea who that is.”

Niall nods his head in agreement. Zayn smiles again. “That's because he's not who you would expect. At least that's what Keats said.”

Finally putting his phone away, Niall asks, “ _Is_ he who we would expect?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Well, he's not a politician and he's not old. He's a young, successful businessman, apparently.”

Louis' heart sinks at that. The last time Zayn had said anything about a young, successful businessman he was talking about Harry and Louis got majorly fucked up by that. This situation is completely different, though. This young, successful businessman is a bad guy. 

He still has a feeling he's going to get majorly fucked up.

“I've never heard that name before,” Liam finally says. “I'm looking into it, though.”

“What do you think?” Zayn addresses to Louis. “Think he was lying?”

“No idea,” he says. “Considering you wouldn't let me talk to him or, you know, do my job.”

Niall snorts out a laugh, ducking his head as Zayn shoots him a look. “Okay, Louis. I see you're point. Next time there's someone we need to question, you get to do it.” 

Louis smiles widely. “That's all I ask.”

“Now,” Zayn says, ignoring him and pushing himself out of the chair. “I've told the agents to keep Keats right where he is. I'm going to go shower.”

He leaves the room without another word. Louis waits a whole second before jogging after him. 

In the hall, Louis catches up to him, slowing to Zayn's pace. When he doesn't say anything, Zayn says, “Louis, planning on showering with me?”

“Wouldn't be the first time,” Louis quips. Zayn lets out a soft laugh, but stays silent. “Actually, I did have a question.” He stops walking, waiting for Zayn to stop and turn to him with a cocked eyebrow. “Did you not let me question Keats because I fucked up two weeks ago?”

Zayn blinks slowly, forehead wrinkling. “Um, no. Wait, is that what you thought?”

Louis shrugs. “Well, you didn't even want to let me come.”

“I was giving you a break,” Zayn tells him. “Trying to, at least. You work a lot. Thought you'd appreciate it.”

“There's a reason I work a lot,” he points out. “You know that, but that doesn't explain why you wouldn't let me question him.”

Zayn's silent, watching him for a long time before he says, “It had nothing to do with you, Louis. I promise. I just wanted to rough him up a bit for killing Sims. It's not even most of what he deserves for that.”

“Sims was a good agent,” Louis says solemnly. 

Resting a hand on Louis' shoulder, Zayn says, “I really meant nothing by it. Sorry you thought I did.”

He drops his hand and Louis isn't entirely sure he believes Zayn. He's got a feeling Zayn's keeping something from him, possibly from the whole group, but he's got no evidence to prove it, so he drops it. “Yeah, okay. Sorry I got tetchy.”

“Can I go shower now?”

Louis nods and watches as Zayn disappears down the hall.

**

Niall had come into his room sometime ago, throwing himself down on the bed and pulling out his phone. He's not said a word and Louis doesn't mind. Neither of them like being alone and Louis feels safer with one of the lads with him. It's comforting having someone else in the room with him, knowing they'll have his back if anything unfortunate should happen.

The thing is, Niall's not actually doing anything with his phone. He's only pretending to read something from it and Louis knows he's wants to talk about something. And he's tired and wants to sleep, which he can't do with Niall sprawled out all over the bed.

“Why don't you just tell me what it is so we can move on and be done with it,” he says, shutting his book and setting it aside. 

Niall opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, putting his phone in his pocket. “For about a year after your supposed death, Harry texted and called me,” he says. “I never answered because I figured it'd be too dangerous or he'd never stop if he knew I'd answer. You know, legit reasons for not answering. And I eventually did stop using that phone _and_ number, but I kept it in case of an emergency with Harry.”

“Okay,” Louis draws out, not knowing where Niall is going with this. It's nice to know Niall had a way of knowing if something were wrong with Harry and Claire, but he's kind of upset that he didn't know about it.

“Harry eventually stopped trying to contact me,” Niall continues. “But the day you got back to D.C. I got another text from him. All it said was “you knew”.”

He cuts himself off, standing and walking to the door. At the door he stops, turning back to Louis. “Make of that what you will.”

With that, he leaves. 

Louis sits there for a long time trying to figure out what that means. He's not sure what to make of it other than Harry thinking about him, but even that doesn't mean much. Of course, Harry would think about his supposed dead husband actually being alive.

Really, the only thing Louis' getting from this is that Harry's angry with Niall for not telling him. And that doesn't mean much of anything. Except maybe it just means that Harry's starting to put something together, starting to realize that whatever Louis' doing is bigger than just him.

That doesn't help his case much.

He sighs, picks the book up, sets it back down, then sighs again. He goes to bed like he wanted to half an hour ago, not sparing another thought to what Niall said.

**

Zayn and Niall have been playing a game of scrabble, completely silent for an hour now and Louis' been reading. It's been so silent for so long that when Liam comes into the room, announcing, “There's a charity ball tomorrow night,” and waving around his laptop, they all three startle.

“And guess who's going to be there?” Liam continues, setting his laptop in the middle of the scrabble board. “Brendan Thomas,” he answers himself, ignoring Zayn's protests claiming he was about to win.

“Not fair,” Louis says. “You were supposed to let us guess.”

“Can I point out the fact that I'm sick of charity events?” Niall says.

Liam's mouth is set in a straight line. “That doesn't matter. What matters is that Brendan Thomas will be attending.”

Zayn rips of the paper they were using to keep score. “Did you find anything else?”

“All I could find out was what I've just told you.”

“Well, that's not suspicious,” Niall mutters.

Zayn sighs. “Wish we knew more.”

“Sorry, mate,” Liam shrugs. “I'm trying, but it's almost like the guy doesn't exist.”

“Do we know what he looks like?” When they all turn to him with questioning looks, he asks, “What? I'm guessing we're going to go with the usual? Niall and I will go in, trail him through the party, see what we can find out and you two will be here, monitoring.”

They're still silent for a moment before, Liam shakes his head and says, “He's young, tallish, brownish hair and green eyes. That's about all I can tell you. There's only like one picture of him. He doesn't have social media either.”

“That's either genius or a coincidence,” Niall says. “You're gonna be the leader of a group that's trying to take over the world, erase yourself so you're harder to find. It's like wiping a celebrity's social media, you know?”

Zayn opens and closes his mouth, then shakes his head. “No, I don't, but okay.”

“I don't like being old,” Louis sighs, standing and walking over to the table to get a look at the picture of Thomas Liam has. He's right. Young, brownish hair and green eyes is about all you can see from the picture.

“You're not really,” Zayn tells him. “Just in your forties.”

“Closer to fifty than to forty, mate.”

“Still not old.”

“I'm older than the bad guys,” Louis points out. “They're all young and good looking. I used to be the young, good looking bad guy.” 

“Yes, but now you're the older, good looking guy that's saving the world,” Zayn smiles.

“That, my lad, is true,” he says, giving Zayn a fist bump.

“You're all children,” Liam comments, earning a smack across his head from Zayn.

Liam frowns, but doesn't say anything. “So, we all know the procedure,” Zayn says, standing. “Good luck to you all.”

Once he's out of the room, Louis looks toward Liam and Niall. “He just keeps getting weirder.”

“And older.”

Louis frowns at Niall. “Shut up.”

**

He's never liked charity events, but he _despises_ them now. It's not the charities that he hates, it's just the events. Charity events were never his favorite thing to be involved in anyway. He hated the small talk, remembering who was who and trying to find the target in the crowd. But his hatred for these sorts of events grew once Harry came into the picture.

It started with the very first one they attended together, back when Louis was his “bodyguard” and things were just as complicated as they are now. Harry was attacked then and Louis nearly blew his cover. It was a fucking stressful night. Granted, it was the worst one they ever attended together.

When they were still together, a lot of their free time was spent at charity events, whether it was a ball, dinner or auction. Louis was usually bored to tears, counting down the time before they could leave. Harry was never much better about it. He hated these things too, but he had a commitment, an image to keep up. He'd once told Louis that the way he got himself through it was by knowing that, even if most of the people in attendance didn't care, he was still giving to the charities and helping out. It was a nice thought, but it's not something Louis can rely on now because he's working.

And what's more annoying about the whole thing is that now every time he's at an event like this he just thinks about Harry. How he'd like the event, where he'd spend most of his time, the people he would avoid at all costs and what Louis would be doing to make the evening not as boring for them. He sometimes even catches himself wondering what Harry would wear. 

It's hard thinking about those things. It's exhausting and distracting because he gets lost in his own head. He has to make a conscious effort to not think about those things. It's something that's especially hard because he's always so bored at these things.

It doesn't help that they haven't seen Brendan Thomas. He and Niall have been strolling casually around the edge of the crowd, chatting as they keep an eye out for him. They should probably split up, would cover more ground that way, but they've got all night.

Niall's in the middle of telling him about some woman that he met when he was in Quebec City when, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a familiar face. 

It's Claire. She's wearing an emerald, strapless dress that makes her look older than she is and if Louis were on better terms with her he'd go over and give her a stern talking to about proper attire even if it is proper attire for the event.

He curses himself silently. He hadn't spared a thought to the idea of Harry and Claire being here. They are still rich and Harry would still give to charity no matter what. Of course, they'd be here. Why the hell hadn't he thought about that?”

He grabs Niall by the elbow, tries pulling him in the other direction. Niall doesn't budge, though, only quirking an eyebrow. “What is wrong with you?”

“Our cover's blown,” he hisses, pulling on him. “We have to go.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“We have to go,” Louis says again, pulling harder and jerking his head in Claire's direction.

Niall looks over, eyes widening when he sees her. “Is that really her?”

“Yes,” he hisses. “Now let's go.”

“Too late, mate,” Niall says, but he turns and allows Louis to pull him.

They only get two steps away when they hear someone clear their voice behind them. They freeze. “Shit!” Louis mutters, placing an obviously fake smile on his face and elbowing Niall. His eyebrows knit together as he stares over at him.

“What are you doing here?” Claire asks.

Louis elbows Niall again. “Smile, dumbass,” he says loud enough for just Niall. He startles, but smiles nonetheless.

They turn to her, smiling widely. She's staring at them in confusion.

“Claire, uh, well, we're uh-.” He cuts off, clearing his throat. He grabs Niall and pushes him toward her. “Claire, do you remember Niall?” 

Niall's head whips around as he stares at Louis over his shoulder. 

She blinks, then grins. “Of course,” she breathes out, smiling at Niall. “He used to buy me the best clothes.” 

Niall turns his attention back to Claire, smiling genuinely now. “Yeah, well, figured you deserved it,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “You know, I was just, you know, trying to be a good uncle.” 

Niall swallows hard, pursing his lips. Louis rolls his eyes. Niall's normally unperturbed when things are thrown at him, jumping into it without a care or a thought. _Of course_ , he'd be flustered when thrown in front of a teenage girl he used to take shopping for clothes. 

“Claire, I'm assuming your dad is here.” 

She nods. “With Ethan.” 

Louis frowns. “Okay, look, it'd be better for all of us if he didn't know Niall and I were here.” 

“This is like a business thing, isn't it?”

Him and Niall share a look turning to her and nodding. “Yeah, it is, so it'd really be good if Harry didn't know we were here and if you-.”

“Don't bother you,” she finishes. “Yeah, okay. I won't say anything.”

“Thank you,” he says.

She nods and starts to walk away, but stops, turning back to them. “I can't stop him from seeing you himself, though.”

When he gives her a slight nod, she walks away.

“Zayn's not happy about whatever the hell that was and frankly neither am I,” Liam says in his ear. 

“Frankly, Liam, I don't give a damn.”

**

He and Niall split up a while ago and Louis hasn't seen him since. He's spotted Claire a couple times from across the room. He's still not seen Harry, which isn't entirely a bad thing. He's actually almost convinced he isn't here, but then he doesn't know why Claire would lie to him about it.

Still, he's not seen Harry, which he is grateful for, but he's also not seen Thomas. That he's not grateful for and if Liam doesn't stop relaying Zayn's comments and questions in his ear, he's going to take the damn communicator out and drop it into a glass of champagne. 

He's about to do it too, but he sees Niall doing some sort of weird walking jog thing up to him, frantically smiling at the people he bumps into. Louis stops, tilts his head and cocks an eyebrow.

“We need to go,” Niall says, eyes searching the room wildly. “Or _you_ do if you don't want your ex finding you.” 

“What?” 

“Pretty sure I just made awkward eye contact with Harry through the mirror in the loo. We need to go.” 

“Right,” Louis agrees, as he grabs Niall by the arm and turns him toward the door.

They're half way to the door, heads bent down, when a pair of brown boots comes into their view, stopped in front of them. They stop abruptly, slowly looking up. 

Unsurprisingly, it's Harry. He looks good, is Louis' first thought, taking in the tailored suit he's wearing. He doesn't look happy, is his second thought because Harry's glaring at them, hands on his hips.

There's a stare down between them for a moment, the guests passing by giving them inquisitive looks. Louis starts to say something, but Harry grabs him by the hand and starts dragging him toward the loo. Niall's being dragged too since he's still holding on to Louis.

They must look ridiculous, but it's obvious Harry doesn't care as he pulls them through the door. Once inside, he drops Louis' hand and turns to them frowning, the door closing with a quiet click behind them.

“What in the hell are you two doing here?” he demands.

“Nice to see you too, Harry,” Niall quips, smiling awkwardly.

Harry does not look amused. “You two need to leave now.”

“Now Harry,” Louis starts, taking a step forward, but he's yanked back because Niall's still holding on to him. He pulls his arm away, shooting a glare at him before turning back to Harry. “I know you don't want to see me, but-.”

“I don't care what you have to say Louis,” Harry says, cutting him off. “You need to go.”

“I do not,” Louis tells him. He's got a job to do and he'll be damned if he lets Harry bully him into abandoning it. Harry starts to argue, but Louis cuts him off. “We're here to find Brendan Thomas.”

“I have no idea who that is and I don't care. You need to go.

Niall steps in then, angling his body toward Harry and asking, “Harry, have you heard of Volia?” 

Harry blinks slowly. “No.”

“Well, let's hope you never have to,” Louis tells him.

“What the fuck does that mean?” 

Louis turns, rolling his eyes and walks toward the door and stands next to it. “Voila is a terrorist group, basically,” Niall starts. “I can't tell you much, but they're not good. This Thomas fellow is not a good guy and he could be responsible for the deaths of a lot of people.”

“And you think he's here?”

Louis cracks the door open and looks out, eyes searching the room, sighing internally when he sees who Claire is with. They're talking animatedly and it seems innocent enough, but Louis' jaw clenches just the same.

“From what Liam was able to find out he is.”

“Of course, you're all together. Why doesn't-.”

“Harold,” Louis interrupts. “Are you sure you don't know Brendan Thomas?” he inquires not turning away from the door. 

“Yes, of course, I'm sure.” 

“Then why is he talking to our daughter like they're best friends?” 

He hears a scuffle behind him and almost immediately Harry and Niall are both surrounding him, peeking out the door as well. 

“I've never seen him before,” Harry says when he spots them.

“He needs to the back the fuck off of her,” Niall grunts. “If he even starts to lay a hand on her I will chop his dick off and shove it down his throat.” 

He and Harry both slowly turn to look at him with quirked eyebrows. 

“What?” Niall asks, blushing slightly. “I can't still care about my niece? Shut the fuck up. You should be worried about this.” 

Louis shakes his head, turning back to Claire. “Harry, are you sure you've never seen him before?” 

“Positive,” he nods, more compliant than earlier. “Why's he talking to her, you think?” 

“Well, no offense, mate,” Niall starts, “Claire's a pretty a girl and she looks older than she is, he probably wants to-.” 

“Niall, if you finish that sentence so help me god,” Louis warns, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“I'm just saying, you'd rather it be that than the alternative.” 

“Which is what?” 

“He knows who she really is, which means he probably knows who you both are, which means there's a good chance he knows why we're here.” 

Louis groans. “I hate everything.” 

Harry grabs the door, starting to pull it open, but Louis stops him, placing his hand firmly on the door, preventing him from opening it further. “Where are you going? What are you doing?” 

“I'm going to go get her.” 

“At least wait until he walks away. We don't want him-.” 

Louis cuts himself off, biting his lip as Thomas walks away from Claire. 

“Oh okay, go get her,” he says, waving a hand around when Harry looks at him smugly. 

Once Harry's out the door, he and Niall move to the center of the room, waiting.

“This is not how I expected this to go,” Niall comments, rubbing his hands together. 

“Me either.” 

They stand in silence, jolting when the door flies open and Harry comes in followed by a disgruntled Claire. When she spots Louis and Niall, her face darkens even more.

“I swear I didn't tell him you were here.”

“That's not-,” Louis tries, but Harry speaks over him.

“You knew?” he questions, face darkening. “And you-.”

“Harry, Harry,” Louis says, stepping between them. “Now's not the time.” Harry snaps his mouth shut, nodding and gesturing toward her. “Why were you speaking to Brendan Thomas? What do you know about him?”

She glances between the three of them confusedly. “I didn't know him before tonight,” she starts. “He came up to me and introduced himself as Brendan Thomas. We talked about the charity and how amazing it is. That's all really. Why?”

Louis ignores her, turning to Niall. “How much of a chance is there that Keats lied?” 

“Dunno,” Niall shrugs. “If he did, he knew what would happen. And Zayn seemed to think he may not have been.” 

“Liam, what does Zayn think?” 

In his ear, Liam takes a deep breath. “He says he still thinks it's Thomas. Just because he had a normal, endearing conversation with your daughter doesn't mean shit.” 

“Gee, thanks, mate.” 

“Zayn's right,” Niall says. “Why didn't we see him before? Why'd it take so long for him to pop up?” 

“You think he's on to us?” 

“There's always a chance, but why would he be? We're not that suspicious.” 

“Niall, we're _exactly_ that suspicious. I'm surprised we haven't been-.” 

Before Louis can finish his sentence a hand in clamping over his mouth. “Don't finish that sentence,” Harry orders, Louis blinking up at him slowly. “Every time you've said something like that before it always goes badly.”

Louis nods. Harry pulls away and he just stares after him. It's the first they've touched in years. (He doesn't count when he passed out in Harry's doorway.) He wants more, wants to feel Harry's skin on his all the time, but now isn't the time, so he shakes the thought away.

“Now, there's a good chance he has no idea who you two are,” Harry says to them. “He's young enough that he probably didn't pay attention to anything six years ago, so he wouldn't know your names. I think you two will be fine. And I'll take Claire home just in case.” 

Louis starts to agree, but Claire talks over him. “What if I want to stay?” 

“No,” Harry and Louis say at the same time. 

“It's too dangerous,” Louis adds. 

Claire folds her arms. “I don't miss hearing _that_.” 

Stepping up to her, Harry says, “Claire, could you, just for once, listen to what I tell you to do and leave with me?” 

Her eyes flick between the two of them a couple of times. She's looking for something, but Louis doesn't know what or if she'll even find it. She fixes her stare on Harry. “I'll leave if you promise to talk to him.” 

Louis sees the muscles in Harry's back tense up. “Claire, we're not doing this. You either do as I say willingly or I will drag you out by your hair.” 

“No.” 

“Claire.” 

“Dad.” 

Harry runs a hand through his hair, taking a step back. “I hate teenagers,” he mutters. He glances at Louis, then turns back to Claire. “How about I let you talk to him and you'll leave.” 

Louis tries to not let that get to him, that Harry refuses to speak to him, but he fails. It hurts like hell. He hopes no one can tell, but he's sure they can. His face probably gave it away.

Claire shakers her head. “ _You_ talk to him or I stay right here.” 

Harry groans in frustration.

“Oh dear god,” Niall mumbles, stepping between them. “Look, Claire, your fathers have a lot of shit to sort through. I agree with you there, but he doesn't want to talk. Compromising your safety is not the way to get him to. He will on his own time and if that's never it's never.” 

Claire doesn't look happy as Niall turns to Harry, lips pursed and jaw clenched, but she stays silent. “Harry, none of this was supposed to happen,” Niall continues. “Literally none, but it has. You don't hate teenagers, you love her. If you don't want to talk to Louis – if you don't want to _see_ him – that's fine, but don't punish Claire for whats happened.” 

He takes a couple steps back, addressing them both. “You both need to leave and if you don't in the next five minutes I will escort you out of here with my gun in your backs.” 

Harry and Claire blink at him and nod. Claire starts toward the door, but Harry stops here. “Claire, if you want to talk to him I'm not going to stop you, but please be careful. Be smart about it. I don't want you hurt.” 

Louis should probably be offended that Harry thinks Claire will be hurt because of him, but she has been – so has Harry – and they probably will be again. He has no right to be offended and Harry has every right to keep Louis away from them. 

Claire regards Harry for a minute, then turns to Louis. “Can I contact you then?” she asks hesitantly.

“Of course,” Louis says, biting back a smile, ignoring Liam hissing in his ear that it's a bad idea. He doesn't care. They know he's alive now and he knows protocol is that he can't be around them or have contact with them at all really, but he doesn't fucking care.

He's missed so much of her life all ready. He doesn't want to miss more of it. Harry may not want to speak to him and he gets that, so if Claire is willing to try so is he. Zayn and the agency can fuck off.

Pulling out a card from his breast pocket and handing it to her, he says, “That's my personal contact information. Please don't give it out, not like I think you will, but I have to be careful. And I will warn you that it might take me a while to reply due to...stuff.”

She takes it, nodding. “You have a card?”

“Of course.”

“Cool.”

Harry places a hand on the small of her back and starts leading her to the door. “Come on, love. We need to go.”

No one says anything after that. On his way out the door, Harry gives Louis a look he doesn't understand. He doesn't have time to dwell on it now. (Eventually he'll have time to think about everything that's happened. He's not sure he wants to.)

“Well, suppose this night has gone to shit,” Niall comments. 

Louis laughs, clapping him on the back. “You're right about that.”

Center>**

Thomas had only milled about for the rest of the evening. He and Niall had kept their distance in case he _did_ know who they were. Louis wasn't about to put his family at risk any more than he all ready had. Basically, the evening was a bust. (Even if he did get Harry to agree to letting Claire talk to him.

Them staying away from Thomas had only angered Zayn more than he all ready was. Apparently, he doesn't like that Louis lied. Frankly, Louis doesn't think it's _that_ big a deal. Then again, he's just doesn't like being yelled at by his friends.

“Why the hell did you lie to me? What the hell were you thinking when you saw them?” Zayn's pacing the room, every now and then turning to Louis to yell a new question or statement at him. “I told you not to do that to them and you didn't listen. _Why?_ Why would you do this? And why would you lie to me?”

Zayn stops pacing, standing directly in front of him, scowling down at him. “Why?”

Louis only shrugs, which pisses Zayn off more. “What the fuck, Louis?” he yells, throwing his arms out. “Why in the world do you not care about this?”

He does care, but Zayn doesn't really want to hear that right now. 

“You were under specific instructions to not contact them,” Zayn continues. “There was a reason we faked your death. There's been a reason for everything that we've done. A very good fucking reason. Not that it matters now because you-. You what? Lost your fucking mind? What in the hell, Louis?”

The thing about this is, Louis understands perfectly well why what he did was a problem. Zayn doesn't need to tell him, but he just can't bring himself to care. He's spent the last seven years missing them and now he's got a chance to have Claire in his life again. Even if it's only email exchanges he'll be happy. 

Zayn can get over it. Louis' sacrificed so much all ready and he understands all the reasons for it, but he doesn't think the lads can ever truly understand what it's like to go through that. They will never understand what it's like to be separated from their family, knowing there's no way they'll ever be back together. Until they can, he doesn't want to hear that.

“Why can't you just listen for once in your life? Why is that so hard f-.”

“Zayn, mate,” Niall says, stepping up to him. His tie is undone, hanging loosely around his neck,and his hair is a mess from where he's run his hands through it so much. “You need to back off. We all knew this would happen eventually. Leave him alone.”

What the hell does that mean? They knew this would happen? What, did they have a get together and talk about it? That's not fair. 

If he were in a different mood he'd call them out on it. He doesn't want to fight, though. Despite the fact that the night was a fail and Zayn's been yelling at him for an hour, he's still happy. He's allowed to speak to his daughter.

Nothing can bring him down.

He hopes.

Zayn licks his lips, looks away and then back. “Yeah, okay. Sorry, sorry. Whatever.”

He walks away, sitting on the sofa. Louis sends a grateful look to Niall, who gives a slight nod, then goes back to leaning against the door frame.

“Okay, well now that that's over,” Liam says. He's stayed out of it, the only thing he did to acknowledge it was to frown at Louis when he and Niall had gotten back. “While we were waiting on the two of you to get back I was able to trace Thomas' family. His grandfather was a member of a secret organization that no longer exists.”

“Which one?” Louis asks, shifting in his seat.

Liam's brow wrinkles as he glances down at his laptop. “Servants of the Fifth Faith,” he answers. Looking back up he says, “Not much is known about them and most people haven't even heard of them, but they did exist until around nineteen-eighty when they were disbanded. No one knows why.”

“Is _anything_ known about them?” Niall questions.

“Not really. From what I can tell, though, those who knew about them feared them. Apparently, they knew a lot of information about all sorts of things they shouldn't have and, again, no one knows how they got the information or how much they had.”

“You think they had people on the inside?” Louis asks.

Zayn nods. “I guarantee they did.”

“There's no way to tell,” Liam tells them. “It's also believed they were involved in the assassination of JFK, but, like I said, no one knows for sure.”

“Okay,” Louis says, clapping his hands together. “Thomas' grandfather might have been involved in the assassination of a U.S. president. That doesn't really help us, though.”

“Louis' right,” Zayn says. “Just because his grandfather was a dick doesn't mean he is.”

“Doesn't look good for him, though,” Niall adds.

Liam shuts his laptop. “Well, that's all I've got. If you any of you three want to give it a go, be my guest.”

Louis exaggeratedly rolls his eyes. “Come on, Payno. We're not giving you hell, we're just discussing.”

“How about we talk about how Louis fucked up some more,” he suggests. “I was enjoying that a lot more.”

“Well, I wasn't,” Louis says, frowning. “I know I fucked up, but right now I can't bring myself to care too much. Harry's agreed to let Claire talk to me. If the three of you died right now, it still wouldn't bring my mood down.”

“Hey!” Liam and Niall protest.

Zayn frowns at him. “I don't think that's the best idea.”

“Good thing I'm not asking what you think,” Louis retorts, eyes narrowed. “She's my daughter and I've missed too much of her life and-.”

“It was on your own volition, though,” Zayn points out. “You made the decision knowing what you were getting into. You can't blame us and you've got to realize how bad this is.”

“It's not that bad,” Louis tells him, standing. “Look, I get it, okay? I fucked up. I went against the rules or whatever, but in my defense I didn't really realize what I was doing until I was standing in their doorway, bleeding out. And I was going to stay away, but I don't think that's fair to Claire. She wants to at least speak to me, she should be able to.”

Zayn crosses his arms. “I could order you not to talk to them. I could make sure you can't.”

Narrowing his eyes, Louis says, “You wouldn't do that because you know how much they mean to me. And you also know if you tried I would make your life a living hell and I'd find a way to get past you. I'd quit even. Take them someplace you could never find us.”

That's providing they wanted to go, but Zayn doesn't need to know that things aren't peachy between them. He probably suspects that, anyway. Louis' not going to confirm. It'd only add fuel to his fire.

“If you really are going to do that,” he continues, “I will walk away right now. The door's right over there.” He motions to it, taking a step closer to Zayn. “I'm not lying when I say I will never speak to you again if you try that.”

Zayn stares up at him and for a moment Louis thinks he really will try it, but then he sighs. “Louis, of course I wouldn't do that. I'm just asking you to be careful.”

Louis doesn't hide his smile. “I'm always careful,” he says, walking toward the door.

On his way out, he hears Niall says, “He's never careful.”

He's right, not anymore, but now that he's going to have some sort of contact with Claire he's about to be a hell of a lot more careful.


	3. Putting My Heart Back Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis does some reflecting, Zayn may be in trouble, and people are lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, same old same old. Thanks for reading, I don't own One Direction or Zayn, comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> I do want to say this: if you don't like what you're reading or don't like something I've done, I don't mind constructive criticism, but don't leave comments shitting on this - or anyone else's work for that matter - just because you don't like it. And if you do, don't be passive aggressive about it. I'm the queen of passive aggressive behavior, you will not win. Fic writers do this stuff for free and mostly for themselves and many of them are young. Don't be a dick about it if you don't like it. No one is forcing you to read and if you still read it, don't leave a nasty comment. This is a serious problem in this fandom and people need to stop. If this for whatever reason upsets you and you choose not to read the rest of my stuff, oh well.
> 
> I feel like none of that should need to be said, but apparently it does.
> 
> Thank you!! And enjoy!!!!

With Keats left in the care of their agents, he and the lads returned to D.C., leaving strict instructions to not let Keats get away. Louis doesn't think they should have left him because as much as he trusts the agents he distrusts Keats more. If he's as valuable to Volia as they've been lead to believe, it's only a matter of time before they try to get him back.

It won't be pretty when they do. They've only got four agents there, two watching him at all times. They have no idea how big or resourceful Volia is at this point, but Louis' sure once they come for Keats, everyone with him is dead. It'll be a blood bath for sure.

He doesn't want to lose those agents, but when he'd questioned Zayn's decision to return to D.C., Zayn had told him Keats was perfectly fine where he was and the agents had it covered. Louis trusts Zayn with his life, but he doesn't agree with this decision and it's left a bad feeling settling in his stomach. 

However, he's not the one that calls the shots and any amount of arguing with Zayn would have put them both in bad moods for the rest of the day, so he boarded the plane with the others and looked forward to sleeping in his own bed.

In the two weeks since they were in Manchester and he saw Harry and Claire again, he's received two emails from her. It'd been eating at him the whole time because he hadn't been able to read them until today. He almost wishes he never had. Not because it was bad, but it upsets him thinking about how much of her life he's missed.

She hadn't really said much in the emails, choosing to give him vague details of how her life is going instead. She mentions how Dog is. Apparently, she's sick. (Louis thinks it's probably because she's so old. The thought of Dog passing makes him oddly emotional.)

Claire mentions that Ethan is teaching her to drive because Harry refuses to give her that amount of freedom given the circumstances. She didn't elaborate on what the circumstances are, but Louis has feeling it's something to do with him. Assuming it is, this fact about her life that she's shared makes him angry. Irrationally, probably, but Harry shouldn't be punishing her for this. It was all Louis' fault. Claire wouldn't have followed him had he not shown up after being “dead” for seven years. And, of course, it's upsetting that Ethan's doing something that Louis should be doing, but he also appreciates that Claire's got someone who obviously cares and is willing to deal with Harry's wrath for going behind his back for her. Ethan gets a point for that.

The tone of her emails doesn't sound like she's talking to her father who's returned from the dead, rather a friend she's trying to keep in contact with. That's probably the most upsetting thing about this. That she either doesn't feel like he's her father or that she can't speak to him like he is. There's nothing he can do about it from this far away, so he chooses to push the thought away.

It's not until the end of the second email that she'd sent two days after the first that she gets personal. It's the end of _that_ email that breaks Louis' heart.

She says that she misses him and has done nothing but imagine that he'd come home one day even though she knew that wouldn't happen. She says that she used to talk to Harry about it, but several years ago he blew up at her for it, saying it wasn't going to happen and she should stop thinking about him. He'd yelled, made her cry and feel awful for it. He'd apologized hours later, apparently, saying she shouldn't ever forget him, but asked that she please never talk about him again and urged her to stop thinking about him ever coming home.

She adds that since she'd followed Louis that night Harry's been treating her like a very small child and barely even speaks to her. According to her, Harry's being a dick. She didn't use those exact words, but that's what he's getting out of it.

It hurts Louis to imagine that happening. He'd always hoped that they'd helped each other through it together. He hadn't ever thought Harry would be _that_ person. He'd wrongly hoped that Harry would encourage Claire to not forget her father. Because, even if Harry told Claire to not forget him, telling her not to ever mention Louis again sort of goes against that. He didn't actively do anything to make sure she didn't forget. 

And maybe Harry told her to stop mentioning him because it was too painful for him, which sure, but as Claire's parent he shouldn't have done it. Claire needed someone and needed to talk about it. Harry was the only person who knew what she was going through and that she could talk to and he forbade her from doing so. It infuriates him to think that Harry did that, that Harry's still treating Claire differently than he should because of Louis.

He'd never questioned Harry's parenting in past because Harry's a damn good parent, but this is horrible. And it's not because he he's being selfish and didn't want to be forgotten. It's because it obviously upset Claire a lot. As her parent Harry should have put his feelings aside and let Claire deal the way she needed to. And it's becoming clear to him that Claire and Harry are not as close as he would've liked. They're driving each other away and he can't help but feel responsible for that.

It's not fucking fair that he did that.

It's not fair that Louis did this to them.

With tears in his eyes, he types out his response, telling her he hopes Dog is okay, but reminds her that she is older than dirt so she should prepare herself for it (It probably didn't come off the way it would've in person.) He asks some follow-up questions about her schooling, says he's grateful that Ethan is teaching her to drive, and says Harry's just worried and is doing what he thinks is best. 

He mentions he disagrees with Harry, but doesn't go into why. Then he addresses the last of her emails. The part that tore his heart to millions of tiny pieces and scattered them in the wind. 

_Claire, I have to say that I apologize for everything that you've gone through,_ he types. _The majority of it has been my fault and no amount of apologizing will ever make up for that, but I am truly sorry. I'd spend the rest of my life apologizing to you if I could._

_As for your father, I apologize for him too, not that it's my place to. The thing is, sometimes people know what they should do, but it's too hard for them to actually do it. Harry is an amazing person and he's been through more than you probably know. (I have absolutely know clue how much he's told you about his past, but trust me when I say that. You have no idea what he's been through.)_

_I disagree with and am appalled at the fact that he told you never to mention me again. It's not me being selfish, I don't think. I know what it's like to lose people and being told not to talk about them is a horrible thing and makes the pain worse. He shouldn't have done that to you._

_With that being said, you and I both have to remember that he was grieving too. Whatever he said and did – and continues to do – shouldn't be held against him. He was dealing with it how he felt was right._

_I think, if you care, that you and Harry need to sit down and have a long, uninterrupted, serious, emotional talk about this stuff before it becomes entirely way too late. He's dealing with the same stuff you are, but in his own quiet, stroppy sort of way._

_Whenever he'd be seriously upset by something, he'd retreat into himself and sometimes he needs to be pulled out by someone else. It sounds to me that he's still having issues with this. Me showing up at your door like I did disrupted everything the two of you have known for the last seven years. You both grieved for me and now you both have to deal with that fact that I'm not dead._

_From what I know of your father and because I know the situation, I think he's feeling betrayed among other things. As well he should, but because of that I think he feels even more betrayed by the fact that you wanted to talk to me. He's angry at me and I don't blame him. He has every right to be, as do you. I think he probably thought you'd share his anger and deal with this in the same way. You didn't and that's probably messed with him too._

_Maybe a talk would help. Just remember to be patient with him. He loves you and he'll come around._

He ends the email apologizing several more times for everything. And he spends ten minutes debating on whether or not it's appropriate to sign off with “love” since she hadn't. The thing is, he hasn't stopped loving her and she is still his daughter despite everything, but he doesn't know how appropriate it or how she'll react to it. 

He signs off with “love”. 

He cries himself to sleep later.

**

It took Claire three days to reply to his email. Three days in which Louis tried to not think about it too much by distracting himself with work. Not that he had much to do since he's not been on an assignment in a while, but he managed to find stuff to occupy his time. Maybe that's why he got some strange looks from Niall and Zayn because he was in earlier than they were and stayed later too. Liam didn't seem to notice anything, but he's been busy.

He suspects Claire read his response the day he sent it to her and just didn't reply. The reason as to why is something he's tried not to think about too much because he's was worried he'd said something wrong, worried he'd upset her, worried he came off weirdly and scared her off. 

He finally broke down and briefly mentioned it to Niall yesterday and all he'd said was Louis was worrying too much and needed to “calm down, maybe take some time off” before walking off.

Louis had scoffed at that. He doesn't need time off. His mood and his worry was justified, in his opinion. It had absolutely nothing to do with his job. Niall can fuck off.

It took her three days, but she replied. He'd let out a sigh of relief when he'd seen her email in his inbox, had relaxed even more when he'd seen that she'd started it off by thanking him.

There wasn't explanation of what she was thanking him for. She did, however, say that she was planning on asking Harry to stay at home on Saturday so they could talk. It was all she said about it before switching the conversation to Dog, explaining that they'd taken her to the vet and she basically had the dog equivalent of the cold and she should be fine.

The email was much shorter than her previous ones, but she signed off with x's, which is more than he got before, so he'll take it. He's really happy that she's decided to force Harry into a talk. It'll be good for both of them and it's probably long overdue. He just hopes Harry doesn't make it too hard for her.

He's got a lot he wants to say to her still – like how amazingly she's grown up – but he'd rather do that in person some day. Not to mention, he doesn't want to come off however that would come off. He doesn't want to scare her or upset her in anyway, so he keeps his reply short.

He says he's glad Dog is going to be okay. And he warns her that Harry may get angrier and even stroppier during their talk, but she needs to hang in there and not give up.

Instead of saying what he really wants to, he tells her that he's proud of her for being the adult in this situation, saying that Harry will be proud of her too once he gets over his fit. There's no apology from him this time and he still signs off with “love”.

It's later that evening, when he's going over some case files at home, that he gets a text from an unsaved number, but he recognizes it all the same.

His heart is beating quickly as he grabs the phone, unlocking it and opening the message. There was really no expectation of what the text said, but he still finds himself sagging into his sofa when he reads it because Harry's not yelling at him for something.

**I'm not sure what you've done or said to her, but she's been a lot happier than she has in years. Thank you.**

Biting his lip to try to stop himself from smiling and crying simultaneously, he briefly wonders how Harry got his number, but figures he could've easily gotten it from Claire or Niall.

The text itself isn't overly personal, but Harry even taking the time to get his number or to actually thank him for something Louis shouldn't be thanked for is monumental in his book. Harry's not happy with him and Louis gets why. He's surprised Harry agreed to let Claire speak to him, even if it is through email. The fact that Harry is thanking him shouldn't make him this giddy, but it has.

Maybe things aren't as irreparable as he'd originally thought. Or maybe he's getting his hopes up. It doesn't matter, really. He's getting to know Claire, albeit slowly, but he is. And Harry's not angry enough at him to not thank him for something.

It's a step in the right direction.

He goes to bed that night happier than he's been in a long time.

**

Louis' been so wrapped up in his own world for the last couple of days – wrapped up in the fact that he's talking to his daughter for the first time in seven years – and had taken Niall's advice for a break, that when he walks into the main office on Friday, he freezes just inside the door, eyes wide and searching.

People are running around everywhere, passing papers off to one another, senior agents barking orders, and the lads are no where to be seen. The latter isn't _unusual_ , but if there's this much chaos something big has happened and it would only make sense for Zayn to be ordering people around or standing on the balcony overseeing everything. It's his job and he does it well.

He's not there, though, and that usually means it's Louis' job to supervise and order if he's not on assignment. 

Louis' pretty sure he isn't on assignment, which means he wasn't notified of whatever is going on. And usually that means something...well, this has never happened before. But, he's sure there's a good reason he wasn't called in. It must mean this isn't as big of a thing as it appears.

Except, he knows better than that. If there's this much chaos in the building, something really big and terrible has happened. Zayn's not here and it should be Louis' job to supervise, then, but obviously that isn't what's happening. And that's not even the weirdest part.

When Louis isn't around and Zayn is busy or just doesn't want to do something, he leaves Niall or Liam in charge. Neither of them are around either.

He can't make out what's on the wall of computers and it seems no one has noticed him walk in. His options are to either walk around aimlessly until his questions are answered by whatever he finds or he can hunt Zayn down and get answers that way.

Asking someone down here what's going on will only get him so far. These agents don't know the whole story, he's sure, and getting bits and pieces only makes him crazy trying to piece it all together. Finding Zayn may prove to be difficult since he's not standing around and ordering people to do things. Or he could actually be in his office, which is a rarer thing than people think.

He _really_ only has the one option he's willing to do.

Grabbing an agent by the arm as she passes Louis, he asks, “Where's Malik?”

She blinks, eyes roaming over Louis' face. “His office. With Payne and Horan.”

“Right,” Louis says, releasing the girl's arm. “Thank you.”

She watches him curiously for a second before walking off.

Sighing, Louis turns and heads for the stairs. It takes him longer than usual because people are constantly cutting him off to run somewhere and by the time he makes it to Zayn's office the good mood he was in is completely gone, replaced by dread.

The door to Zayn's office is cracked and he can here them in there, voices muted and worried. He pushes open the door slowly and walks in, none of them noticing.

Zayn's bent over his desk, looking at, what Louis assumes, is Liam's tablet. Liam's in the chair next to him, pointing something out and Niall's got his back toward the door, staring down at the desk, neck bent at an odd angle. 

“What's going on, lads?” he asks hesitantly, stepping further into the room and closing the door.

They all startle, looking up at him in surprise. 

Niall, who's turned away from the desk now, is frowning, arms crossed. “About time you graced us with you presence, Tommo.”

“Nobody called me in,” Louis says, shrugging, holding his arms out and glancing between the three of them. They all look like they haven't slept, dark circles under their eyes and varying degrees of distress etched on their faces. Something is definitely not right. Something's happened and for some reason Louis wasn't called. “Not really my fault.”

“Were you not on the internet at all? Or turn on the news?” Niall questions. “It's been two days.”

Yeah, so obviously he's missed something. “Still, no one called me in.”

“You should have-.”

“Where _have_ you been?” Liam asks, cutting Niall off, who sighs and leans on the desk.

“At home, relaxing. Taking a break, like I was told to.” He wasn't exactly told to. It was _suggested_. The technicalities aren't important now. “What's going on?”

Liam opens his mouth, snapping it shut when Zayn starts speaking over him. “There was an attack on Berlin, the Chancellor was killed.”

In retrospect, Louis should have been expecting something like this. He wasn't sure _what_ it was he was expecting, but this was certainly not it. How he's managed to go this long without hearing about it in some way is sort of worrying, but then again, he's not been focused on much of anything aside from Claire. This is much bigger than that, though. He should have been alerted when he didn't show up after a couple of hours.

Still, attacks on cities happen all the time. People die in those attacks, whether they're “important” people or not. They always know of the attacks, know the specifics and know who's responsible. It hardly ever brings upon this organized chaos he's stepped into.

“I'm assuming we think it's Voila?”

Zayn nods. “We don't know much, yet, but we're almost positive Voila is behind this.”

“Why do we think that?”

“There was a, uh, message so to speak left at the remains of the Berlin Chancellery,” Liam says, grabbing his tablet and standing. “It's in German,” he continues, walking around the desk and showing Louis. “But we've had it translated.”

The picture Liam shows him is of half a wall that's been burnt down. There's German written across it in what Louis hopes is red paint. “What's it say then?” he asks, looking up to Liam.

Liam bites his lip, eyes flickering to Zayn. “Keats,” he says. “It literally is just the German translation of Alan Keats.”

“Well, what's that mean?”

“We have no idea,” Zayn tells him. “But I'm having the agents in Manchester question him.”

Niall snorts. “Like he'll give anything up. We've had him for over a week and we've gotten nothing.”

“If I could be the one to question him,” Louis starts, but doesn't finish because Zayn groans.

“Louis, I'm not sending you back to Manchester unless I absolutely have to.”

He doesn't want to think about why Zayn's saying that and they have bigger issues to deal with instead of an argument about Louis' personal life interfering with his professional one. “Okay,” he draws out. “So why is it still crazy out there?” He jerks his head behind, raising his eyebrow. “It's been a day or so. Normally, the chaos has subsided. What aren't you telling me?”

“As of now, the general population still know nothing about Volia,” Zayn begins, clasping his hands behind his back and walking to the window. “And we'd like to keep it that way. We're cleaning up after them, so to speak.”

There's still something odd in the atmosphere. Louis' been through things like this enough in the last seven years to know that no matter how big the threat is this not how it's supposed to go. Not to mention, the lads are acting strangely.

Niall's being snippy, Liam's antsier than usual, shuffling from foot to foot and biting at his lip, and Zayn's being cryptic. Something _else_ has happened. For some reason they aren't telling him.

It doesn't sit well and he's got a choice to make. He can pretend he doesn't realize it, avoiding an argument, or he can call them out on it.

“Okay, lads, why don't you tell me what's really going on?”

“This is what's really going on,” Liam says. “Do you want me to show you the coroner's pictures.”

Louis holds a hand up. “I'm not saying that didn't happen. I'm saying you all are keeping something else from me and I want to know what it is.”

Everyone's silent for a moment, Liam and Niall's gazes settled on Zayn's back. Zayn doesn't acknowledge anything about what Louis says, continuing to stare out the window.

“Might as well tell him, Zayn. He'll find out eventually,” Niall states.

Zayn stays silent.

Liam sighs, turning back to Louis. “Zayn has received what can only be described as a, uh, death threat.”

“A death threat?” Louis repeats, eyebrows raised. “From whom? What kind of threat? Is it serious?”

Again, Zayn stays silent.

“We treat any threat seriously, Louis,” Liam chastises. “But, yes, this is serious.”

“It was signed by Voila,” Niall tells him. “Said if Zayn didn't drop the investigation,” he makes air-quotes on that, “into them, they'd hunt him down and do unspeakable things to him. Of course, I'm paraphrasing. It was sent to his house yesterday morning.”

“So it's very serious,” Liam finishes.

“I'm assuming we aren't dropping the investigation?”

Zayn turns around then. “Of course not,” he says, face scrunched in disgust at the thought. “We will take Voila down. Regardless of how much they want me dead.”

Louis frowns. “They know where you live.”

“Then they could have killed me then. In case you can't tell, they didn't.”

“Are you not taking this seriously?”

Liam walks around Louis, crossing the room to stand next to Niall. “We've all ready tried it, mate,” he says, setting his tablet down on the desk. “He really isn't.”

“Are you stupid?” Louis asks. “They know where you live and they've threatened to kill you if you don't stop. That's fucking serious. I'm not saying call this off. I'm saying lets err on the side of caution here. You know, treat this like your life is in danger because _it is_.”

“Louis,” Zayn begins, frowning, “Don't belittle me. I'm aware this is a serious thing, but my life is not nearly as important as the thousands of people Voila will kill if given the chance. I'm going to continue on with this and I'm not going to let them bully me into submission.”

Louis gets it, he does, but Zayn's his friend and these are the type of people that will kill for no reason. Zayn going against them is a death sentence. They will not hesitate to kill him.

However, Louis gets it. Their lives are not as important as the world's population. They're here for a reason and that reason is to save people and stop organizations like Voila from reaching their goals at any cost.

Biting at the inside of his cheek, Louis rolls his eyes. “We're supposed to be secret,” he says, changing the subject somewhat. “How does Voila know about us?” he asks, turning to Liam.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Zayn let out a quiet breath, shoulders releasing some of the tension. He's not as okay with this as he's pretending to be. He probably knows they all know that, but they've all had many years of pretending to be okay when they aren't. 

It's an unspoken rule not to bring it up amongst all of them. Louis will talk to Zayn about it. Now's not the time. 

“No idea,” Liam answers. “I'm looking into it, though. The problem is,” he says, glaring over at Zayn, “ is that I can't use all my resources.” 

He looks back to Louis, lips pursed. “Zayn's ordered us to keep the threat in this room. No one else is allowed to know, which I understand. However, that's making my job more difficult. I'm having to oversee the Intelligence and Analytic guys as they look into this attack on Germany and all the other things they've got going on, which leaves me little room to look into this myself. And I can't really use the tech we have here to do so in fear that someone will find out what it's for.”

Liam nearly growls out that last bit, glaring at Zayn more. It's clear he isn't happy about this. “But I am looking into it and I will let you know when I find something.”

“If you don't like it, Liam, you can always just quit.”

“Shut up, Louis.”

“I think someone should go undercover,” Niall speaks up, pushing away from the desk and standing in front of Zayn. “We have very little information about these people and I think it's the only way we'll get it.”

“I can do it,” Louis suggests, holding his hand up.

Zayn's immediately shaking his head, though. “We're not there yet,” he tells them, sidestepping Niall and sitting in his desk chair. “No one is going undercover.”

Niall groans, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I agree with, Nialler,” Louis says.

“Thank you!” Niall exclaims, throwing his arms out and turning to Zayn. “See, Louis agrees with me.”

“That doesn't help your case, Niall,” Zayn tells him.

Louis frowns. “I think we should.”

“I'm telling you, we don't have enough information,” Zayn argues. “I know that's why you think we should, but it's not. We don't know where they are and we'd have no way to keep in contact with the undercover agent. How many more times are we going to have go over this, Niall?”

“Until you explain to me why-.”

“Lads,” Liam starts, stepping between them. “We can argue about this some other time. We've got to be dealing with this more pressing issue we have of the Chancellor of Germany being dead.”

“What a nice way to put it,” Louis quips. “Liam, I can help with your thing, so you can spend more time on Zayn's thing,” he suggest, quirking his brows.

Liam nods. “Yeah, sure. If Zayn doesn't need you for anything.”

Zayn shakes his head. “Don't disappear again, Louis.”

“I didn't disappear,” he defends. “I was at home the whole time.”

“You still weren't here,” Niall points out. “For all we knew you'd-.”

“Oh come on,” Liam says, grabbing Louis' elbow and pulling him toward the door. “I want to start on this as soon as possible.”

Louis shoots a smile at Niall and Zayn before turning in Liam's grip and walking with him. Once out in the hall, Louis says, “I wish he'd take this more serious.”

“I've said the same about you before.”

“True,” Louis acquiesces. “Still think we should send someone undercover.”

“I think Zayn's right,” Liam tells him, turning down the hall to his office. “We hardly have any information on Volia. It'd be too risky.”

“Do we even know what Volia stands for?” 

“Don't think it stands for anything, to be honest.” 

“Of course it doesn't,” Louis mutters, following Liam into the tech office. “Nothing can be easy.”

**

It's Monday and Louis hasn't heard from Claire. He's not panicking, he swears, but he is worried because there's a reason she hasn't contacted him. Her and Harry were supposed to have their talk on Saturday and he's concerned the conversation went badly, that she got the answers she wanted about Louis – about his past and everything else – and sees him differently now.

He knows if he were in her position he'd have to rethink everything. He'd see himself differently. It'd be hard for him to be able to move past that. It's most likely what's happening now. He won't blame her for it because he understands, but he'd at least like an email telling him to fuck off and that she never wants to speak to him ever again.

He could handle that. This silence he's in right now is driving him up the wall.

Quickly, he types up a short “how did it go” email and sends it to her, hoping she'll respond soon. He can't take much more of this.

Zayn walks in then, closing the door behind him and quietly crossing the room to sit across from him. “As your friend, I'm asking if you want to talk?”

“What makes you think there's anything to talk about?” Louis replies, closing out of his email on the off chance Zayn can see his computer. Not that there's anything there Zayn would take offense to in any way, Louis just doesn't like people looking at his stuff.

“Louis. I was with Liam. I heard everything he heard.”

He sighs, ducking his head. Of course he wants to talk. So he does.

He explains everything. 

He tells Zayn about what happened when he saw them that first time, tells him about Ethan, tells him about how Harry reacted to seeing him and how horrible it made him feel. He suspects Zayn wants to say something along the lines of “That's why you shouldn't have gone”, but he doesn't, only listens.

Then he explains a bit more of what was going through his head at the charity ball and why he let Claire have his contact information. He explains to Zayn that he doesn't really know what he's doing or what he hopes to achieve out of all this because Harry clearly doesn't want to speak to him and he knows it'd be close to impossible to keep working and to have his family back. But he does know he doesn't want his family to hate him more than they all ready do. It's why he let Claire decide if she wanted to talk to him or not.

He tells Zayn that knowing that Harry has moved on hurts, but it's also nice to know that he's not been sat around mourning Louis this whole time. He gives some detail on how Harry and Claire's relationship seems strained and tells him about the emails. Tells him how he knows that Harry and Claire's problems with each other are the result of everything that Louis' done.

He even admits that, in a way, he wishes he would have listened to Zayn and stayed away, but he also loves the fact that he's been able to speak to Claire and see how well she's grown up. He doesn't mention that he wishes more than anything that he'd been partially responsible for it. He thinks Zayn can figure that out on his own. He figures Zayn's picked up on all the things Louis hasn't said.

When he's finished, Zayn sits silently, picking at the loose skin around his nail, for a long time before he speaks. “You know, I always felt like you were making a mistake choosing the job over you family. I've spent the last seven years watching you be miserable without them. I feel like I've let you down somehow. I feel like I should have stopped you.”

“It's not your fault,” Louis tells him earnestly. “It was my decision to make and I had my reasons. It's all on me.”

There's nothing more for him to say and nothing Zayn can say to make him feel better. Hell, there's not much Zayn could say to make him feel worse. And Louis' sort of done talking about it. He explained what happened, what was going through his head and everything else. 

He's done talking for the day. Maybe for a long time to anyone that isn't Claire or Harry.

It's late. Louis should have left an hour ago and he knows Zayn's been spending more and more time at the office, whether it's due to the threat or wanting to catch Voila, he doesn't know, but it's well past their normal hours.

He's heard Zayn's stomach growl a couple of times. “You should get food.”

Zayn nods. “Yeah.”

He stands, turning to the door without a word. Doesn't stop until Louis says, “Zayn?”

When he turns his mouth is set in a straight line and his eyes are questioning. “Do you think Harry will ever forgive me?”

Zayn's quiet for a second, obviously looking for the right answer that won't upset him. Louis doesn't want the right answer, he wants the honest one. In the end, that's what he gets.

“No idea, mate.”

Then Zayn's walking out of the room and Louis' left alone. Again.

**

It's Wednesday and he still hasn't gotten an answer from Claire.

He's jumpy. It's a combination of the lack of response from her and everything else that's going on. He's got a feeling something bad is going to happen, something that's becoming more commonplace than anything. It's been a small thing he's been able to push away for about a month now, but since he found out Voila is threatening Zayn it's grown and he can't ignore it now.

He wishes he could. It'd be easier for him to pretend that he's completely fine and everything is hunky-dory. If only it were that easy. But it's not. His friend is in danger of losing his life and Claire still hasn't answered him and he can't stop thinking about it, can't stop imagining all these horrible scenarios where he walks in and finds Zayn dead or Claire shows up and tells him what she really thinks about him. (It's never good.)

It's taken over his sleep too. He's been dreaming about it. Sometimes both of those things at once and no matter how much he tries he can't escape. There's so much blood and so many horribly cruel things coming out of Claire's mouth.

The night before last he even had a dream where Zayn and Claire were both dead because of him, but came back to life and he was being chased by two bloody corpses. After a long time of running, they'd caught him and proceeded to kill him. He'd not gone back to sleep after that one.

If he is being paranoid again, he hopes it stops soon. If he has a legitimate reason to be worried, he hopes whatever it is happens soon. He doesn't like being in a constant state of worry.

He's been pacing his office for the better part of an hour, not paying attention to the outside world, but when he suddenly hears people start screaming and a couple of gunshots go off he stills and listens.

The gunshots stop, but the screaming doesn't.

Spoke too soon, he thinks as he grabs his gun off his desk and flings open the door, following the commotion. 

He goes into the main office, freezing when he takes in the scene around him. The masked man from Manchester is standing on a desk in the center of the room, pointing up at the balcony. Zayn's there, looking completely unamused and unarmed. At least, that's who it looks like to Louis. There's no real way for him to know at this point, but he'd bet good money on it.

Niall's a way back from Zayn, eyes locked on the attacker. Louis knows Niall never goes anywhere without his gun, but as soon as Niall starts to grab it the man will shoot him. It's undoubtable and probably why none of the people in the room have tried taking the man out.

Most of them aren't field agents and have probably never dealt with something like this outside of training, but they know protocol and they _are_ trained. By the CIA. Any one of them are a better shot than Louis. They could all outrank him in any training they went through, but every single one of them are frozen, eyes set on the man in the center of the room.

Louis glances around trying to spot Liam. He's not anywhere Louis can see and Louis sighs, both because, of course, Liam isn't here and in relief because he doesn't see anyone injured and because he seems to have entered the room without being seen, which works in his favor.

“Well, if you're going to shoot me, go ahead and end the dramatics,” Zayn says dryly as Louis starts slowly inching forward.

He rolls his eyes. It's hard telling if Zayn has seen him there or if he's just being stupid. Neither of those things would surprise Louis. If it ended up being both, Louis still wouldn't be surprised.

Louis' nearing the desk when he locks eyes with Zayn, giving a slight nod before quietly climbing up on the desk behind the man. “Or is the dramatics the only reason you're here?” Zayn continues. “You know where I live. Could've killed me quietly at home.”

The man doesn't say anything, re-aiming his shot. “I don't think so,” Louis says, knocking the guy on the back of the head with his gun. 

The gun falls out of the man's hand, hitting the desk with a thud, as his body falls haphazardly around the desk. Louis toes at the man's side twice, kicking him harder the last time. When he doesn't react, Louis sighs, putting his gun in his waistband.

“Way to go, Tommo!” Niall yells, starting down the stairs. 

Agents are coming out from hiding, muttering and pointing at Louis. He almost wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn't, cocking his eyebrow at Zayn. He _does_ roll his eyes, following after Niall. 

When Niall is close enough to the bottom of the stairs, he leaps over the railing, nearly landing on someone crawling out from under a desk.

“Oi! Watch it!”

At the sound of the familiar voice, Louis groans. Niall chuckles. “Been off the field too long, Payno?” he asks, helping Liam up.

Once, he's up, Liam starts dusting off his clothes. Clearing his throat, he says, “I'm unarmed,” he says.

“Never stopped you before,” Zayn says in passing.

Liam and Niall start squabbling over Liam's ability to protect himself, but Louis tunes them out, kneeling next to the man at his feet.

“This the same guy that attacked you in Manchester?”

“Could be,” Louis says, looking up at Zayn. “Probably.”

Louis flips the guy over, grabbing at the mask around his face. Pausing, he says, “Should've taken it seriously, mate.”

When he pulls off the mask, Niall, having come to stand next to the desk, mutters, “What the hell?”

That's an accurate response if Louis' ever heard one. “I don't understand,” he says, staring down at the familiar brown hair and young face. He's glad he can't see his eyes. “I really don't understand.”

“Why would _he_ come after you?” Liam directs at Zayn.

“I think the better question is,” Niall says, shifting on his feet, “is why, if he's the leader of Voila, he's coming after you personally?”

Before Zayn can answer, Louis stands, tossing the mask down on Thomas' chest. “I think we've been lied to.”

**

They'd let Niall take Thomas in for questioning. Louis had only been a little miffed that he'd not gotten to do it. The guy attacked him in Manchester and then tried to kill Zayn. Louis should get to speak to him, at least he'd have an excuse to rough him up a bit. (Maybe that's why Zayn let Niall do it. Louis sometimes can't control himself in interrogations.)

Louis had taken Zayn out of the building in case of another attack. It was doubtful there'd be one, but Louis wan't about to take that chance. At some point, whoever sent Thomas here will realize he failed and send someone more dangerous after Zayn. He'd been reluctant to leave with Louis, claiming he had to file a report and check in on his agents and _blah, blah, blah_. 

When Louis had told him they were going to get food at Zayn's favorite diner, he'd shut up and followed Louis quietly.

They'd been gone for an hour when Niall had finally called, saying he'd finished questioning Thomas and they needed to get back as soon as possible.

It's all he said about it before hanging up. Zayn had sighed, pulled out his wallet and thrown money down before standing and walking out quietly. Louis rolled his eyes, threw some of his own money down and followed after him.

“You know,” Louis starts as he and Zayn stride through the building, dodging agents, “We could just blow up the planet.” 

“Louis.” 

“What?” he asks, holding his arms out and turning his torso toward Zayn. “I'm just saying, we blow up the planet we won't have to work anymore and everyone will be dead so they won't need protecting. It's a win win.”

Zayn shakes his head, ignoring him. 

They jog up the stairs and cross the hall quickly, stepping into Zayn's office and shutting the door when they see Niall and Liam all ready in there. 

Liam's pacing, biting at his fingernail, and Niall's perched on Zayn's desk, watching him.

“I questioned Thomas,” Niall states needlessly once the door is closed. They all ready knew he did. 

“I could have done that, you know,” Louis says, poking at Zayn's chest as he goes to the sofa.

They all ignore him.

“Thomas isn't the one in charge of Volia,” Niall says. “He's the one getting information and taking it to his boss for money. And he's not the only one. It's why he was at that charity ball. He'd hoped to get information on a couple of the politicians there.”

Zayn groans, running a hand through his hair. “If he's not the one in charge, then who is?”

“Yeah, you aren't going to like this.” Niall pauses, frowning. “Thomas says it's Keats.”

There's a moment of intense silence before Zayn is lunging across the room, grabbing for his phone and calling up the agents in Manchester.

“How do we know he's telling the truth?” Liam questions over Zayn's muttering.

“Because I do,” Niall tells him, eyes hard. “Believe me, if he was lying-.”

“Damn it,” Zayn yells, tossing his phone back onto his desk. “No one fucking answered.”

There's a million reasons as to why that would happen, but Louis guesses there's only one. “What are the chances they were double agents?”

“That would explain how Thomas knew where to find us,” Liam says.

“Or how Volia knows we're on to them,” Niall finishes, walking to the other side of the room to lean against the bookshelf.

It's not a great situation either way, but if they were double agents, that means they've been breached and lord only knows what kind of information Volia has managed to get. They have personal information on everyone here, including the four of them, and all the information the agency has accumulated over the years on every terrorist organization out there, plus whatever else they have.

Not to mention, there could be more double agents. There's no way to know, though. They don't have the time to question everyone and it'd be too difficult to suss out the liars. Right now, they can't trust anyone and that's not good.

Louis stands, rubbing his palms against his thighs. “It's hard telling how long Keats has been out of our reach.”

“Fuck!”

Zayn tosses his mug across the room. It hits the wall, surprisingly not shattering, and falls to the ground with a thud. “We need to get to Manchester,” he says.

That's when it hits Louis and he starts to panic, falling back to the sofa.

He's not heard from Claire in almost a week. He doesn't know her that well anymore, but he thinks he knows her enough to know that no matter what she felt toward him, she wouldn't go this long without speaking to him. He could be wrong, but still.

Thomas was at that charity ball and there's a good chance he saw Claire with him and Harry and figured it out. After all, he did spend a long time chatting to her. If he found out, Volia probably knows, which mean Harry and Claire could very well be in danger.

Shit. 

He's not really even been in their life and they're still in danger because of him. Why can't they just be safe and happy? That's all he wanted and he-.

“Louis!” 

Someone grabs his wrists and pulls his hands away from his face. “Louis, calm down. Come on, clam down. I'm sure Harry and Claire are perfectly fine.”

Louis blinks a couple of times, Liam's face coming into focus. “You've been emailing her, right?” Louis nods. “Then email her again and make sure she knows you need a response.”

He hadn't been aware he'd been speaking, so he's a bit taken aback by the fact Liam knows what he was thinking. (He's ninety-nine percent sue Liam can't read minds.) Taking a deep breath, he nods and Liam lets go of his hands.

He pulls out his phone, opening his email app and typing out: _Look, I'm not sure why you haven't answered me, but I really need you to tell me that you and your father are okay. It's urgent that you do. Please._

He hits send, locking his phone and pocketing it again, praying to God that the desperation he's feeling reaches Claire through it. When he looks up, Liam's still kneeling in front of him. “You know, it's very unlikely Harry and Claire are a factor in this in any way.”

Louis bites his lip. “Logically, I know that,” he replies. “But I can't help but worry.”

“I'm sure they're okay.”

“We don't know that,” he says. “And, I mean, I did research into Ethan, but it's hard telling what he's been covering up. He could very well-.”

“Louis, stop,” Niall orders, still leaning against the bookcase. “You sound ridiculous.”

He sighs, but drops it, feeling a tad bit better. They're right. There's a very low possibility that Harry and Claire are involved. Until he knows that they are, he won't think about it. 

It's better that way.

“I'm getting the jet ready now,” Zayn says. “Better get your stuff ready.”

Louis silently thanks Niall's need for being prepared. He'd forced them all to have a bag ready at both their homes and in their offices for times like this. It saves him the time of packing.

God, he despises packing.

**

They're walking to the jet, bags thrown over their shoulders and wind whipping around them on the tarmac at Dulles when Zayn stops, turning to them.

“Liam,” he says, placing a hand on Liam's shoulder. “What I'm about to ask you to do is something you won't like, but I need you to do it because the only three people I can trust right now are standing right here in front of me.”

He pauses, dropping his hand. “I need you to stay here and run things for me while I'm gone,” he continues, stepping back. “Keep an eye on people. That sort of thing, you know.”

Liam's forehead scrunches up. “Sure, but, um, wish you would've told me that before I packed.”

“Did you not have my all ready packed bag in place?” Niall questions.

Liam's forehead wrinkles even more. Clearly, he'd forgotten about it or he has no idea what Niall's talking about. 

Zayn lets out a laugh and pulls Liam into a hug. “If we need you, I'll let you know,” he says, pulling away.

“Yeah, yeah, but try not to need me,” Liam tells him, turning toward the car. “I'd rather not have to endure this long of a flight by myself,” he calls over his shoulder.

Louis watches him climb into the car and watches as it drives away. “Let's hope we don't need him,” he comments.

When no one replies in any sort of way, he turns, immediately letting out a loud breath through his nose. Zayn and Niall are not there. He turns, facing the jet, and just catches Niall's brunet head disappearing into it.

“Okay, fine.”

As he's getting on the jet, his phone pings with his email notification. 

His heart stops and he holds his breath, pulling out his phone and reading who the notification is from. He breathes again when he reads Claire's name.

Walking to his seat next to Niall because he's the fun one on these flights since Zayn sleeps pretty much straight through, he opens the email and reads. 

_Sorry. We're fine. He was difficult like you said you'd be. I just learned a lot of stuff and am still learning and I need time to process. Is everything okay?_

He sighs, wiping his forehead and dropping his bag next to his seat. He kicks Niall's leg gently. “Claire replied,” he says, when Niall glances up at him, pausing his game. “Everything is fine.”

“That's good,” Niall says, attention immediately going back to his game.

Louis sits, types out: _Everything's fine, yeah. Take all the time you need. Hope things are okay._

He doesn't sign off with “love” or anything similar because he's not entirely sure what her message meant.

He'd suspected that she'd learn things about him she wouldn't be okay with or wouldn't understand. And he's not sure how much Harry actually told her, doesn't know if he told her about Louis' past before Harry or if he only told her about his life once Harry was involved in it.

There's a lot he doesn't know and Claire's email didn't sound overly optimistic, but she's alive and well and that's all that matters to him at this point.

He puts his phone away, letting his head fall back to the headrest.

**

As Louis had predicted, Keats was gone when they'd got to the safe house in Manchester, as were the agents assigned to keeping him locked up. Zayn had not been happy. He'd punched the wall so hard it cracked and his knuckles needed bandaging.

Louis understands the anger, but he's more concerned than anything. If Keats is gone and those agents were double-crossing them, who knows how many back in D.C. are doing the same thing. Liam's still there, so it's less likely one of them would try something, but it is _only_ Liam. They could easily overpower him and let Thomas go. And if that happens and he meets back up with Keats...well, it won't be good.

They'll know where the office is and from that they can undo everything they've worked so hard to do in the last seven years. 

And, of course, Louis' mostly concerned that Thomas knows who Claire really is – what her connection to Louis is – and that if it gets back to Keats, it definitely won't be good for Claire or for Louis. He doesn't want to deal with it.

He's going to keep that to himself, though, because he's probably just worrying too much.

But Keats being gone is not good for any of them and Zayn's got them vigorously going through everything that was left behind for some sort of clue, even if it does seem miniscule.

“Does Claire know you're here?” 

Louis sighs, looking up from the laptop he's been searching for the last half hour. “No, Niall, and I'd like to keep it that way.” 

Niall shrugs, unperturbed, and goes back to shifting through one of the boxes. Louis shakes his head, rolling his eyes, and turns his attention back to the laptop.

For the past three hours, Zayn's been flipping through files that were left behind. The majority of those files were theirs when they were here weeks ago and he flips through them carelessly, but every now and then he'll find one they never saw and he'll start paying attention, eyes narrowing as he reads through the contents.

He's been on one of those for a while now and Louis' not sure if that's a good sign or not. It's probably not.

“Uh, Louis,” Zayn says eventually. When Louis looks over at him, he's standing and watching Louis with a worried expression. “I don't want to alarm you, but you need to see this.”

Definitely not good, then

He tries to keep his heart beating normally as he pushes himself up and starts over to him, tries to keep his head clear. Jumping to conclusions and panicking won't help.

As he passes Niall, he's flicks him in the ear, smiling when he cries out, but the smile quickly drops when he sees what Zayn's looking at. 

It's a picture of Harry and Claire. It's recent and it was taken from a ways away, meaning they're being followed.

“Shit.” 

What he was concerned about it is actually happening. He'd hoped he was just being paranoid as Niall likes to tell him, but he clearly wasn't. It's no coincidence that there's a file with a picture of his family in the place Keats was staying.

Keats knows.

Keats knows and, once again, his family is in danger because of him.

He's aware of Niall grabbing a water bottle and coming over. Doesn't acknowledge it when Niall glances over his shoulder, dropping his bottle of water on the floor, water spilling over their feet. 

He doesn't know how long the three of them stand there in silence, staring down at the picture before he asks what's in the rest of the file.

Zayn takes a step away from him, closing the file in his hands. “Well, it's a file on you,” he says, licking his lips. “There was one for each of us, but Niall, Liam's and mine were much smaller than yours and it made sense they'd try to gather all the information on us they could find, so I wasn't too worried, but then I found yours.”

He pauses, tossing the file back on the desk. “I was hoping they wouldn't know your name since you're technically dead. And even if they did we did a damn good job of erasing Harry and Claire from your past. They never existed, at least not to you. But it was clear from the first page I was wrong.”

Niall leans between them and grabs the file himself, flipping through it, his eyes widening as he does. “Oh damn.”

Zayn nods. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Somehow they were able to find out who you really are. I had some hope for a while because I never saw Harry and Claire pop up until about halfway through. They had to piece things together and I'm not sure how much they think they know for sure, but they know Harry and Claire are your family.”

Even though he'd been expecting it, it still shocks him.

And angers him.

There was a reason he had to fake his death, again, and had to stop seeing his family. It was to prevent things like this from happening. It was something the others didn't have to worry about because they didn't have families, but Louis sacrificed a lot to do this job and he sacrificed being with his family to keep them safe. 

Every precaution they took has failed and it's his fault. 

Logically, he knows it may not be because there's a good chance Keats and Volia would have found out somehow, but if Thomas followed Louis the night he attacked him, he probably found out about Harry and Claire, then went running back to Keats to tell.

And Thomas was at the ball and probably saw Louis speaking with Claire and Harry and that was probably what confirmed it. Hell, this might have been what prompted Keats to start looking into their backgrounds. Having things to hold over their heads to prevent them from taking Volia down is a good strategy on Volia's part, but it only works when they have things in their life like Louis does.

Keats is probably pissed as hell that the others – mostly Zayn – don't have things like Louis does and he wonders if Keats knows how close they were to Louis' family. The lads were Harry's friends and they all loved Claire. If Keats knows that, he'll definitely make a move.

The only question is, how much Zayn and the others care about Harry and Claire – how much they care about _him_.

“Zayn, we can't leave them unprotected,” he rushes out.

“We're not-. We can't protect just two people.”

“You could assign a couple of agents,” Niall's suggests.

“No,” they say at the same time, Louis adding, “We can't trust any of them right now.”

Zayn sits back in his chair. “Louis, I understand, but there's nothing we-.”

“Bull shit,” Louis spits. “We can do something. They're _my family_ , Zayn. I can't just leave them.”

“I understand that, Louis,” Zayn sighs, rubbing at his temples. “But I can't afford to send agents neither of us trust to watch two people who may not be in danger.”

Niall snorts. “Come on, mate, we all know they're in danger. Maybe not right this minute, but they will be eventually. We all ready know Keats wants you dead and he'll have figured out by now that Louis will take over for you if he succeeds. He'd be smart to go after Louis' family.”

“Thanks, Niall,” Louis says dryly, frowning. Turning back to Zayn, he adds, “I'll protect them. I will.”

Zayn's shaking his head before Louis even finishes. “No, that's a bad idea, Louis, and you know it.”

“Well, what do you suggest, then?” Louis asks, crossing his arms and glaring down at Zayn. “I'm not leaving them on their own. And you know Niall is right. Keats will make a move eventually. And if I'm there and can stop it, we might get some answers.”

“I need you with me, Louis.”

“No you don't,” Louis argues. “You just think you do. You've got Liam back in D.C. and you've got Niall here with you. You know you can do whatever it is you're doing without me. You just like having me around because I make things easier.” Zayn snorts a laugh, but Louis ignores him. “And you also know I will do whatever the hell I feel like doing to make sure they're protected. And that will only cause you more problems.”

Sighing, Zayn sinks into his chair, closing his eyes and breathing. He stays like that for a minute before pushing himself up and looking Louis in the eye. “Fine, but I swear to god, Louis, if something happens to you _I_ will kill you.”

“How can you do that if he's all ready dead?” Niall questions.

They glance at him, but ultimately ignore him. “Thank you,” Louis tells Zayn when they turn back to each other. He's being sincere, even if he doesn't sound it. He's just so fucking tired of things not going the way they should and of his family being in danger because of him. It's exhausting.

Maybe being with Harry and Claire will be more exhausting, though. No, it _will_ be. Harry can barely look at him and who knows how Claire will react. It's not going to be easy, but it's something he'll have to do.

“Harry won't like it,” he adds.

Zayn quirks an eyebrow. “When has that ever stopped you before?”

“Good point,” he agrees. “All I'm saying, is that if Harry doesn't want me there, even if he knows the consequences, I'll have to find a way around it. We might have to find some of those bugs and cameras Liam hides everywhere.”

“Doubt you'll need them,” Zayn tells him, walking by and slapping him on the back. “Harry will let you in, especially if he knows the threats.”

With that Zayn's out of the room.

“He's right, you know,” Niall says, watching the door Zayn walked out of. “Harry will let you.”

Louis looks over at him, catching the end of his smile before following after Zayn.

He really hopes they're right.


	4. Drag the Memories Down the Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis does a lot of explaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've hit a bit of block with this. This always seems to happen when I get to the mid-way point of my fics, but I always pull through, so it's nothing to worry about. My point is, usually when I start posting something I've got the first couple of chapters mostly written and then I won't post a chapter until the next one is almost done so I can have semi-regular updates. That's not what's happening now. It's fine, though, because it's all planned out in a word doc. It's only a matter of writing it. Which I will. Just don't know how soon that'll be.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!!!!

Louis would be lying if he said he hadn't been nervous on the way to Harry's, but as they've gotten closer his nerves have dissipated. He thinks it's because he knows that no matter how Harry reacts to this he has to protect them. He has a job to be doing. That's not something he's going to say, though, because he has a feeling Harry won't like that.

He was a job to Louis many years ago and that's what started this whole mess. No matter what he says, Harry has always been bothered by Louis having only been around him at first for a job. Louis doesn't think Harry would take kindly to being protected by Louis for a job, even if Louis is mostly doing it because he cares. 

Harry wouldn't like it, so he's not leading with that. He may not even mention that at all. Although, he has a feeling that once he sees Zayn and Niall, Harry will figure it out.

There will be an argument no matter what Louis says or does because that's how Harry is. He's stubborn and angry and hurt and he's not going to want Louis around. Too bad for him that Louis _needs_ to be around for his and Claire's safety, even if it is Louis' fault they're in danger at all. (He might leave that bit out too.)

Either way, Louis' prepared for an argument and he's ready to argue until he wins.

“Quaint, little place, isn't it?” Niall comments, shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing around.

Zayn knocks on the door, rolling his eyes. “You've seen pictures of it Niall.”

“Yeah, but it's small, right? He could afford something much bigger.”

“That's not really Harry's style, though,” Louis points out, glancing over his shoulder, back at the street, to make sure they aren't being watched. “He doesn't like overly big houses.”

“You two always had one,” Niall argues.

Louis tilts his head. “Yeah, but he didn't care for it really. Mostly had it to keep up appearances.”

Niall hums, shivering as a cold breeze comes through. 

They can hear Dog moving around on the other side of the door, but Harry's not answered yet. His car is here, so he's definitely around, but he could be over at Ethan's, something Louis' trying to not think about. He's not really factored in how they'll explain his presence to him. There's bigger things to worry about in his opinion.

Zayn starts to knock again, but the door opens, revealing Harry and he steps aside. He's smiling his fake smile that he adopts when dealing with strangers, but when he sees Louis he frowns, brow furrowing. His eyes move over to Zayn and then to Niall, who's aimlessly pacing the porch with an impressed look as he takes in the features, and his face smooths out.

“Okay, so you're all involved,” he says. “I'm assuming Liam's around somewhere?” he adds, looking around for him.

“Uh, actually, he's not,” Louis answers. “Still needed in D.C.”

“Can we come in?” Zayn asks.

Harry looks like he wants to say no, but after a second of watching them he nods and steps aside, waving them in wordlessly.

It's weird because this is the first contact that Zayn has had with Harry in seven years. Niall hadn't seen him in that long, either, when they'd run into each other at the charity ball, but they'd at least acknowledged their past. Zayn and Harry are acting like they've never met almost.

It's a lot like how they used to be, back in the beginning of Louis' relationship with Harry. They were never that friendly. Zayn has a tendency to be a dick and back then he hated that Louis had risked everything because of Harry. 

When Louis and Harry had finally gotten together, it'd been a struggle for them to become friends. Louis never talked about it with either of them, but he has a strong feeling that Zayn hated and resented Harry because he felt like Harry was taking Louis away from the job and _their_ friendship. He's also sure that Harry hated that Zayn was usually the one pulling Louis back into jobs. 

Harry had mentioned once, late at night, that he'd hated Zayn for a long time because he was the one who had brought Louis into his life. He'd said it was during the five years Louis hadn't been around and that he'd always blamed Zayn for Louis choosing to leave Harry because he knew about Zayn's previous failure of a relationship with Perrie.

Some of that may be true. Zayn did give him a lot to think about with that, but ultimately it had been his decision. Zayn's relationship with Perrie hadn't been the main reason Louis left that first time.

It was until about a year into Louis and Harry's relationship before he ever heard one of them refer to the other as friend and even then he thinks they really only did it for Louis' benefit. He knows they tried and, while they had some things in common, they were just too different.

They're both moody as hell, but Zayn takes it to a whole new level that Louis' always dreaded him going to. Harry tries to stay positive and calm, while Zayn does not. They go about life differently and Zayn doesn't care to fuck people over or to do things he knows isn't legal or morally right. Louis could tell Harry always had a problem with Zayn's “I don't give a single fuck about anyone” attitude.

He's sure the only thing that kept them from really going at it was Louis. He was the biggest thing they had in common, but it was also what they disagreed on the most. 

Zayn wanted Louis to pull more jobs and continue being the way he always was, ready to drop everything and fly halfway around the world to do whatever the hell they felt like. He'd never said it, but Louis knows Zayn hated that Louis wanted to stay at home more and settle down. Louis longed for a “normal” life with a partner, a kid, and a dog. Zayn always seemed to blame Harry for it.

It wasn't Harry's fault, just like it wasn't Zayn's fault that Louis did what he did with his life. He guesses they needed someone other than Louis to blame since they both loved him and they were the easiest targets to put all that on. 

Their relationship got better over time, but they still disagreed a lot and hardly ever spent time together, just the two of them, and he thinks the seven years of not seeing Harry wasn't as hard on Zayn as it was on Liam or Niall, who always loved Harry. 

Apparently, they aren't going to pretend for Louis.

It's just as well, really. They have things that need attending to and when Harry finds out that Louis' been working _for_ Zayn all this time, he's probably going to hate Zayn more.

Once they're settled in the living room, Zayn pulls out the file and passes it to Louis. There's no easy way for him to do this, so he takes out the picture and sets it on the coffee table, motioning for Harry to look at it.

Harry leans forward, eyes settled on the picture. He stares it for a long time, face void of emotion before he sits up, brow furrowing. “I don't understand,” he says, voice even. “What the hell is this? What's going on?”

“Have you heard of Richeon?” Louis inquires.

“No.” 

“Because we stopped them before they blew up the entirety of Australia,” he says dryly. “How about POTOR?” 

Harry's brow wrinkles more. “Briefly heard of them when they attacked the U.S., but they were dismantled.” 

“Yeah, because I went undercover for nearly a year. Found their weak spot and stopped them before they could do anymore damage.” Harry clearly wasn't expecting that from the way his eyebrows shoot up. “How about Volia? Have you heard of them?” 

“Aside from when you mentioned them, no.”

“If we're lucky you'll never hear of them again,” Zayn cuts in. “Now let me talk because there's a reason for all this.” 

They decided in the car that Zayn would lead this since he's the one that knows the most. Louis hadn't intended to go off on that tangent just now, but he thinks it was needed, anyway. Still, Zayn's the one who's supposed to do the talking. So he sits back and lets Zayn explain.

“We work for an offshoot of the CIA,” Zayn starts. “I'm, for the lack of a better word, the leader. I took over for Broderick when he retired. I'm sure you remember him. But we find threats to the world and take them out, hopefully before they can do much damage. We do more than you'll ever know, Harry.”

“Why are you here then?”

“Volia is a terrorist organization on the rise,” he explains. “We had been lead to believe that Alan Keats was working for Volia as an informant, which is why Louis was here a month ago. He was to track down Keats and interrogate him, basically.”

“I was unsuccessful,” Louis mutters, crossing his arms and sinking back into his chair.

Zayn shoots him a look, clearly telling him to shut up, then turns back to Harry. “Louis was compromised and hurt and somehow found himself _here_. We did eventually track Keats down again and he told us that Brendan Thomas was the leader of Volia.”

“Which is why you were at the charity ball,” Harry finishes, cautiously looking between them.

Nodding, Zayn says, “Unfortunately, Keats managed to slip past our agents and we later found out he'd lied. Thomas isn't the leader of Voila, Keats is.”

“Again, I want to know why you're here,” Harry says slowly. “Like, there's this picture and you're here telling me about this terrorist organization and how the leader escaped and is out there right now. I think I'm starting to put it together.”

Zayn stays silent for a minute, breathing out through is nose. “We did everything we could to erase you and Claire from Louis' past. We did everything we could to make people believe Louis was dead so you two would be safe. We even faked your deaths to protect you, but we're afraid they know who you are.” 

“You can't know that.” 

“Not for certain, sure, but is that a risk you're willing to take?” Harry stays silent. “Keats wants me dead, he's made that much clear and he'll stop at nothing to end me.”

“Zayn has nothing in his past that Keats could hold over his head,” Louis adds, sitting up and looking Harry in the eyes. “And if Zayn croaks I take over his job. Keats will want me dead eventually and he'll figure out sooner rather than later that the way to get to me is through you and Claire. And if he's all ready figured that out, which it seems he has, it's not good.”

Niall shifts around next to Harry, angling his body toward him. “Louis will disobey any order Zayn gives him if he thinks you and Claire are in danger. And Zayn would be distracted, which would be a good time for Keats to strike.”

“Look,” Zayn breathes out, “we've done a lot more than I have time to tell you and we're good, but we're better with Louis and I need him alive. Keats most likely knows that or he _will_ eventually, and then he'll know how to distract us. I need Louis to be mentally present or not at all. If he's worried about you and Claire it's going to be bad for all of us.”

Harry doesn't really looked convinced of anything at this point, but he's gotten a hell of a lot better over the years on controlling his facial expressions. Louis has no idea what he's thinking. 

“You may or may not need protection,” Zayn continues. “And I've all ready had some of my agents turn on me. The only people I trust right now are Liam, Niall and Louis. I need Liam in DC and I need Niall with me, which means Louis is going to be here. Making sure nothing happens. And I don't care how you feel about that because this is a life or death sort of thing for millions of people, so you're going to listen to me.” 

Louis watches intently as Harry opens and closes his mouth a couple of times. He has a feeling Harry wants to say no and Louis wouldn't blame him if he did, but they can't take no for an answer. There's a chance Harry realizes that to and is struggling to accept it.

Harry nods, though, frowning at Zayn. “Okay, for protection or whatever.”

“Good.” Zayn gathers the picture up and and yanks the file out of Louis' hand, while standing. “Try to play nice, you two. Louis, we'll be in touch.”

The three of them stand as Zayn walks out into the hall toward the door. Louis thinks he could have been a bit friendlier, but for the situation he thinks Zayn did a good job remaining calm and not a total wanker. He didn't even pull out his “Think about how this will affect Claire, do you really want to endanger her?” card.

Louis' a bit proud of him.

“Niall! Come on!”

Niall sighs, turning to Harry. “Good to see you, mate.”

Harry's reply is cut off by Zayn yelling for Niall again. Niall shoots them both grins as he walks out.

Once they hear the door shut behind them, the tension in the room is palpable. They've not been alone together for a long time and Harry's rightfully angry at him. He may have agreed to this, but it's to protect him and his daughter, it doesn't mean he has to be happy with it.

Louis can tell he isn't okay and he knows it's going to be hard for him to feel comfortable here. He'll need to get over it.

Hopefully, Zayn will have all this dealt with soon. It's wishful thinking, but he thinks it's going to be the only thing that gets him through this.

“You'll need to sleep on the sofa tonight because the guest room needs cleaning out first,” Harry says, not looking at him. “I'll give you some extra pillows and blankets later.”

Before Louis can offer a thank you, Harry's disappearing to his room.

“This is gonna be fun,” Louis mutters, turning to his bag to grab a change of clothes.

He might as well be wearing comfortable clothes if he's going to be dealing with Harry's silence all day.

**

Most of the day has been spent in silence, with Harry hiding away in parts of the house Louis was too nervous to go to. He'd spent most of his time with Dog, who mostly slept. She's not as energetic as she used to be due to her age, but having her around was still comforting. It made him feel like he wasn't alone.

He could occasionally hear Harry moving around upstairs and Dog's ears would perk up even in sleep. It was hard being in the same house as Harry, but knowing things were so fucked up between them. At the same time, though, it was nice knowing he wasn't alone.

Over the years, he's hated living by himself because he'd gotten used to always having Harry and Claire and even Dog around, so going from that to living by himself was hard. It took a him a while to get used to, but he did eventually. It's never been something he's enjoyed too much. He grew up with a big family and the time between their deaths and him and Harry getting together was miserable for him.

He likes his alone time, but too much of it and he starts getting antsy. When he's left with nothing but his own thoughts he tends to start thinking horrible things about himself and about life in general, so he'd always made a conscious effort to have one of the lads close by if he needed them, even before he realized they were his actual friends.

And then he got used to his family constantly being around, but that was short lived, really. He went back to having no one around and, yeah, he does have the lads close by, but they're busy and have their own things they're doing. Not to mention, the times Louis' on assignment.

He always feels more alone during those times because he's always undercover. No one knows who he is and he can't make friends unless it's for appearances. He lives a lonely life, has since he was seventeen, and just hearing Harry moving around the house makes it a bit better. Although, at this point he'd be happy hearing anyone around him since Harry's ignoring him.

When he'd packed his bag, he'd forgotten to pack any books and, while he's sure Harry's got books somewhere around here, he doesn't feel like snooping around in a place that's not his. So he'd had nothing to occupy his time. He couldn't even use the internet because Harry hadn't given him the WiFi password and he was too afraid to ask. 

He'd settled on going through the files on Voila he had saved to his laptop, but that only took about an hour. After that, he'd decided to look them over again just in case he'd missed something the first eight times he'd looked.

That managed to get him through to Harry coming downstairs and heading straight for the kitchen.

Louis sat on the sofa for about ten minutes, barely picking up the sounds of Harry messing around in the kitchen. He'd guessed Harry was starting on supper and he didn't want to be alone anymore, so he'd pushed himself up and went into the kitchen.

Dog had followed, sticking close to him and settling at his feet when he sat at the table. Harry didn't acknowledge him, but he didn't tell him to leave, so Louis stayed and has been watching him cook.

He's not sure what it is Harry's making, but chicken is involved and manages to make himself ask, “Do you need help?”

It's hesitant and quiet, but Harry snaps his head up, jaw clenched. “I'm fine,” he snaps.

Louis' not surprised by his tone, but he does flinch, closing his mouth quickly. Harry doesn't say anything else, but Louis thinks he sees a flash of regret in his eyes as he's turning back to the chicken.

It's a couple more minutes of silence before Louis hears the door open and close and he braces himself for whatever's about to happen.

He can see Harry doing the same thing, eyes stuck on the chicken as he bites his lip. It's good to know they're both uncomfortable with this.

“I hate when it's windy,” Claire's voice sounds as she steps into the room. “It always ruins-.”

She stops dead in her tracks, eyes widening as she takes in Louis sitting at the table. “What's going on?”

Louis glances over at Harry. He's still staring down at the chicken, but he's stopped whatever it was he was doing. Still, Louis knows he's not going to be the one to explain this.

“Well, Claire,” Louis starts, turning his attention back to her. “There's been a bit of a problem. Brendan Thomas may or may not have found out who you and your father really are and I'm sort of here to make sure nothing bad happens.”

When he's finished he thinks he hears Harry snort out a quiet laugh. Louis doesn't blame him. It's a short explanation that leaves a lot of the major details out, but Claire doesn't need more than that. The more she knows the more danger she's in and the more she'll panic.

Claire's eyes flick between the two of them a couple of times before she shrugs and comes over to the table, pulling her bag off her shoulder and taking out a textbook and her laptop.

In a way, he's pleased to see this is something they still do – that Claire stills does her homework, while Harry cooks – but it does hurt a bit because a hell of a lot has changed for the two of them. Most of it was Louis' fault, granted, and he can't even begin to imagine how hard it all was for them. 

It's nice to know some things don't change. 

Maybe that means something more.

He's not going to think about that, though.

**

Dinner was quiet. The three of them barely spoke, the awkwardness and tension present, and afterward Harry went off to his room again and Claire had disappeared, so he'd been left alone with Dog. Again.

This time he'd had the foresight to ask Harry for the WiFi password, so he'd played around on the internet for a while and sent a text off to Zayn telling him how awkward this whole situation was. Zayn's response had been the emoji that's rolling it's eyes. Louis didn't know what he meant by that and had sent back a turtle. They spent the next ten minutes exchanging random emojis before Zayn had told him to “stop fucking texting me i'm trying to sleep”.

He'd sent twenty texts in a row, all with the lion, then turned off his phone, deeming it time for bed.

Harry had laid out some pillows, a sheet, and a couple of blankets for him and he's currently trying to get the sheet on the sofa in a way so it won't come off with all his restlessness.

He's just got it put on in – he hopes, anyway – when he hears someone come in and stand in the doorway. It's Claire. He can tell by the way she walks. Harry shuffles more than she does.

“You've done a lot of bad things.” 

It's barely audible, like she isn't sure if she wants to be saying it or not, but he hears it and he knows he's not going to be able to get passed this without a conversation.

“I have,” he agrees, breathing out through his nose and bracing himself for this conversation. He turns slowly. She's further in the room now, watching him carefully. “I suppose you want to talk?”

She nods.

“I remembered bits of things, but none of it made sense, you know?” she starts, head bent as she picks at her nails. “But now it does. You've stolen, lied, killed and god only knows what else. You're not who I thought. You're not how I remembered.”

She's quiet as she speaks and he feels like his voice is too loud when he asks, “Did Harry tell you why I did all that?”

Shaking her head no, she says, “He said you should be the one to tell me. That it was your story. Not his.”

Louis bites the inside of his jaw and sits on the sofa. The sheet pops off one of the cushions, but he ignores it, patting the spot next to him. She comes over, sitting next to him, but with a lot of space between them. He leans forward, arms on his knees.

“My family was big,” he starts, swallowing hard. “I was the oldest kid and we had very little money. My dad had fucked off and my mum worked hard, but it still wasn't enough. I saw how hard it was for mum and I didn't want to ever live like that. When you're hungry you'll do a lot of things you normally wouldn't. I would steal food, so we could eat.”

He pauses, angling his body more toward Claire. “I hated school and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. No one cared enough about me to sit me down and talk to me about it either. When I was barely seventeen, I snuck out one night and when I got back the house was gone. There'd been a fire and my family didn't make it out.”

“I'm sorry,” Claire whispers.

“It's fine. Was a long a time ago.”

It still doesn't make it easy to talk about, but it's not as hard as it once was. “I had no where to go,” he continues. “And nothing to do. I was homeless and started stealing from people so I could get food. I got really good at pickpocketing and anything that helped me live. I've always been good at lying and tricking people, so that helped.

“I worked my way up by doing small jobs, like really small, and I could barely afford this one room flat in a building that was falling apart. I won't go into detail of how horrible it was, but there were nights when I'd think I was going to freeze to death. And one day, this guy comes up to me, saying all these things about how he used to be like me and he's been watching me. Proper creepy, you know.”

Claire gives him a small smile at that. “But he told me he thought I'd be good in the con business,” he says, her smile disappearing. “He was right, of course, but it took me some time to realize it. I was self-taught. And it was hard, but I managed to pull off my first job without a problem and I just kept working my way up. The money I was getting from these jobs was more than I had ever had. I made myself smarter and better and I worked my way up.”

Pausing, he turns away from Claire. “I made a lot of mistakes and enemies, but I eventually met up with Zayn, Liam and Niall and we worked so well together it was hard to pass up any opportunity we had to do something together. I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life and I regret a lot, but I did what I wanted. I've never lived like my family and I got out of homelessness.”

Claire stays silent and Louis knows she's got a lot of questions, but it's a matter of her figuring out how which ones are more important.

“How'd you meet dad? He didn't tell me.”

Louis takes a deep breath, rubbing his thighs. “Well, it's Zayn's fault, really,” he begins. “He showed up at mine one day with Liam saying he had a job and we needed to find Niall before he'd give us the details. I was bored and ready to take whatever was thrown at me, so I accepted. He was going after Harry because of some priceless art or whatever. It was stupid to me at the time and still is, but, like I said, I was bored.

“The thing is, Harry was receiving death threats and there'd been an attempt on his life all ready, so I set myself up as his bodyguard. I tried very hard not to, but I fell in love with him, which was a problem because he had no idea who I was or why I was really there and it would fuck up Zayn's job. I had all ready let a previous relationship fuck me over and I ended up in A Brazilian prison. It wasn't a good time and I knew the lads were already worried about me fucking up again.”

“So how'd that go?” Claire asks when he falls silent for too long.

He opens his mouth, then closes it. He still has no idea how much Harry told her or how much he wants her to know. “Not well,” he settles on. “I was struggling and I guess he could tell something was up with me because he followed me one night and caught us stealing his stuff. There was some yelling and he told me to fuck off, so I left the country and had every intention of staying away.”

“But you didn't,” Claire points out.

“But I didn't.”

“Why?”

“Remember the death threats?” She nods. “Well, he ended up in some trouble and-.”

“He saved my life when he didn't have too.”

Louis' head snaps over to the door at the sound of Harry's voice. “He was willing to sacrifice his life for me,” he adds. His face is void of emotion and he immediately turns and walks out, heading toward the kitchen. 

He swallows hard. He has no idea what that was about or how Harry feels about him talking to Claire about it, but he didn't tell them to stop, so that's a good sign.

Puffing out a breath, Louis continues. “After all that was dealt with – and I'll let him tell you about the details if he wants – I spent a lot of time thinking about things. I knew it would be too dangerous for him to be involved with me and after a lot of talking with him and the lads I decided it'd be better if I stayed away. Five years later, I was back in his life and the rest is history.

“I tried very hard to make up for all the bad things I've done. I was never okay with it, but I couldn't stop, not even when you came into the picture. But I did try.”

He stops then, relaxing into the sofa a bit. He knows what's coming next and he doesn't know how to explain it. And there's a chance she won't understand. She probably won't.

“Why did you go away?” she asks looking down at her lap. 

Louis wants to check to make sure Harry isn't listening in because he'd rather tell Harry differently, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment, so he tells her.

“I was given the opportunity to work for an agency that targets terrorist organizations. We take them out and save billions of people by doing so, but it involves a lot of dangerous work and a lot of time undercover,” he explains. “The problem was that people couldn't know who I was, which meant they couldn't know about you and Harry. And also it would have been too dangerous for you two. I was told that if I accepted the job it'd be better for everyone involved if I were dead, even to my family. It was a hard decision, but I did what I thought was right. I'm helping save people. I've always hated the things I was doing with my life and this was something that was the exact opposite. I do wish it could have been done differently and I do regret it sometimes, but I still think that maybe it was the right thing to do.”

He realizes as he's saying it that it is true. Saving the lives of billions of people isn't something he can regret doing. Giving up his family, yeah that he regrets, but if he'd chosen them he would have been condemning thousands of people – possibly millions. 

His family still mean more to him than anything, though.

Claire's quiet for a while and he toys with the idea of trying to explain further, but he stays quiet and lets her work through it herself.

Eventually, she stands. Looking down at him, she says, “I've got a lot to think about and I want to thank you for being honest with me. I do think I understand why you did what you did, but I still don't think I-. I just have a lot to think about.”

He nods, understanding completely. What she's just heard is a lot to take in and he's not stupid. He knows it's going to make her think of him differently.

She starts to leave, but turns back quickly, ducking down and hugging him. It's surprising and the first time he's been able to hug her in years, so he wraps his arms around her and squeezes. 

The hug doesn't last long before she's pulling away and shuffling out quickly. 

He feels better having spoken to her. If he's going to fix his relationship with her she needs to the truth, she needs to know the real him. 

There's still a lot he could tell her, more details and explaining his reasoning for the things he's done, but he didn't want to overwhelm her and it's ultimately her decision if she wants to know more. He isn't going to force things on her for the possibility of fixing his guilty conscious.

Pushing himself off the sofa, he goes into the kitchen. He's too awake now to fall asleep and he knows Harry went in there. They may not have spoken much during the day, but he has a feeling that Harry has a lot to say. _Louis_ has a lot he wants to say. 

Maybe now is the time to do so.

Harry's at the table with a bowl of cereal. He's aimlessly pushing the cereal around with his spoon, eyes flicking up to Louis as he passes by.

He opens the fridge and looks in. He doesn't want anything, but he's not sure how to act around Harry anymore. It used to be so easy, but now he feels like he has to carefully calculate his every move in fear of pissing Harry off.

“I didn't tell her a lot of things because I didn't want her to hate you,” Harry says.

Louis closes his eyes, sighing over the sound of the spoon hitting the bowl. Opening his eyes, he grabs a bottle of water and turns, the fridge shutting behind him.

“I was afraid that's what would happen,” Harry admits quietly not looking up from his cereal. “I wanted her to remember you and I wanted her to remember you as you were, not some convoluted story she heard from me or anyone else. She deserved to remember you as her father.” 

He wants to laugh. He really truly wants to laugh in Harry's face right now. Harry must not know that Claire told him about what happened.

Louis gets what Harry's saying, but he told Claire not to talk about him, which doesn't exactly promote a healthy relationship between the two of them. Claire definitely would have wanted to talk about him and maybe Harry was worried he'd ruin her view of him, but he should have spoken to her about it. Or at least explain why he didn't want to talk about it.

“I understand,” Louis says. “But, hell, Harry.” He sets the water on the counter and steps closer to Harry and the table. “Telling her not to talk about me or whatever it is you said was not something you should have done. God, Harry. I thought better of you then that.” 

Harry grimaces. Louis doesn't know whether it's because he's truly sorry or because he realizes Louis knows. He doesn't really care either. 

“I know. I fucked up,” he admits. “I feel like I've done that a lot. Being a single parent is hard, but it's worse when you've got all this.” He waves a hand around. “And I was hurt, too. I didn't just lose you, Louis. I lost everything. _Everyone._ The only thing I didn't lose was Claire and maybe that's made me a bit overprotective and crazy, but damn it I don't care.” 

“That doesn't explain why you said it to her or excuse it,” Louis points out.

“I was angry,” Harry defends. “I didn't want to say something that would have ruined you to her.”

Louis sighs, running a hand through his hair. “You should have done it differently, Harry.” 

“So should've you.” 

“Yeah.”

Neither of them are angry, but they're both hurt and tired and a thousand other things Louis' not sure they could identify. They could continue talking right now, but he has a feeling it wouldn't get them anywhere. Not at the moment, anyway.

There's going to be arguing and yelling, maybe some crying. He's not in the mood for that right now and he doesn't think Harry is either. Harry looks exhausted and a lot older than he should. Louis can't help feeling guilty for that.

Talking right now isn't an option, not really. Not unless he wants to fuck things up a little more. He's picking up the vibe that Harry doesn't want to talk, not yet, and pressuring Harry isn't a good idea. And he doesn't want to upset Harry anymore than he all ready has.

So he leaves it and goes back to the sofa.

**

As it turns out, Ethan's an okay bloke.

Louis hates him. Wrongly, but he does.

Ethan has been nothing but nice to him, more accommodating than Harry at times, but Louis just cannot bring himself to like him. Deep down he knows why he doesn't like him. Ethan is Louis' replacement in a way. He doesn't think Harry is with Ethan to replace Louis. Harry wouldn't do something like. He wouldn't be with someone just to fill whatever gap Louis' left in his life. That's not how Harry works.

No, Harry and Ethan are together because they have real feelings for each other. Louis knows that, has actually seen it. It's a very obvious thing, something that Louis' struggling with on the inside. Hell, it might be obvious how much he's struggling with it. If it is, they've all been kind enough not to acknowledge it.

But it is obvious they love each other. The looks, light touches, the way Harry's mood improves as soon as Ethan shows up and just the overall way they are with each other. It reminds him a lot of how he and Harry used to be, which is another stab in the heart.

He'd always hoped Harry would move on and find love again, but that was when he didn't think he'd have to witness it. He is still glad for it because Harry's not alone and the person he's chosen to be with also loves Claire and treats her the way Louis could only wish for someone to treat her as another parent figure.

It's hard for him to say outright that he hates Ethan because he doesn't and in another life in any other situation they'd probably be friends. Ethan reminds him a bit of Liam. They're both serious about their careers, but aren't afraid to have fun when the time is “right”. Well, that's about the only way they're similar, but it's something. 

Ethan's a smart bloke and passionate and Louis' glad he's the one in Harry and Claire's lives.

Louis' spent more of his time here talking to Ethan than he has with Harry in the past week and a half. (Harry still hasn't sorted out the guest room. Louis hasn't questioned it.) Harry's not ignoring exactly, he's just not speaking to Louis as much as he used to and Louis isn't going to push it. His goal at the moment isn't to get Harry to love him again, it's to protect Harry and Claire.

Love is a funny thing anyway. Louis' not sure if there's any part of Harry that still loves him and if there is if it's present enough to make Harry fall for Louis again. But that wouldn't be fair to Ethan or Harry, really. They love each other and Louis isn't going to fuck with that.

What's that saying? If you love something let it go? He'd always thought that was stupid, but he gets it now he thinks. Harry's happy with Ethan. He deserves to be happy. Harry was never completely happy when he was with Louis. He realized that a few years back one evening when the loneliness had been too much and he'd grabbed alcohol.

Harry was happy, sure, but Louis couldn't give him everything he wanted and having to always worry about Louis' safety and then Claire, not to mention his own, wasn't keeping him happy. Louis' not sure why Harry never mentioned it to him and he won't ask because he's sure Harry had his reasoning. But it was still something Louis realized and he's beaten himself up for it mentally – for not noticing at the time and seeing this now, seeing how Harry is with Ethan, just drives home the point.

For some reason, Louis never saw the way Harry's smile would fade away into something else entirely whenever Louis would turn around. He never saw the way Harry's eyes didn't always light up. He missed a lot, was blind to it. Maybe because he was so in love with Harry he didn't want to see it. Maybe because he was _too_ in love. Maybe he did see it then, but chose to ignore it because he was happy, which wouldn't have been fair to Harry.

Whatever it was that kept him from seeing it, it's gone now. 

He sees the way Harry's smile lingers long after Ethan has gone, sees the way he laughs, sees his eyes light up in a way that hasn't been directed at Louis in too long. It hurts more than Louis wants it to because he's happy that Harry's happy, but he wishes Harry were happy with him.

And he knows Harry knows Louis has caught on to it. He's caught Louis watching him intently when he's been interacting with Ethan and he's had the decency to try to tone it down. That makes it worse sometimes, but Louis appreciates the sentiment. 

Louis loves Harry. Ethan loves Harry. And Harry loves Ethan. No one loves Louis, which is fine. It's how he always imagined his life years ago before he found Harry, but for a while he'd fooled himself into thinking he'd be loved and happy for the rest of his life.

He truly is happy that Harry has found someone, he is, and he's trying very hard to let it go, so he's being friendly and a normal human being when Ethan's around. It's not just Harry's fault he's spent more time with Ethan. It's mostly his doing, as well.

He needs to know Ethan, just to make sure Ethan is who he says is, for one, but also because he wants to know the man that's replaced him. Not that Harry would drop Ethan if Louis disapproved of him, but Louis still thinks knowing Ethan better would make him feel better about this. So he's spent more time with Ethan than he'd normally like, which is why he's wondering how much Ethan knows about everything.

As far as Louis knows, Ethan hasn't asked who Louis or why he's sleeping on the sofa, but Ethan has got to be curious and if he's not it's because he knows. But Louis can't imagine Ethan would be this okay with it if he knew the truth, if he knew that Louis was Harry's ex, Claire's father – the guy who's supposed to be dead. Ethan probably would be less okay if he knew they were in danger because of Louis.

But he's been nothing but friendly to Louis and that's got him wondering if he knows anything at all and just trusts Harry's judgment. There's no way he's not picked up on the awkward tension surrounding him, though. Or the way that Dog is super comfortable with him. Or the odd throwaway comments about something that happened years and years ago when Claire was still very young.

Louis would ask Harry, but he doesn't think Harry would give him much of anything. 

Maybe Claire knows.

She's been talking to him, not about anything super important or life changing, but she has been. She seems to be coming around, seems to be a little more comfortable around him than when he first showed up. 

In fact, she's been sitting with him for the last hour. He should feel bad because he's not really been listening to her, his head caught up in other things, but he knows what she's been talking about hasn't been substantial, just a lot about something her and her friends had done. He thinks she knows she doesn't have his full attention.

Naturally, it's now he realizes that she's been silent for more than a breath and she's staring at him, eyebrows raised. 

Did she ask him something? Is he supposed to agree with her? Disagree? Or is she just waiting for his comment on whatever it is she said?

“Yeah, yeah,” he nods overenthusiastic. “I completely agree. One hundred percent.”

Cocking an eyebrow and crossing her arms, she asks, “You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?”

“Uh, no,” he answers, his cheeks heating up. “Sorry. I've just...got something on my mind.”

Claire gets excited at that, her expression opening up as she scoots forward in her chair and lean toward him. “Is it anything I can help with? I'm actually quite good at helping people with problems or whatever, but Dad doesn't ever talk to me about his problems.”

He probably shouldn't mention it to her or ask, but she's so excited at the prospect of helping him and he figures she actually can. “Maybe. Possibly. It's about Ethan.”

Her mouth pops open and she stares at him for a second before smiling to herself. Louis watches with a furrowed brow as she does, confused as to why she's happy about Louis wanting to talk about Ethan. Finally, she schools her face into something more neutral. 

“What about him?”

“Well, I was just wondering how much he knows,” Louis tells her. “Like about me,” he clarifies. “More specifically about who I am, how I know you and your father and why I'm currently sleeping on your sofa.”

“Oh,” she breathes out. “Well, I know that he knew that dad was with you and that you were my father. He knew that you had died. Dad was always honest about that – that he'd had a previous relationship. I'm sure he'd seen a picture or two of you once, so I think he was just as shocked as we were to see you that first time, but he did a better job of hiding it.”

That oddly makes sense. If Ethan had known who Louis was when he showed up at their door he would have obviously known how Harry and Claire would have felt or reacted to the situation, so he choose not to react outwardly. It would probably explain why he convinced Harry to let a man he'd never seen before to stay that night. 

“I don't think he knows like specifics or anything,” Claire continues. “Like I don't think he knows about what you did. Do. Or did. Or whatever. And I'm not entirely sure Dad has explained why you're here other than you need to be.”

Letting out a small laugh, Louis takes a moment to wonder how Ethan must feel about not knowing specifics. If it were him and his boyfriend were letting his supposed dead ex stay on their sofa for an extended amount of time with no other reason than “he needs to”, he'd be pretty damn upset by it and he certainly wouldn't be friendly toward that person.

Ethan may know more that Claire thinks. After all, Harry doesn't seem to share things with her as much as Louis had thought he would. So he either knows more or he's just a better person than Louis.

He kind of hopes it's the latter. If Ethan does know more, how much more? Does he know that Louis' working for what is essentially the CIA? Does he know that Harry and Claire are in danger? Does he hate Louis for that? Does he know what Louis' done in his past and how it affected Harry? In the good ways? In the bad ways? If so, how does he stand to look at Louis?

He should probably talk to Harry about this.

“You know, since you first popped back up, he's not been seeing Ethan as much,” Claire says casually, looking at her red painted nails, causing Louis' ears to perk up. “It's a bit weird because beforehand he'd told me he was going to ask Ethan to move in, like officially or summat. It's just weird.”

It is weird, but before he can comment on it she's standing, grabbing her backpack and waltzing out of the room.

He has no idea what that means or why she told him. He has a guess on both of those things, one more hopeful than the other, but he's probably wrong on that first one. 

She said it overly casually, which leads him to believe she had a motive for saying it. Something along the lines of hoping it makes Louis think Harry's having second thoughts about his relationship with Ethan and has realized he still loves Louis and will take him back so they can be one big happy family again. It may not be what's going on in her head. After all, she hasn't been overly relaxed or friendly with him, but it seems the most plausible.

Of course, Harry could actually be thinking all that. It would add up if Claire's right and he has been seeing less of Ethan since Louis showed up that night, but Louis severely doubts it. Harry probably has been doing a lot of thinking. That train of thought has a very small chance of running through Harry's head, though.

Either way, Louis doesn't feel great about it.

**

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Louis mutters, climbing in through the passenger door of Zayn's car.

He'd insisted on meeting in the car across the street from Harry's house when they'd agreed to meet up. Louis had told him he could come into the house like a normal person so they could talk, but Zayn had none of it, saying that Harry wouldn't want him in the house. Louis had agreed with him on that. Harry probably doesn't want him in the house, but he doesn't want Louis there either.

Honestly, Louis thinks it's just because Zayn wants to make Louis' life more difficult. It's fucking freezing outside and Louis had to put on his coat. Zayn doesn't even have the heat on in the car.

He rubs his hands together, then breathes into them, hoping it warms him up. He's seen people do it in films, but it never seems to quite work for him. “They can still bloody see from the house.”

“Keeping us hidden wasn't my intention,” Zayn mumbles.

“Yeah, you think Harry wouldn't let you in his house, but he'd be okay with you basically _staking out_ his house.”

Zayn sighs, his breath visible as it swirls through the air. “Keats is missing,” he says, leaning forward to turn the heat on. 

Louis' body slumps forward in relief and he puts his hands directly into the vent. “Didn't we already know that?”

“Yeah.”

Louis waits for him to say more, but he doesn't. Zayn just stares out the window, biting the inside of his cheek. Louis shifts in his seat, putting a leg underneath himself so he can face him. “Then what are we doing here? Going over things we already know? Because I'd much rather skip out on this part and be inside where it's _warm_.”

“Well, Keats is missing,” Zayn repeats, finally turning away from the window. “And we think Voila is planning another attack.”

“We do?”

“Yes.”

“How do we think that? Was it one of our agents? Because I thought we all agreed we couldn't trust them as far as we can throw them?”

Zayn doesn't look amused as he tilts his head and purses his lips. “You know, Louis, this is why no one back at the office likes you.”

Snorting, Louis replies, “That's not why. They don't like me because I'm higher up than they are and I didn't have to go through years of vigorous training to get there, but okay.”

“Niall heard it through the grapevine.”

“Oh yeah,” Louis says, exasperatingly rolling his eyes. “Let's trust the Irishman.”

“Louis.”

“Okay okay,” he concedes, holding his hands up. “What did he hear?”

“Heard it in passing, he said. Didn't hear much, just that Voila is planning another attack, which, I mean, yeah. Unfortunately, Niall didn't hear anything about what the target is.”

“Of course, he didn't,” Louis mutters. “So, this doesn't help us at all. We already suspected another attack.”

Zayn only nods and they fall into silence.

A woman with a little boy walks by, giving them suspicious looks when she notices them sitting in the car. She should be suspicious, Louis thinks wryly. He and Zayn are not people you want to see hanging out in your neighborhood.

“Liam told me someone tried to kill Thomas.”

Louis' head shoots up. “What? That doesn't make any sense.”

“I know,” Zayn agrees. “Something's up there.”

“Who was it?”

“According to Liam, it was one of our agents, but the guy got away because Liam wasn't expecting it when he walked in,” Zayn tells him. “So he can't be for sure, but our agents are the only ones with clearance into the room Thomas is being held in.”

Louis frowns. “We should block everyone so-.”

“Already did. Liam's the only one allowed in there.”

“Good, good. Is Niall still harping on about it being weird that he didn't just kill you when he had the chance?”

“Of course, but I'm tuning him out.”

“I tune him out all the time. It's amazing what that did for my blood pressure.”

Zayn chuckles, but it doesn't last long before he's turning to Louis, all traces of his smile gone. “Louis, how's it going in there?” he asks,, jerking his head toward Harry's house. 

The short and easy answer would be not well, but Zayn's not going to let him out of the car with only that. “Awkward and I'm still sleeping on the sofa.”

Quirking an eyebrow, Zayn questions, “How's Claire?”

“She's fine,” he shrugs. “Harry and I didn't exactly explain the whole thing to her, but she knows enough. Surprisingly, she's handling it quite well and, you know, I think she's coming around. She's been talking to me more and more each day. It's nice. She's incredibly smart and such an amazing person. She's grown up well.”

“And Harry?”

“Oh, well, you saw how he grew up. Never grew out of that childhood stubbornness.”

“Neither did you, Louis.”

Louis sighs. “Yeah, well, he's not talking to me so much,” he says, leaning his head on the headrest. “I mean, he speaks to me, but it's generally about nothing more than passing the salt. Although, he's not avoiding being in the same room with me as much.”

“Well, you've had to get on his good side countless times before. You can do it again.”

“Maybe not this time, Zayn. Not this time.”

Zayn's brow furrows, concern written in every line on his face. “Why do you say that? Surely you can-.”

“No,” Louis shakes his head. “He's in love with Ethan. The most I can do is get him to at least hold a conversation with me. I'm not going to fuck up his relationship. He's happy.”

He's never sounded more adult, he thinks, than just now. Not out loud, anyway. 

His love for Harry will never go away. It'll always be there, lingering in the deepest parts of his being, but he can't act on it. Not unless Harry acts on something first, but Louis doubts it. Harry's happy.

Zayn watches him for a while, eyes sad. “Well, you never know,” he starts eventually. “Something might happen.”

“Doubt it,” Louis tells him, ignoring the way his stomach clenches. “And if something does happen it won't be good.”

Zayn doesn't reply.

Louis doesn't say anything else.

**

He's been here for over two weeks now and things haven't improved much between he and Harry. It wasn't something he'd expected, but he'd hoped. Harry doesn't avoid being in the same room with him and they've had a few throwaway conversations about nothing important, but that's all.

His relationship with Claire has remained stagnant. She's not opened up to him anymore or asked him for anything else. In a way, he's grateful for that. He doesn't know what it means, but he is grateful for it. Nothing says father daughter bonding like going through every criminal thing Louis' done. That list is long and Claire doesn't need specifics from it.

The only that's really changed is something that Claire had pointed out to him. When Louis' stay first started Ethan was around almost every day, most of those times sleeping over, but as the weeks have gone on Louis' seeing less and less of him. Harry doesn't work aside from his volunteering at an animal shelter and he only leaves the house when it pertains to Claire, work, or groceries, so Louis knows Harry's not seeing him outside the house. He still comes over a couple times a week, but it's not anywhere close to before.

It's another one of those things Louis doesn't understand, but probably could if he thought about it.

And maybe it shouldn't be so surprising that Harry and Ethan are currently standing in the kitchen arguing with each other. It's the first time he's actually heard them argue. Sure, they've had stupid little arguments about what to eat or what to watch, but they've not argued like _this_. If they have, they'd gone out of their way to make sure Louis didn't hear it.

But he _is_ hearing it. Claire had gone to bed a couple hours ago and Louis'd been not far behind her. He wasn't tired, but Harry was being odd and he didn't want to put up with it, so he'd made up the sofa. He'd managed to fall asleep, had probably been sleeping for around an hour when he woke up because he heard voices.

Louis' not alone in the house and most normal people wouldn't have thought anything of it, but the voices he heard were two men, one distinctly Harry, and they were arguing. Against his better judgment, because he had a feeling it was just Harry and Ethan, Louis got up and started toward the kitchen.

He'd been nearing the door when he heard his name and he froze.

Staying out of sight, he'd gotten as close as he could. Eavesdropping isn't something he normally condones, but Harry and Ethan are fighting about him and that's the last thing he wants.

From his spot, he can't see anything but the table, though occasionally one of them will stomp by.

“He's been here for two weeks,” Ethan says. His voice has remained calm through everything Louis' heard, a stark contrast to the way Harry's voice is rising with each sentence. “And you asked me to not come around as much while he's here. You can't expect me to not question what's going on.”

“ _I told you_ what's going on,” Harry bites back. “He needed a place to stay. He had no where else to go.”

That's not the truth, which is a bit surprisingly to him. Harry never cared for lying.

“Surely by now he'd have found a place,” Ethan argues. “He can't stay here forever.”

“Claire wants him here.”

His heart doesn't have time to react to that because Ethan's asking, “Does she want him here or do _you_?”

There's silence and Louis can't see anything.

“See? That's what I'm talking about,” Ethan continues. “Do you still love him? Because I don't understand how you could love a man who pretended to be dead for almost seven years and abandoned you and your child.

“You don't know a thing about it,” Harry growls. “So stop talking.” 

“I just don't see how he could be that great of a person.” 

Because he knows it's true, Louis doesn't let himself get upset by what Ethan's saying. He's not that great of a person and this conversation is only proving to him that Ethan is the sanest one out of all of them. 

Clearly, he's apprehensive about Louis, about why he's there. He's probably known from the beginning that there was more to it than whatever Harry had told, especially since he was here when Louis passed out from losing too much blood.

It's comforting to know that at least Ethan cares about Harry and Claire's safety. Although, he is a bit off on who the threat is. The threat isn't Louis, not really. He may be responsible for it, but he's here to protect them.

“You say one more thing about him and I swear you will never step foot in this house again.” 

Louis sighs internally. 

Harry is really fucking this up for himself. Ethan's suspicious of Louis, as he should be given the circumstances, and he's only got Harry an Claire's best interests at heart. And, of course, it'd only be natural for him to be worried that Harry would suddenly realize he's in love with Louis still.

Ethan has every right to be upset. Harry's being a dick about it and if he keeps it up he's going to drive Ethan away. For good, maybe.

It doesn't stop him from hoping Ethan's right and Harry does.

He hears Ethan let out a breath. “Well, I guess that answers my question then.” 

Harry sighs. Louis can imagine the way he runs his hand through his hair, nostrils flaring as he tries to calm himself. “Ethan.” 

“No, Harry.” Ethan pauses, his footsteps stopping. “Look, I get it. He was your husband. You loved him and you had a child together. You thought he was dead and you don't stop loving a person for that, but he _wasn't_ dead. He was very much alive and not with his family. That's not a great person. That's not someone you deserve.” 

It takes a lot of Louis' energy to not step through the door and tell Harry that Ethan's right. It takes a lot more energy for him not to go through the door an punch Ethan.

Ethan may be right, but he doesn't get to judge Harry for his choices. Or Louis, for that matter.

“I'm going to go and I'm going to let you sort through this.” 

He hears Ethan's foot steps again and in fear of being caught listening in, Louis scuffles back to the sofa quickly.

He's not sure how long he lies there replaying what he heard. It's a lot to take in. 

Obviously, Harry isn't as indifferent to Louis as he's trying to pass off. He couldn't – or didn't want to, but Louis' betting on couldn't – answer Ethan's question about still loving him. There's three reasons Louis can think of for that.

One, Harry does still love Louis and didn't want to admit that to Ethan. But this option means very little to Louis. It's not probably that Harry still loves him and he knows that.

Two, Harry felt like Ethan should already know the answer to that question and was irritated that Ethan even asked. This seems unlikely too, in Louis' opinion, but he can't quite figure out why.

Three, Harry honestly didn't know the answer himself. This one seems the likeliest of the three. As Ethan said, it's unrealistic to think the love you feel for someone will go away just because they're dead. Louis doesn't doubt that Harry has still loved him. It'd make sense if he did. But now Harry knows the truth. Louis isn't dead and chose to not be with his family. Harry doesn't know why, or he knows very little, and he hates Louis for it. That's perfectly understandable, so it's understandable and probable that Harry's emotions when it comes to Louis are all over the place. It'd be perfectly normal for him not to know how to feel.

Everything Louis heard Ethan say he agreed with. Not the delivery of it so much, but he did agree. The only thing that is a little disappointing is that Ethan isn't being a little more sympathetic. Or that he doesn't seem to think option three is plausible. 

Louis' not in his head, though, so he can't know what Ethan's really thinking, but he does know he'd like for Harry to be happy. Ethan practically giving him an ultimatum isn't good.

He's interrupted from his thoughts when he hears Harry shuffle into the room. Louis hadn't gotten back under the covers when he'd come back, choosing to lie on top of them instead, and he wonders if that makes it obvious he'd heard.

Harry's footsteps stop and Louis turns his head. He's standing in the doorway, shrouded in moonlight. His eyes are brighter than Louis' seen them in a while and he's recently let his hair down from the way it looks, falling around his face, just barely reaching his shoulders. He looks fucking beautiful.

“There's no bed in the guest room,” Harry finally tells him, like Louis hadn't figured that out days ago. “The sofa can't be good for your back.” 

Louis sits up, planting his feet on the ground, wincing at how cold the wood is against his flesh. “Where else do you suppose I sleep? In Dog's bed?” 

Harry gives a slight smile. “My bed's big enough,” he says casually like it doesn't stop Louis' heart.

He can't possibly suggesting what Louis thinks he's suggesting. Can he?

“What would Ethan say?” Louis questions, quirking his brow, trying for casual. He thinks he fails.

Harry might have known Louis was listening in earlier because he tilts his head, brow furrowing and cocking an eyebrow at the same time. “Doesn't matter, does it,” he says, shrugging.

Louis fish-mouths for a moment, before shaking his head. “Let me get this straight, you're saying I can sleep with you? In your bed?”

Harry nods. “Just no funny business,” he retorts, a small smile playing at his lips.

“Of course.”

Harry must take that to mean Louis' agreed because he turns around and starts toward the stairs.

It's a bad idea. 

It's a bad idea for a lot of reasons.

They can't blur any lines here. Sharing a bed doesn't necessarily mean something more will happen, but it's been so long since they've been that close. And he doesn't know what Harry's thinking or feeling. He can't even get an idea because Harry's been so closed off to him.

He's got a bad feeling something that shouldn't happen will, but he pushes off the sofa and follows Harry wordlessly.

He's not been in the bedroom for obvious reasons, but it's more Harry than the rest of the house. It's dark so he can't see too many details, but the walls are a light blue color, there's a chair in the corner with a blanket thrown over the back of it, books are piled up on a dresser, and there a couple of candles spread out through the room.

“You don't have to stay in the doorway,” Harry says, climbing into the bed and pulling the duvet over him.

Blinking, Louis steps in, shutting the door quietly behind him and pads over to the other side of the bed. “Sorry, it's just....”

He trails off, Harry watching with curious eyes as he climbs in the bed next to him. Once he's in, he takes great care to make sure they're not touching in any way and lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

Harry's doing the same thing and not another word is said.

It's torture, being this close to Harry, being in the same bed as him, but not being able to touch him, not being able to wrap him up in his arms and breath him in. Louis always liked a good cuddle, but Harry made him love it so much more. Being this close to it, but not getting it has to be punishment for everything he's ever done in his life.

Maybe that's what Harry was aiming for. To punish him for everything Louis ever put him through. It's working, if it was. But Louis doubts it. Harry was never an intentionally cruel person. He could be cruel, but it was never truly intended.

Harry could have honestly and innocently let Louis in here because the sofa really is shit to sleep on. Or maybe because of his fight with Ethan he was feeling lonely and didn't want to be alone. There's a couple of things that could have been going through his mind. Louis won't pretend to know.

But it's quiet and neither of them are asleep and they've been laying here for god only knows how long, neither daring to move. It's agony, is what it is.

“Harry,” he starts, not really knowing what he's about to say. Maybe he should just go back to the sofa. That'd cure the awkwardness, at least.

Before he can say anything, Harry, still staring up at the ceiling, admits, “I don't know what I'm doing.” It's quiet and Louis struggles to hear it, but when he does, he realizes this is the turning point. Whatever is going to change between them is going to happen now. “I don't what I should do.”

There's a question in Louis' mind because Harry could be talking about him or Ethan at this point. He really hasn't a clue, but Harry has a tendency to be cryptic and Louis was used to it once.

“Neither do I,” Louis agrees, hoping that's sufficient as a reply.

Harry snorts. “All I know is I'm always getting hurt because of you. I don't want that.”

Louis turns on his side, propping his head up with his arm. Harry doesn't acknowledge him as he continues staring up. “I don't want that either,” Louis tells him. “I never have. And I'm sorry, though I know it doesn't help.”

“You just-.” He cuts himself off, shaking his head and turning to face Louis, mirroring his position. “I hate you.”

“I know,” Louis whispers. 

Harry shuffles closer. “I hate you a lot.”

“I know.”

He shuffles even closer. “I wish you weren't here.”

“I know.”

Again, Harry shuffles closer and there's barely any space between them now. Louis holds his breath as Harry's eyes search his. He knew this was going to happen. It shouldn't, but he's not been with Harry in so long and he's missed him so much, that if he gets the chance he knows he's not going to be able to stop it.

Everything is about to get even more complicated than it already is.

“I want you.”

Louis' “I know” is cut off when Harry reaches up to cup his face and presses their lips together. His lips are chapped and the angle is weird, but it still sends a shock wave through his body. It's been so long. He's never been strong enough to resist Harry. A lot has changed over the years, but that's not one of them. 

Harry breaks away, but only for a breath, then ducks back in, pulling Louis even closer. The hand not propping Louis up finds its way into Harry's hair. They really shouldn't do this. Louis doesn't even know what this means, if this is some sort of closure for Harry or if it means something deeper. He's got no idea what it means for either of them.

This time, Louis pulls away. “We shouldn't do this,” he whispers.

“No, we shouldn't,” Harry agrees, eyes wide and pupils dilated. “I want to. If you tell me you don't, we'll stop and pretend this didn't happen.” 

He should say he doesn't, but he _can't_. Tightening his grip in Harry's hair he pulls him back, lips meeting in a harsh clash, but it doesn't deter them and somehow they still kiss slowly. There's still a sense of urgency there and a lot of emotion flooding out of them, but it's slow and Harry tastes like mint and cherry. It's an odd combination, certainly something Louis never thought he'd miss about Harry, but tasting him now, he realizes he did.

As the kiss deepens, Harry manages to get Louis on his back, hovering over him, with his hand still cupping Louis' jaw while his other slowly traces Louis' side down to his joggers. Louis' hands find their way under the back of Harry's tee, rubbing against the warm skin there.

They kiss like that for some time, both of their cocks hardening, every now and then brushing up against each other. It's tantalizing, really, but it's been so long since they were together like this. They can't rush into. They don't want to. They need to relearn each other.

Eventually, Louis removes his hands from underneath Harry's shirt and cups his face, nudging at his thigh with his knee. Harry gets the hint easily enough and sits up, pulling his shirt off and tossing it to the side before lying back down on his back. Louis struggles sitting up, but manages it, pulling his own shirt off and throwing it away as he climbs on top of Harry.

Pecking Harry's mouth once, he rubs his hands across Harry's bare chest. He's still as toned as he used to be under his clothes, still a little fat on his sides. It's not really far that he's aging as well as he is. He dips down, pecking Harry's lips again, then starts peppering kisses up and down his jawline. Harry's hands slid under the waistband of his joggers and he starts rubbing his hands over Louis' arse, squeezing every now and then.

He bites down carefully, not enough to break the skin, but still enough to sting. Harry always used to love that and it appears he still does because a breathy moan escapes his lips and his hips buck up ever so slightly. “What do you want, Harry?” Louis asks between kisses. “I'm letting you decide what happens.”

He thinks it's only fair that Harry should get to since he's the one who started this and the one Louis' hurt on more than one occasion. Harry's fingers grip his hips. “Fuck me.”

Louis can do that. He pulls up, staring into Harry's eyes. There's no uncertainty there, only sadness and determination, so he nods, ducking back for another kiss. Blindly, Harry reaches into his bedside table for lube and a condom. He struggles, but gets it out and presses it into Louis' hand.

He pulls back, shimmying down Harry's body, pressing kisses on his way until he's between Harry's legs. The duvet has pooled around Louis' body, exposing Harry completely, who's watching with an expression as close to content as Louis' seen him wear in the past couple of weeks.

He sits the lube and the condom aside, sparing a thought for how they'd stopped using a condom. They hadn't stopped completely, only skipped out on it occasionally, using it as they saw fit. The fact that it's something that they need right now makes something dark settle over Louis.

Slowly, Louis starts pulling Harry's joggers and his boxers down at once, Harry lifting his hips for him. Once he's deposited it, he takes a minute to take Harry in. Physically, he's not changed much. His hair has greyed and he's got more wrinkles across his face, but his body is still the same. Louis wonders if the same things work for Harry or if he's grown into something new. 

There was a time when they knew each others bodies better than they knew their own, a time when Louis knew exactly what to do to get a certain reaction out of Harry. He'd never thought he'd forget, and he hasn't for the most part, but people grow and change over time. The things that worked once before may not work now.

It's a sad thought and he can tell Harry's thinking about it too, but it's not the kind of thing that Louis wants either of them to be thinking about. 

“God, you're fucking gorgeous,” he breathes out, bending his body so he can start trailing kisses down Harry's stomach and onto his thighs.

“Could say the same for you,” Harry says between little mewls as Louis lightly rubs a finger over his rim.

Louis pulls back, grabs the lube and pours some on his fingers. Capping it, he tosses back to the side and goes back to teasing Harry's hole an marking up his thigh.

Harry's starting to writhe around a lot more by the time Louis finally presses his finger in all the way to his knuckle. He works at Harry slowly. It's been a while since they've done this together and Louis has no idea when Harry last did this and it never hurts to be thorough.

He stops marking up Harry's thigh and starts palming himself through his joggers as he works another finger into Harry.

By the time he's got three fingers in and his own joggers off, Harry's eyes are squeezed shut and he's slowly working a hand over his cock, stopping to rub at the tip every other time. “You think you're ready?”

Harry's eyes snap open and his hand stills. “Yeah, yeah,” he nods.

Louis removes his fingers, grabbing the condom and pulling it on, then adding lube to that. This is the probably the only time this is going to happen, he's not going to hurt Harry if he can help it.

Shuffling around so he's hovering over Harry, he lines himself up with Harry's hole. As he pushes in as slowly as possible, he and Harry never break eye contact. 

Harry stops stroking himself all together, his hands clawing at whatever parts of Louis' body he can reach. Louis' barely thrusting, going deeper and a little harder each time and he knows Harry wants more, but he's going to drag this out as long as possible.

When he's finally got a pace he knows Harry's okay with, he leans his head down and kisses him. Harry's hand settles on the back of his neck, fingers twirling the hair at the base of his neck.

“You've got more scars,” Harry comments when Louis pulls back a bit. His eyes are locked on the spot just above Louis' heart that he got in Bahrain. It was a stab wound, was done with a pen in some odd “office” scuffle Louis wasn't paying attention to until he was dragged into it.

Harry doesn't need to know any of that. “I've got a lot more than this, love,” he replies. “They just can't all be seen.”

He thrusts harder into Harry and he moans, cutting off whatever he was going to say in response. Louis didn't want to hear it.

Louis continues fucking him slowly, pressing kisses to his mouth and jaw and neck, anywhere his mouth can reach. It's not until Harry starts lightly pushing at his shoulders that Louis stops what he's doing, pulling back enough to look him in the eyes.

His hair is fanned out around his head and he doesn't look upset about anything. “What?”

“Sit up.”

Louis cocks an eyebrow, but slips out of Harry and sits up. Harry pushes himself up, getting on his knees. He grabs Louis' shoulders and starts trying to move him. “What on earth are you trying to do?”

“Sit down, please.”

It takes Louis a minute, finally catching on, and he sits. Harry climbs into his lap, grabbing a hold of Louis' dick and lowering himself down on it. Louis' hands settle on his waist and he moans as Harry settles down completely.

“I missed you,” he admits quietly, forehead falling forward and landing on Harry's chest. “I missed this.”

“Me too,” Harry says quieter than Louis and he lifts himself up, hands gripping at Louis' shoulders.

Harry works himself into a steady rhythm, kissing Louis as he rides him and for a moment Louis forgets this isn't the norm anymore. 

“I've missed you so much,” Harry mumbles as he continues bouncing in Louis' lap. “So so much. I still can't believe you're here.”

That sends a wave of guilt through him. He'd comment on it, but he's not entirely sure Harry realizes what he's saying, so he leaves it alone. 

Harry's movements are getting jerky and Louis can tell he's getting close, so he tightens his grip on Harry's waist and helps guide him, while presses kisses to the exposed skin of Harry's neck.

“You're so good,” he mutters. “So so good.”

Whimpering, Harry drops his head into Louis' neck. Louis wraps his hand around Harry's dick and starts jerking him off in time to Harry's bounces.

“Come on, babe,” he encourages. “Come on.”

It doesn't take much longer before Harry's body is tensing and he's spilling into Louis' hand, repeating Louis' name over and over as his orgasm courses through him.

When he's done, Louis wipes his hand on the duvet, then grabs Harry by the back of the neck and maneuvers his head so he can kiss him. Pushing up, which is harder for him than it once was, Louis gets Harry on his back again, never breaking the kiss.

He does eventually break it and starts to pull all the way out of Harry, but a hand on his wrist stops him. When he meets Harry's eyes, Harry says, “Go on. It's fine. Please.”

Louis purses his lips. Harry never particularly liked being fucked like that after he'd already come. He would allow it and enjoy it in certain circumstances, but this isn't one of those. At least, Louis didn't think it was, but Harry's not wavering.

“Okay,” he says.

He holds himself up with a hand on the bed beside Harry's head and uses his other to guide his cock further into Harry. 

Harry winces a bit, but he wraps his legs around Louis' waist. Louis starts thrusting with the same rhythm that Harry had been fucking himself with. He'd been close before and it doesn't take him long to get back to that as Harry stares up into his eyes. 

It takes a lot for Louis to convince himself that he's not using Harry right now, that Harry had asked for this. Harry _had_ asked – told, really – so he shouldn't feel bad about this. Maybe it's the uncertainty of what this means for them that's making him feel odd about it, but Harry's an adult and he'd started this and told Louis this was okay.

It is okay. Things are murky between them, but this is what they both wanted.

When his orgasm hits, Harry pulls him down into a kiss an kisses him through it, kisses him well after Louis' through it.

It takes Louis a while to come down, Harry still kissing him, and when he does, he pulls away, pecking Harry's lips once more. He pulls out of Harry, pressing a kiss over his heart before falling into the space next to him. He pulls the condom off, tying it up and dropping beside the bed. He'll most likely step on it later, but he doesn't want to get up to properly dispose of of it.

“Would it be odd to say thank you?”

A laugh escapes Louis' lips. “Might ruin the mood.”

“Oh, well.”

Harry reaches down and pulls the duvet over him. It's probably dirty and disgusting, but it doesn't seem he cares too much as he wraps himself up in and turns on his side, facing away from Louis.

Louis' not sure what to make of that. Is he supposed to leave? Is that what Harry wants? He's not sure what proper etiquette is when you've just shared orgasms with your ex-husband who's currently in another relationship after coming back from the dead.

He's about to get up and return to the sofa when he hears Harry say, “Stay.”

He says it so quietly that Louis thinks he's imagined it, but then he adds, “Please.”

Louis' heart constricts, but he doesn't let himself think. Instead, he gets under the duvet and wraps his body around Harry, resting his head in the crook of his neck. His hair smells like sweat and apples.

Louis, for the first time in years, sleeps peacefully.


	5. Build Me Up and Tear Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get deep and Louis gives Harry the nightmare scenario.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh. I'm finally posting. I really hadn't planned on taking this long to update, but things got busy, my grandpa ended up on the hospital and last weekend I was working a film challenge so I've had little time to write. My plan had been to spend this whole weekend writing, but I left my laptop charger in my dorm and I couldn't use the laptop. (First time in four years I've done that.)
> 
> Anyway, here's this chapter. I also don't know when the next update will be because I've got a job interview very soon and finals are coming up. I'll try to be quick, though.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!

When Louis wakes up, it's not to a mouthful of hair like he'd been expecting. It's also not to an empty room like he'd been equally expecting.

Harry's sitting in the chair in the corner, dressed in last night's joggers and nothing else, staring at him with an unreadable expression. Before sitting up Louis squeezes his eyes shut, counting to ten. Whatever's about to happen between them isn't going to be easy and he doesn't want to deal with it, not this early of the morning.

And it's funny because years and years ago he'd have woken up and panicked and probably would have sneaked out because he ruined whatever it happened to be. Which isn't much different than now. He's here to protect Harry and Claire, but he's letting his past and his emotions get the better of him and he's doing things he shouldn't be doing. And there's a worry there that it's distracting him from why he's really here.

Except it's not. 

He knows very well why he's here. He doesn't know where he stands with Harry and Claire, especially after what happened last night, so that's a problem, but it's a personal problem. It's not distracting him from making sure they're safe.

In the past it probably would have, but he's gotten better at prioritizing things. The fact that he knows Harry and Claire may decide they never want to see him again after this is all over probably helps. He has no pretenses to keep up here. They know exactly why he's here – even if Claire doesn't know the whole story. 

There's only so many things he can care about at once. Keeping them safe is number one. Fixing his relationship with them is number two. Doing both those things at once is a plus. However, what happened last night has probably has their relationship taking a step back. He's not sure.

Harry still hasn't said anything, but he is in the room. Of course, it is his house. Louis wouldn't expect him to run from it to get away from Louis. Kick Louis out? Maybe, but he is here for a specific reason. 

The duvet pools around his waist as he sits up and he catches Harry's eyes flick to the exposed skin before quickly returning to his face.

“I suppose this is something we'll have to-.”

“Claire's leaving for school in a bit,” Harry says, cutting Louis off.

So...clearly, Harry does not want to talk about it. Louis' okay with that, for now. They will have to talk eventually, but Louis' not had his tea and he can't find his pants. 

Glancing around the floor beside the bed, he asks, “You wouldn't happen to see my pants would you? Or my joggers?”

Harry merely raises an amused eyebrow.

“Oh, please,” Louis pleads. “I'd like to be decent so I can move around the house without having to stealthily avoid my teenage daughter.”

For a brief moment, he's concerned Harry won't appreciate him referring to Claire as his, but Harry fails to hide back a snicker. “That I'd pay to see.”

“Will you please help?”

Smiling fully now, Harry points. “They've been pushed under the bed.”

“Right.”

He finds them with no further help from Harry and dresses, overly aware of Harry watching him. He never used to get anxious when Harry was in the room, never used to worry about being naked in front of him. It's not the age or the numerous amount of scars he's got since Harry last saw him, he just-. He doesn't know how to deal with the attention anymore.

Harry's not really even watching him, but every now and then his eyes leave the window and find Louis and every time Louis' aware of it and it makes his skin crawl.

God, he misses when they were normal around each other.

Once he's got his clothes on, complete with his t-shirt, Harry stands and starts toward the door. “I don't think she's finished getting ready yet so we should be able to make it downstairs without her seeing.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Louis mutters as Harry's cracking the door open and glancing down the hall. 

“Yeah, her door is still shut.”

They start out of the bedroom, both being as careful as possible not to make any noise. He sort of wants to laugh at this, but he understands Harry's need to now let Claire know about this. Louis doesn't particularly want her to know either, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

To get to the stairs they have to walk directly past her room and it's as they're nearing them that her door opens and she starts out, freezing when she sees them. They both stop too as she crosses her arms and looks them over.

It's then that Louis notices for the first time how they look. Harry's hair is knotted and he still isn't wearing a top and he's got a mark on his neck. Louis' mildly impressed because he hadn't thought he'd done enough to leave one. His own hair is sticking in every direction and his clothes are a rumpled mess.

When her eyes finish raking over them, she cocks an eyebrow and just her hip out.

“Go to school,” Harry says to her, brushing by and disappearing down the stairs.

Claire looks at him, expression slightly amused. “What?” he asks. She only shakes her head, failing to bite back her smile before turning and following Harry.

“It's going to be a long day,” he says to himself, following after.

**

Claire had gone to school and Harry had eventually left for work, ignoring every time Louis tried to talk about what happened.

He'd not expected it to be easy, but he had hoped that after years of not seeing each other Harry would have learned not to be a stubborn fool. Apparently, Harry had not.

Harry can't avoid it forever, though, which is good thing to keep in mind, but they don't have forever and Louis has no idea how long he'll actually be here. Could be another week or it could be a year. It all depends on how long it takes Zayn to find Voila's weak spot.

But it's really just as well that Harry shut down all his attempts at a talk this morning. Louis doesn't know what last night means, even to himself. There's a couple of reasons for that and none of it is anything he wants to think about, especially not on his own.

So he calls Liam.

It's not until the phone rings for the third time that he remembers it's still very early morning in D.C. and he considers hanging up, but he has a feeling Liam's already awake.

“Hello?” he answers, breathing heavy.

Louis' forehead wrinkles. Liam's breathing heavily and there's a lot of noise on his end, with a couple of grunts here and there. 

“What the hell are you doing? Are you at the gym?”

“Yeah.”

“How in the hell are you holding the phone and boxing at the same time?”

“It's an in-ear, Louis,” Liam says and even with the heavy breathing and grunting Louis can hear the exasperation there.

Louis huffs out a sigh. “Why are you at the gym so early?”

“Why are you calling me this early?”

“Liam.”

“Fine, fine. You know I don't sleep well when I'm stressed. But seriously why are you calling me? Please tell me you all don't need me?”

“I slept with Harry.”

He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that and surely that's something that would elicit a stronger response than Liam saying, “I know.”

It takes him a whole second before he realizes what Liam said. “You know?” he screeches. “What do you have the place the bugged? Do you have cameras? How the hell did you do that when you're all the way in D.C.?”

All at once, the sound on Liam's end stops and Louis can only hear him breathing. “Wait, you mean, recently?”

“Yes, Liam, recently. What the hell else would I be talking about?”

“I thought maybe you meant years ago,” Liam answers. “I thought you were going to start waxing poetic about how you missed him so much or something.”

“If only,” Louis snorts.

Liam huffs out another breath. “I suppose you want to talk about it, so tell me what happened.”

“Well, it's this weird thing really,” Louis starts, settling on the sofa and patting Dog on the head. “He's not really been interacting with me much, right? It hurt, but I accepted it. And then last night I hear him and Ethan arguing about me. Ethan's questioning my motives, as well he should.”

“I agree.”

“And then he asks if Harry still loves me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Louis draws out. “And the thing is, Harry didn't answer, just kept defending me and Ethan basically gave him an ultimatum and left. I scuttled back out to the sofa and Harry comes in sometime later and says that the sofa can't be good for my back and I should just share his bed. I questioned how Ethan would feel about that and Harry shrugged saying it didn't matter, so I guess he knows I heard their argument.”

Louis hears Liam say thank you to someone. “What's happening now? Are you even listening?”

“I got water,” Liam tells him. “Stop being stupid. So, the sharing a bed thing with all this unresolved tension lead to you sleeping together, literally and figuratively?”

“Yes. Like I'm still not entirely sure how it happened, but Harry told me he hated me and a ton of other shit and then kissed me.”

“He started it?” Liam gasps like a teenager. 

“Yeah, Liam, Harry kissed me first,” Louis says dryly. “That's not the important part, though. “The important thing is we slept together and he's refusing to talk to me about it and we need to talk because I have no idea what any of this means. And what's worse is that Claire caught us this morning.”

Liam's silent for a while, gulping down water and still trying to catch his breath. “So, basically, Harry cheated?”

“Well, yes.”

“Okay, well, I mean, look,” Liam pauses, tsking and Louis would very much like to climb through the phone and hit him. “I'm not gonna lie, Louis, I think that was probably a mistake.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“Well, why'd you call me and tell me if you're just going to be an arse about it?”

“Because I don't know what this means!” Louis exclaims, frowning and mouthing sorry when Dog's head snaps up. “I don't know what I'm doing and Harry admitted to me last night that he doesn't either,” he adds quieter, but still with a sense of urgency.

Liam sighs again. “Louis, please don't tell me I have to explain to you why this would be confusing for Harry.”

“I know why it would be,” Louis admits softly because he's spent a lot of time thinking about it. “I get it. I just don't know how to deal with it because it means something to me that it doesn't for him. Look, I'm not stupid. I know there's really no chance he'll forgive me and take me back, not like it'd be very possible, but I do still love him and I'd love to be with him. I know that's not going to happen, but last night _did_ happen and we've got to deal with it.”

“I wonder what'll happen with Ethan,” Liam comments.

“See, that's another thing,” Louis says slumping further into the sofa. “Ethan loves Harry _and_ Claire, that much is easy to see. But I also know Harry loves Ethan and they're happy with each other. I just want Harry to be happy, but I'm afraid that what happened last night will ruin everything.”

“It'll definitely make things more difficult,” Liam agrees. “But if Ethan is able to get you to like him he must be an okay guy. I'm not saying he'll be fine with it, but he's got to know this is hard on Harry. You were dead and then suddenly you weren't. That's a lot to deal with and a lot of emotion that'd be overwhelming for everyone. It's not an easy situation.”

Louis bites his lip. “I know. I just-. I know how I want things to work out, but that's incredibly selfish of me.”

“That doesn't mean you can't want it,” Liam tells him. “Louis, there's really nothing I can say to help. I have no idea what's going through yours, or Harry's, or even Ethan's minds. This is something beyond my skills.” Louis snorts at that, but Liam ignores him. “Talking it out is the only thing I think you can do at this point. Either way, it won't be easy.”

Liam's right and Louis knew most of this going into this phone call. He can't decide if that makes it better or not.

They change the subject and Louis tries very hard not to think about Harry.

He fails.

**

Predictably, Harry's been ignoring him for days, having gone back to avoiding even being in the same room with him entirely. And Louis' been a moody fucker. There's no pretenses here. They both know what's happening.

Harry doesn't want to deal with it and Louis does because neither of them know what it means or how to proceed. A simple talk won't help, won't fix a thing, especially when Ethan's brought into the equation. He's sure Harry's feeling guilty about it. Hell, _Louis_ feels guilty about it, but the fact of the matter is they did it and now they have to face the consequences. 

What those consequences are, he doesn't know, though, he's sure Harry ignoring him is one of them.

He briefly wonders what Ethan's thinking, if he's thinking anything at all. Last Louis heard of him it was that night when he was basically giving Harry an ultimatum. The past couple of days have been Ethan-less. He suspects it's as much Harry's doing as it is Ethan's, but he does know Ethan tried calling Harry the day before and Harry blatantly ignored it. He'd given thought to telling Harry not to be a dick and call him back, but he figured that would have only made things worse.

The worst part about this whole thing is that Claire knows. She obviously knows. She's not stupid and she's been giving them knowing, pitying looks all week. So he shouldn't be surprised when he hears her come into the room as he's setting the sofa up to sleep in, an hour after Harry had gone to bed. Yet, he is and he braces himself.

“You slept together,” she says from somewhere behind him, her voice soft.

“I'm not discussing this with you,” he replies, looking over his shoulder as he puts a pillow down. “Ever.”

She's quiet for a moment. He can feel her eyes on his back as he stands there, dumbly staring down at the sofa. He's finishes with it, but he doesn't want to turn around. He doesn't want to face her.

“And now you're not talking about it,” she finally continues. “That's not a good thing.”

Louis sighs, turning around and frowning. “You realize you're a teenager, right? I know I've not been around since you were nine, but you're still my daughter. And this is not something I'm discussing with you.”

Her lips slightly quirk up at the corners as she shakes her head. “Good. I don't want you to,” she replies. “I want you to discuss it with dad.”

Yeah, he does to, but until Harry stops ignoring him Louis can't do much of anything. He could try forcing Harry into it, but that would only make him more upset and more likely to close off. That's one of those things that will never change about him.

“Go away,” he tells her.

Cocking an eyebrow, she glances at the sofa behind him and then back to him. “You really should talk, though. Don't do it for me, but for yourselves. Otherwise things will only get worse.”

Inclining his head, he asks, “And what exactly do you know about this sort of thing?”

“A thing or two,” she shrugs. 

This is getting into dangerous territory. He does not want to be talking sex with Claire. Not his sex life and definitely not hers. He will not do this.

“ _Go away,_ ” he says again.

For a long moment, she stands there looking very much like she wants to argue, but eventually she nods and walks out.

Falling back onto the sofa, he groans. 

This fucking sucks.

At some point in his life, he'll stop fucking things up and things will be easy.

**

Harry's finally gone over to Ethan's. According to Claire, anyway.

He's been gone for over an hour and Louis' been sitting at the kitchen table the whole time, absently drawing shapes on the wood with his finger. Dog has been laying by his feet the whole time and Claire's been through the room a couple of times, always giving him a sad look as she does.

The thing is, Louis wants Harry to speak to Ethan. Harry _needs_ to talk to Ethan, but he'd thought it'd be after he and Harry talked. There's so many questions – Ethan will definitely want to ask a lot of them – and Louis doesn't know the answer to any of them. It's doubtful Harry does. In fact, he knows Harry wouldn't have those answers.

He certainly didn't that night. They were both clear on not knowing what was happening with them. It's very unlikely Harry's figured it all out on his own.

Because, as far as Harry's concerned, this could have been a one time thing for Louis and as soon as he's done here he'll leave again. Which is actually the most probable ending to this situation. Because, no matter how Louis feels, he's hurt them too much and it'll always be too dangerous for them. He can't fix what he's done and he knows it's not something they can ever get past.

But – _but_ – if Harry comes home and confesses his love to Louis he would strongly consider rethinking that. But then that isn't fair to Ethan. It wouldn't be fair to any of them if he's being honest. There's too much history there that he doesn't think they can get over, too much pain and suffering.

They should talk. 

They should definitely talk.

Preferably before tonight, but it's whatever.

He's startled out of his thoughts when the chair across from him scraps across the floor and Claire sits, folding her hands on the table.

“You want to talk about it?” she asks.

“Not with you,” he snorts.

Nodding, she replies, “But I'm here.” When he only raises an eyebrow she adds, “You and Dad slept together and now he's gone over to his boyfriend's house. He cheated, is what he did, and he'll feel guilty about that forever. You and I both know he went to tell Ethan. You best hide.”

Louis scoffs, because, while she does have a point, she's wrong. “Claire, I don't know if you realize this or not, but I'm not incapable of defending myself.” 

“Fair enough,” she shrugs. “I'm just wondering what's going to happen between them and how you'll factor into that.” 

“Me too,” he admits.

She doesn't say anything, which he's glad for. If she'd pressed he might have spilled and that's not something he wants to happen. Claire shouldn't know about what's happening at all. She shouldn't be concerned with it.

Eventually, she sighs and walks out, leaving Louis alone again.

**

Later, he's reading in the chair in the corner when he hears the front door open and close, the sound of Harry's footsteps filtering through faintly.

The footsteps get closer and then stop all together. He knows Harry's in the room with him, but he doesn't look up, continues reading.

“I told him what happened,” Harry says, voice deep and gruff.

Louis waits for Harry to say more, but when he turns and starts toward the stairs, Louis quickly closes his book as he stands and throws it on the chair behind him. “Wait, that's it? That's all you're going to say?” he questions, following Harry. 

He's half-way up the stairs and it's clear he doesn't want to say more, so Louis stands at the bottom, staring at Harry's retreating back. “You're really not going to say anything else?” he asks, leaning against the banister. “How'd he react?”

He keeps rattling off questions until Harry's out of sight and he's heard Harry's door shut. For a minute, he continues staring up, hoping Harry will come back out, but he doesn't. So Louis goes back to his book and tries very hard not to think about it.

He fails.

**

“Are you even sure we're in danger?”

Louis glances up from where he's greeting Dog in the hall. He'd gone out to meet with Zayn, a simple 'what's going on' meeting. And since Zayn still refuses to step foot in this house again, he'd made Louis meet him at a coffee shop about ten minutes away. 

He thought that sort of defeated the purpose of him being here, especially if there's someone staking the place out, waiting for Louis to leave before striking. As he was getting out of his car, he saw Niall drive away, though, so at least Zayn had the sense and or decency to get him to take over for a while.

Dog's wagging her tail like she's not seen him in a lot longer than an hour. When he looks back up, Harry's still standing in the doorway to the office, arms crosses and glaring.

“Yes,” he replies, cautiously, standing. He's got a feeling something's about to happen. “Why?” 

“Because nothing has happened and I'm starting to think you planned all this just so I'd let you hand around.”

Louis' laughing before Harry even finishes it, but as soon as he sees the steely look on Harry's face, he realizes he's not joking and his mouth snaps shut.

“Oh, you're not kidding,” he breathes out. Taking a step forward, he adds, “Harry, believe me, I wouldn't do that.” 

“Wouldn't you?” 

“Of course not,” Louis scoffs. “Come on, Harry, you know me.”

“Do I?” Harry counters. “I don't think I do. I don't know you anymore, Louis. Because the Louis I knew wouldn't have left his family, letting them think he was dead for years.”

Louis purses his lips. Harry's wrong. He's very fucking wrong. Louis' always been that person. Always. And he thinks that somewhere deep down Harry knows that too. 

Still, Louis finds himself nodding. “Okay, sure, you've got a point.”

Because maybe he does. Maybe Harry never really knew him. Maybe Harry ignored parts about him – the parts he didn't like – so he could love Louis like he did. Harry didn't truly know him because he never allowed himself to see all of Louis.

The thought sends a pain through his body, but that's not what this is about.

“But you should know I would never joke about yours and Claire's safety,” he adds. “ _You know that_.”

Harry's eyes darken. “I really don't.”

“There is a threat,” he says, trying to remain calm as he takes a step toward Harry. “I can't give you anymore proof than I already have. You just have to trust me, which I know is hard for you, but when it comes to yours and Claire's safety I'm not fucking around. I don't expect you to really believe me and I'm sure it's gonna take something actually happening before you do.” 

He pauses, running a hand down his face. Harry's stubborn as fuck and if he even doubts for a second what Louis' telling him, he won't drop it until Louis gives him something substantial.

“Okay,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. Here's hoping this works. “Imagine for a second, that, for whatever reason, Claire's out with Niall – or Liam – and it's been a lot longer than it should be and either Niall or Liam comes back, without Claire, clothes torn and hair messy, saying they were attacked. The attackers took Claire and sent them back to deliver a message to me and or Zayn, saying that if Zayn doesn't show up at some warehouse at a specific time – _alone_ – they'll kill Claire and then hunt the rest of us down and kill us.”

Harry flinching has him realizing he's gotten closer and his tone is more urgent and serious than he'd wanted it to sound. But he sees Harry's resolve starting to crumble because he's frowning now, instead of glaring, and Louis' getting his point across.

“And because Zayn's the bastard that he is, he'll want to go alone, because he knows I'll do whatever it takes to save Claire,” he continues, gesticulating wildly. “But we can't let him do that because Keats _will_ kill him and then kill us all anyway. So we all go. We get there and we're attacked. Zayn comes very close to dying. And I'm so focused on making sure Claire's okay that I nearly miss saving Claire's life by a nanosecond.” He holds his pointer finger and thumb as close as he can without them touching to demonstrate how close it'll come. “And instead of her lying there bleeding out it's me.”

He takes a second to breath, eyes meeting Harry's. “That's only one of the many ways this could end for you, Claire, Zayn and for me. So, yeah, you're in danger. Believe me or don't, I'm not leaving.”

Harry doesn't immediately respond, so Louis sighs and walks into the living room, Dog following closely behind him. He gets his jacket off, tossing it on his bag in the corner where he's been keeping his stuff and starts toward the kitchen.

It's as he's nearing the doorway that he hears Harry's voice. “I don't want that to happen,” he says and Louis doesn't turn around. “Obviously,” he adds, snorting. “But, I swear to god, Louis, if you are lying to me I will kill you myself.”

Louis wants to say something along the lines of Harry not being capable of killing someone, but then he remembers that night with Howard. Harry had saved his life that night by killing a guard. It was something Harry never talked about, never even mentioned.

To this day Louis still doesn't know how he coped with it, how he felt about it. And he should have asked. He should know.

It's just another of Louis' many mistakes he made with Harry.

Without acknowledging Harry, he walks out of the room.

**

He wakes with a jolt, sitting up and staring into the dark. Eyes frantically searching the room all he sees is the moonlight filtering through the curtains.

It's a second or two before the hall is illuminated with light and then not. He holds his breath, watching as someone crosses the hall. Someone's broke in and they've definitely got a weapon, but he can't make it out in the dark.

His heart starts pounding when the person completely bypasses the room he's in and goes straight upstairs. He quickly and quietly pushes the covers off him, grabs his gun that he'd hidden under the sofa and starts following.

As he tops the stairs he sees the person – most likely a male going on build – goes into Claire's room. 

For a split second he doesn't know what to do and he starts to panic, but he realizes he has to do something. He's the only one here who can.

So he yells out for Harry and runs.

When he bursts through the door, Claire screams, sitting up in bed, eyes wide and on the attacker. The man spins on his heel and a flash of anger courses through him. It's one of the agents who'd betrayed them. His eyes flick down to the knife he's holding and back to his face.

“I don't think you want to do that,” he says, taking a step closer. “I've got the superior weapon.”

“Louis, what's-.”

Harry cuts himself off when he steps into the room and, in a moment of stupidity, Louis turns to him, which is when the agent lunges forward, knocking his gun out of his hand and starts swiping at him with the knife.

Well, he had the superior weapon, he thinks dryly and he wonders why the agent came in with nothing but a knife. It's possible it was because it could be used without waking up Louis and alerting him to what was going on. But there are ways-.

His thoughts are cut off when the knife makes contact with his shoulder. He ducks out of the way as the agent continues lunging at him. Louis starts backing toward the door, hoping Harry's got enough sense to get out of the way.

The agent follows, swiping the knife. 

As Louis makes it into the hall, he sees Harry's with Claire by her bed, grabbing at her.

“Louis if you could be quicker about this!” he calls out to him, pulling Claire out of her bed.

It serves the purpose he thinks Harry meant it too because the agent falters, glancing back at Harry and Claire and Louis kicks out at his arm. The blade flies out of his hand, clanging to the floor somewhere out of sight. 

The agent turns back to him, blinking in surprise, and Louis kicks his in the chest. He hits the door frame and Louis goes at him, punching him in the jaw. He gets a couple of hits in before the agent manages to push him off, grabbing at his wrist and pushing him all the way back until Louis feels his lower back hit the railing of the banister.

Louis tries freeing his wrists, but the agent is pushing him further and further over the banister and if he doesn't do something quick he's going to take a fall.

He'd hoped he could have knocked the agent out, tied him up and given him to Zayn for questioning – or he would have done it himself – but at this point he doesn't think that's an option. Besides, there's a part of him that wants to kill him in the most brutal way possible since he came after Claire.

With every ounce of strength Louis has, he punches out with his arm. The agent's grip on him loosens and he manages to pull away from him enough to knee him in the balls. The agent lets go of him completely and over his shoulder Louis sees the glint of the knife.

The agent recovers quickly, aiming a punch for Louis' face. Louis lets it hit him, but is immediately hitting the agent in jaw again. 

Quickly, he jumps around the agent, hitting the floor just behind the knife and he reaches out for, grabbing it easily enough. 

He stands, knees and back popping and turns on his heel, missing the days when he was younger and this sort of thing didn't affect him as much. The agent comes at him, but Louis steps out of the way and he hits the wall face first.

He turns quickly, but Louis' already there, jabbing the knife into his heart as hard and deep as he can. The agent gasps, eyes widening. Louis pulls the knife out and stabs it back in a couple times until he sees the agent stop breathing.

Stabbing him once more for good measure, Louis leaves the knife in his chest and lets him fall to the floor. Breathing heavily, he turns to Claire's door and freezes. Harry and Claire as standing there. Harry's arms wrapped around her as she stares at Louis with wide-eyes. 

It's obvious she's scared – she'd be stupid not to be – but what hurts him is that he knows that some of that fear is directed at him. She's never seen him kill someone before and he wasn't exactly nice and clean about it.

“We need to get out,” he says, eyes meeting Harry's.

“Louis-.”

“Harry, don't argue,” he sighs all too aware of the blood dripping down his face and arm and the blood drying on his hands.

“Wasn't going to,” he says, letting go of Claire and stepping toward him. “I was just going to ask if you're okay.”

The honest answer is no.

“I'm fine,” he lies, turning toward the stairs. “Let's go.”

**

“I'm not happy about this,” Louis says, jabbing his finger in Zayn's chest.

They'd gone to the flat in Manchester Zayn and Niall have been staying in. It's small, only two bedrooms, but it's the only place Louis could think about and since he'd needed to brief Zayn on what had happened, he'd figured it was a good as place as any to camp out for a while.

Claire hasn't spoken since he got them in the car. Although, she had seem a little delighted to see Zayn at first, but she'd remained silent since Zayn had barely acknowledged her, something that Louis would have reprimanded him for on any other day.

She's sitting on the sofa now, Harry beside her, eyes watching them warily. 

Zayn grabs his hand and pulls it away from his chest. Dropping it, he says, “Louis, no one's happy about this.”

“Yeah, well, it wasn't-.”

“I've got Liam,” Niall says, walking in from his room, pulling his phone from his ear and pressing speaker. “I've explained everything I know to him,” he adds, setting the phone on the coffee table in front of Harry and Claire and sitting in the arm chair. 

“How you doing, Claire?” Liam asks.

Her brow furrows as she stares down at it. “Um, hi?”

“She's a bit confused and scared, but given the circumstances she's holding up well,” Harry answers.

“Oh, hello, Harry,” Liam replies. “Sorry, I can't actually see you. I'm in the process of reworking some of the wireless connections with or WiFi and skype doesn't currently work.”

“It's fine,” Harry says. “But, to be honest, I'd rather not be speaking to you at all.”

“I get that. Believe me I do and I wish we didn't have to.”

“Excuse me,” Louis squeaks from across the room. “Can we deal with this?”

Zayn walks past him, perching himself on the coffee table. “Exactly what are you doing with our WiFi?” 

Louis snorts out, throwing his arms out. He can't believe this. Someone just tried to kill his daughter and nobody seems to give a damn about it.

“Well, it's not so much what I'm doing.”

“Don't you have other things to be doing?”

“Uh, yes,” Liam answers. “But, Zayn, mate, if someone is accessing our files, which we know they are, we need to stop it. I'm putting a -.”

Louis crosses the room, stopping when he's in front of Zayn and placing his hands on his waist. “Zayn, we need to end this now.” 

“I agree, Louis,” Liam says. “But, I've got to be honest, I didn't think you'd care about it.”

Louis turns to the phone and frowns. Zayn's eyes widen and he blinks, shaking his head. “We're working on it, Louis,” Zayn tells him. “But we're limited in what we know.” 

“Don't give me that shit, Zayn,” Louis says. “They came after my family. We need to find Keats and take him out. Should've killed him when I had the chance.” 

“Then his next in command would take over,” Zayn points out. “You know how these things work.” 

“He's right, Louis,” Liam agrees. “There's a way we need to go about this.” 

Niall snorts from the chair “Maybe we should talk about this in the morning when we aren't all exhausted.”

“If you were going to suggest that why did you call me?”

“Thought you were in the office?”

“I am, but I've been sleeping here to keep an eye on things.”

“Lads!” Louis yells. “So far none of you have given me a solid excuse for not going after Keats.”

Zayn stands and Louis has to take a step back. “We don't know where he is.”

“Then question Thomas.”

“Thomas swears he doesn't know where Keats is,” Liam answers. “I'm keen to believe him on that because-.”

Louis growls and Liam cuts off, clearing his throat. “Oh for fuck's sake.”

“Louis,” Zayn starts, but Harry stands and he shuts his mouth.

“Look, I understand now that this is serious,” Harry starts, “but Claire-. She needs to sleep and calm down. I know not everyone here cares about that.” He shoots the back of Zayn's head a glare. “But I do.” He walks around the table and stands in beside Louis, facing him. “Louis, there's nothing you can do tonight. Or tomorrow, by the sound of it. Please, drop it for the night.”

Harry's right. 

There is nothing he can do tonight. Until they find Keats he can't do a damn thing and who knows how long it will be until they do.

And Claire does need to calm down. She'd just had someone try to kill her and then had to watch that person be killed by her father. Anyone would need a moment after that.

Biting at his upper lip, Louis turns to him and nods.

Zayn stands. “Okay, we'll deal with this tomorrow.” Turning to Harry, he says, “Claire can have the sofa. Unfortunately, you and Louis will need to sleep on the floor. I know how bad that is for your back. I'll give you all the extra pillows and blankets that I can.”

Harry blinks, brow furrowing. Louis' own eyes narrow. Zayn actually sounds somewhat sincere about that. It's not completely out of the ordinary, but it is weird.

“Thank you,” Harry says.

Zayn nods and walks out of the room.

“Bit off,” he hears Niall mutter as he grabs his phone and takes Liam off speaker before returning to his own room.

There's silence as Claire stares down at her lap and Harry continues watching the side of Louis' face. He becomes very aware of the dried blood on his skin and clothes.

“I'm gonna...” he trails off, inclining his head toward the bathroom. 

He doesn't wait for a response.

**

Louis' been trying to sleep for an hour when he hears Claire and Harry whispering to each other on the other side of the room.

At first, Louis hadn't thought anything of it, but now he's sure they think he's asleep because Claire asks, “Dad, how did you love him knowing what all he'd done? How did you continue loving him?” 

Harry sighs and Louis can hear him shuffle around, probably turning to his side to stare up at the sofa Claire is on. “Because I knew who he really was,” Harry says, contradicting what Louis had thought a couple days ago. Louis' still sure Harry didn't know him completely, that he blocked pieces out.

Louis knows he should stop listening, but he's curious to know how much of an explanation Harry gives her, so he stays as still as possible and listens.

“He's a great person,” Harry continues. “He's made a lot of mistakes and due to things he couldn't control he was left without anything or anyone to care about him. He had to learn how to live completely on his own and that led him to doing things he probably normally wouldn't have. But he'd survived. He found a way to survive without anyone or anything. He's strong and brave. And he's a very caring, passionate man in a lot of ways.”

There's a pause and Louis thinks Harry's going to stop there, but he doesn't. “He saved my life when he didn't have to. He risked his own for mine. I could always tell that he wasn't happy with his life, that he wanted more. He wanted a family, but he was too afraid for it. I pressured him into it and I don't regret it because I got you, but he was right. It wasn't the safest option. He loved you and did everything he could to protect you. He's so good with kids and seeing him with you made me love him more.

“He's not a terrible person. He's just made mistakes. And I'll be the first to admit a lot of the things he's done is unforgivable, but he's not a _bad_ person,” Harry concludes.

Louis fights the urge to sit up and tell him that he's wrong, that Louis is a terrible person. He's cheated, lied, killed, put his family in danger and hurt them more than he can ever imagine. 

He doesn't deserve Harry's forgiveness or whatever this is.

“Do you still love him?” 

He tenses, waiting for Harry's answer. “I never stopped, Claire,” Harry admits quietly.

“You should tell him. Talk.” 

“I'm not sure it's that easy.” 

They fall silent and it's not long after that he hears Harry snoring softly, the way he always did when it was tad too cold in the room.

Louis lies there, thinking about what Harry had said. 

Truthfully, it's not surprising. As Ethan had pointed out, love doesn't just go away when someone leaves or dies or whatever. It lingers and when you least expect it, it'll come back in full force and bring back old memories and feelings with it no matter if you've moved on or not.

And finding out the truth about who someone is doesn't kill love immediately, either. Nothing really kills love immediately. It's something that fizzles out on it's on, over time. So yeah, it's not surprising that Harry still loves him. (Louis wonders if he's known all these years or if it was something that snuck up on him when Louis showed back up. It doesn't matter, either way. He's just curious.)

It's not even surprising that Harry doesn't think their relationship is something that can easily be fixed. It can't. Louis knows and Harry knows that there's too much past, too much pain there for both of them. 

And Louis knows himself well enough to know that even if given another chance with his family, no matter how hard he fought, he'd be pulled away again. His life isn't easy and he's never been able to have the things he truly wanted for extended amounts of time.

But Harry still loves him and Louis still loves Harry.

Their relationship is almost impossible.

Louis silently cries himself to sleep.

**

Claire is definitely afraid of him and she's picked up her avoidance skills from Harry.

She won't speak to him, avoids being in the room with him as much as possible, which is an especially astonishing feat considering there's not very many places in this flat for her to go. Most of the time when they are in the same room, she ignores his presence completely.

It's disconcerting because he'd thought they were getting somewhere. He thought they were fixing their relationship. Slowly, but they were. 

He does understand why she'd be apprehensive around him, but he doesn't understand, no matter how hard he tries, why she's ignoring him the way she is.

So he's pulled Harry aside because he's at least speaking to Louis. 

“Is Claire ever going to speak to me again?” he inquires once they're in the bathroom and the door is shut behind them. 

The bathroom is small and their toes are almost touching.

Harry takes a deep breath. “Louis, she's just having a hard time reconciling the Louis she thought she knew and remembered to the Louis you actually are.”

“That's shit,” Louis snaps. He knows he's being irrational about this, but they were fixing their relationship. He wants to go back to that.

“She saw you kill someone, Louis. Even if you did it to protect her, it's something she's got to figure out. I can't do anything to help you,” Harry explains quietly. 

“You understand it, though,” Louis points out. “You were in her position once too.” 

“Yeah and look where that got me.”

It's not vicious, but sad and resigned. Louis gets it. He feels the same. 

His relationship with Harry has mostly been pain and regret for the decisions Louis' made, but he wouldn't change it. Because mixed in with the pain and sadness, there's happiness and love and Claire. He'd never give that up to get rid of the bad.

Louis starts to reply, but the door opens and Niall steps in, startling when he sees the two of them there. Taking them in, he raises an eyebrow, glancing between them.

“Shut up, Niall,” Harry says.

Niall smirks, crossing his arms. “What are you two doing?”

“Nothing you want to know about,” Louis quips. He's about to add an insult, but his eyes flick up to Niall's head. He's wearing one of his old newsboy caps. “Aren't you too old to wear that?” 

Niall's brow furrows. “What do you mean? Wear what?” 

“That fucking awful hat,” Louis answers, pointing up at it. 

Niall frowns, defending it. “I think it makes me look younger.” 

“Makes you look stupid. Take it off.”

Harry giggles at Niall's offended expression and Louis bites back his smile. “I hate you both,” Niall says, pushing between them. “Now get out because I need to piss. Unless you want to watch.”

On their way out, Harry quickly reaches over and plucks the hat off Niall's head and runs out, Louis slamming the door shut behind them, quietening Niall's protests.

When he turns around Harry's proudly putting the hat on his head. It looks better on him.

Louis smiles, but it drops when he sees Zayn on the sofa, talking on the phone with Liam, who's on speaker. Harry's smile slowly drops as he follows Louis' eye line.

This doesn't sound good.

Niall comes out of the bathroom. “You bastards,” he says, taking his hat back. “Forgot how much I hated the two of you being together. I swear to-.”

He cuts off when he sees Zayn. “Okay, what's going on?” he asks, going to the armchair. 

Louis follows, sitting next to Zayn on the sofa.

“Still fixing the WiFi?” Louis directs at the phone.

“It's taking longer than I'd thought,” Liam sighs through the phone. “I've got a lot going on, but I do have access to Pandora now.”

“That's great,” Zayn says, unamused face and voice saying the opposite. 

“So what's going on?” Niall asks.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Harry disappearing into Niall's room.

“Got a lead on Keats,” he says. “I think,” he adds, unsure. “We've obtained some information about the target being a bank, which doesn't make much sense.”

“Unless he needs money,” Louis suggests, knowing that's highly unlikely.

“Keats wouldn't target a bank,” Niall says. “It's too small a target.”

“Which is exactly why I don't trust this,” Zayn tells him.

Liam, through the speaker, says, “I'm almost positive the information is wrong and was given to us on purpose. A diversion tactic, as it were.”

Zayn groans, throwing his head back on the sofa. “We need to end this soon.”

“It's not like I haven't said that before, Zayn.”

Zayn turns to him and sticks his tongue out.

“Liam,” Niall says, sitting forward. “Text me the details about this bank. I'll look into and if you have time see if you can access security or find any information you can about it.”

Liam agrees, but Louis talks over him. “Niall, I highly doubt Keats is actually going to hit a bank.”

Niall stands and shrugs. “Is it unlikely? Yes, but it doesn't make it impossible. I'm going to look into it. It may not be anything, but better safe than sorry.”

**

When he opens the door to Zayn's room, he met with the sight of him sitting up in his bed, files and papers spread out around him and his laptop in his lap.

“You always hated paperwork,” Louis comments as he shuts the door and walks further into the room. “Why'd you take this job?”

Louis' never asked him that before, they've never once talked about it. Zayn looks up, blinks and sighs. “I don't know,” he says, shutting the laptop. “I guess it's sort of like why Niall was working for Interpol.” When he finishes his face scrunches up. “Or thought he was working for Interpol.”

“You feel guilty?” Louis asks, taken aback. Zayn's never once shown any remorse for anything he's ever done, aside from what happened with Perrie and occasionally when he's done something to fuck one of them over.

Zayn nods and Louis sits on the edge of the bed, a leg underneath him. “I find that hard to believe, mate.”

“It's true,” Zayn tells him. “I do. I never talk about it or think about it because doing that only makes me feel like shit. But, I guess, seeing you and how you were with Harry made me open my eyes a bit. There's more to the world than what I had been doing. I didn't want a family, though. I never did, but I don't know. Somehow that made me realize that what I was doing wasn't the best thing in the world.”

“It's not the worst, either,” Louis interjects.

“Maybe not. I mean, I'm not sure how to explain it, but-.” He cuts himself off, looking to his lap. “When Claire was kidnapped and I saw how that affected you and Harry I realized that I could have been a hell of a lot worse of person, but I started thinking, what's stopping me from becoming like that? Like, what will it take for me to cross that line? And I didn't want to.”

Louis nods, lips tightly together. “Yeah, I get that,” he says eventually. “So you took the job hoping to sort of undo whatever bad things you'd done.”

“Yeah. It sounds ridiculous because I've never targeted a whole country or planned the deaths of millions of people, but yeah.”

He trails off and they sit in silence. 

Louis picks at a loose thread on the duvet. There's a question he's been wanting to ask for a while and he guesses now is as good a time as any.

“If you thought I was making the wrong choice, why didn't you fight me on it? You just accepted me with open arms.” 

Zayn's quiet for a long time, frowning down at his lap before he looks up. “I was being selfish,” he says simply. “I wanted you around. And I see now that I should have told you no. I should have forced you to be with your family. I've watched for years how not being with them has affected you. I've watched you slowly lose every bit of happiness they brought you. You've gone back to being your cold, reckless self that I came to fifteen years ago with the job targeting Harry Styles. I've been watching you fall apart for years and I could have prevented that.”

“I'm not sure you could have,” Louis admits quietly. 

“What do you mean?”

He shrugs. “If it wasn't this it would have been something else, you know?”

“No, I don't,” Zayn tells him.

Truthfully, Louis doesn't even know what he's saying.

All the time he'd spent with Harry, he'd always been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen to take his family away from him, but he'd never been waiting for something to take him away. It was never something he considered and that's what happened.

Looking back it, he knows that no matter how hard he tried something would have happened to separate them, whether it was this or death.

Things would have always ended badly for them. That's how Louis' life works. Happiness isn't something he can have for too long before the universe decides to rip it away from him.

He shakes his head at himself. He has no idea what he's thinking. 

“Nah, ignore me,” he says, standing. “I don't know what I'm saying.”

Zayn's forehead furrows. “You sure?”

“Yeah.”

He walks out of the room, ignoring the questioning, concerned look Zayn's watching him with.


	6. Through the Darkest of Your Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has a lot of decently productive conversations and one failed attempt at one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been taking me so long to update, but I've been unbelievably busy lately. Things are calming down, though, so the next update shouldn't take as long. Hopefully. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but I expect the next one to be longer so hopefully it'll even out.
> 
> I didn't edit this as much as I usually do because I'm exhausted and wanted to post, so I apologize for any and all mistakes. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Only two chapters left!

As they had predicted, nothing happened with the bank. Niall had maintained his “better safe than sorry” mantra, saying that had something happened they would have known about it and would have been able to stop it. Louis doesn't think that's necessarily true, but he's not in the mood to argue it.

He's not in the mood for much right now as it is, but he's here and he's participating as much as he can. It's hard when he knows Harry and Claire are in the next room, doing whatever the hell they've found to occupy their time.

The conversation he had with Zayn the other day has been replaying in his mind ever since then and he's been more focused on that and Harry and Claire than the real, dangerous situation they're all in. But he can't help that part of his mind that's angry at Zayn for knowing that Louis was making a mistake choosing this job and not stopping Louis. How different could his life have been had Zayn stepped up and said something?

He'd said then that something else would have happened and his life would have ended up a mess, anyway. He's sure that's true, but he might have had a few more “happy” years with his family than what he had. However, maybe Zayn wasn't being selfish at all. Maybe what he did was the right thing even if he didn't realize it at the time. Or maybe things could have ended a lot worse than they did if Zayn had stopped him from taking this job. 

No one will ever know, though, so he supposes there isn't a reason to be hung up on it. Still, he is and he probably always will be.

“Whoa, hang on,” Niall's saying, leaning forward toward the phone and breaking Louis out of his thoughts. “What are you saying? Voila's attacking soon?”

An attack? What the hell did he miss?

“I can't be sure, obviously,” Liam says. “But it sounds like the attack is on the whole city.” 

“But why Manchester?” Niall continues. “Why not London? Or I don't know. New York? They always go for New York in films.” 

“It's just the start,” Liam points out. “Also, Zayn's there and Keats definitely wants him dead.” 

“Do we know how?” Louis questions, figuring he should get involved in the conversation at some point. 

Liam sighs through the phone. “Unfortunately, no.” 

“How do you know any of this?”

Zayn and Niall both turn to him, eyebrows raised. “You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?” Liam asks.

Louis shrugs. “Doesn't matter. How sure are you?”

“Like I said, I can't know one hundred percent for sure, but I know enough. My friend here tells me Keats has gotten himself pretty worked up over Zayn trying to take him down. His main concern is getting Zayn before Zayn gets him.”

From the sofa, Zayn snorts, leaning back. “He doesn't need to waste his time on me,” he says. “I don't have a bloody clue where he is.”

“I think that's part of the point, mate,” Niall quips.

“Even still,” Liam continues, “Keats is focusing on getting Zayn and he knows you're in Manchester. What better way to get you out of hiding than to attack the city you're in.”

“I'm not hiding,” Zayn scoffs, sitting up again, eyes focused on the phone. “And how do you know Thomas isn't lying?”

Louis nods. “He could be telling you Keats is planning to attack Manchester to get to Zayn when he's actually planning something bigger just to distract us.”

Liam hums noncommittally. “I see your point. I really do, but I'm inclined to believe Thomas. No one's tried to get him back and people have tried to kill him since we got him. I don't think Keats or Volia care too much about him now. His loyalty is waning.”

“Okay, so let's assume there is an attack on Manchester. How do we stop it? Do we even know what this supposed attack is?”

“No, I don't, Louis. And even if Thomas was telling the truth about the attack, I doubt he'd know specifics.”

“So we have no way to prepare or to stop it? Great.”

“We've been through worse,” Zayn comments.

Louis cocks an eyebrow. “When?” There's silence for a moment before Zayn shrugs. “See? This is bad.”

“Which is why I'm coming,” Liam tells them.

“You don't have to do that,” Zayn argues. 

“Yeah, why would you come here? We're all going to die.”

“With that attitude, yes, Niall,” Liam says. “Honestly, do you think I'm going to let you deal with this alone?”

Of course he's not. They wouldn't do it without him either. They're a unit, a team, and they need each other. Whatever they plan will be more effective with all four of them.

“Bring Thomas with you, then,” Zayn sighs. “Don't trust him in the hands of other people.”

**

Everyone is asleep and Louis' been left alone to his thoughts again. This sort of thing is easier to handle when he's completely alone, but trying to sleep in the same room as Harry and Claire was making it harder for him to ignore it, especially when most of those thoughts were about Harry. Once he'd given up on sleeping all together, he went out to the small balcony just off the kitchen.

It's dark and cold and quiet out here, almost peaceful. He'd questioned Zayn's choice in getting a place with a balcony if their all trying to hide from Keats and Volia. Zayn hadn't given him much of a response, just waved his hand and walked away. Louis' sure Zayn has his reasons, but it still doesn't seem safe to him. And yet, here he is. Outside on the balcony late at night without his gun all because he couldn't stop thinking about Harry fucking Styles.

He suspects he's been out there for over an hour when he hears the door slowly slide open, then closed, and Harry's barefoot shuffling behind him. Harry leans against the railing, overlooking the street below them. Harry's too close, his arm just barely touching Louis'. And it's not right. Louis came out here to get away from him. There are no chairs out here and it'd be too obvious if Louis moved to the other side of the balcony. Not that it would do him much good. It's far too small for him to get a good distance between them. 

“I can't sleep,” Harry admits quietly.

He was sleeping perfectly fine when Louis left the room earlier, but Harry's always been good at pretending to sleep. Louis doesn't remember why Harry does it so often or when he first realized it was something Harry did, but he does know it.

“How much did you tell Ethan?” he asks. It's not an appropriate response to what Harry said, but it's part of what's keeping him up tonight. Trying to not think about it hasn't helped, maybe facing the problem head on will.

It takes Harry a while to answer, twiddling his thumbs and not looking at Louis. “I wasn't going to lie to him,” he answers eventually. “I loved him far too much for that.” 

Louis nods and it takes him far longer than it should to realize what Harry said. “Loved?” 

Harry turns to him, eyes curious. “Why?” 

Why? Louis could think of a few good reasons, but not any Harry wants to hear right now. “Harry, we need to talk.” 

Harry nods, turning back to the street. There's a man, stumbling by. He's most likely a random drunk, but Louis tenses just the same, eyes watching him intently as he passes. Once he does, Louis relaxes, but it's hard with Harry so close to him.

“I didn't want to leave you and Claire,” he starts, taking a deep breath. “But I'd already put you both in too much danger. I was afraid of what would happen. Broderick came to me while I was in the hospital, told me about this agency he was the head of. Said Zayn would take his place when he retired in a year or so and said Liam and Niall were also going to work there. He offered me a job.”

“I could've figured that much,” Harry mutters.

A gust of wind passes them and Harry shivers. Louis refuses to let himself reach over to him. “Point is, he told me that if I took the job, they'd fake my death,” he continues. “ _Again_. And then yours and Claire's as well so no one could find you and you'd be safe. The catch was, I couldn't be around you. For a couple of reasons. It was too dangerous for you and Claire. I wasn't doing the same thing, anymore. I was going undercover to take down terrorist organizations, drug lords and the like. I spent an entire year undercover once. I wouldn't have been around much and there was always the possibility of my cover being blown, which would lead the bad guys to you and Claire.”

He pauses, picking at loose skin next to his thumb. “But I also wanted to take the job. I was never happy with the stuff that I was doing. This was giving me a chance to help people. I hated that I couldn't be with you and Claire, but I don't regret it. I've saved way too many lives to count to regret it. Do I sometimes wish I had done it differently? Yes, but then thousands of people could be dead.”

“Claire and I ended up in danger, anyway,” Harry points out. 

“I know,” Louis agrees quickly. “And that's my fault. I said I didn't regret it, but that doesn't make it easy. I've missed you everyday since then and wanted nothing more than to be with you, but I'm doing something good. Something that needs to be done.”

Harry swallows hard, turning to him. “Then why'd you show up?”

“Zayn had kept me out of the U.K. completely. Even kept me out of Europe so I wouldn't be tempted to find you. I wasn't even supposed to know where you were or what your aliases were, but I hacked into the system and I've been keeping tabs over the years. I just needed to know you were safe. And then this Volia thing happened and it's bigger than anything we've dealt with. The guy has a personal vendetta for Zayn for some unknown reason and Zayn needed his best on the case. And I'm the best.”

He turns to Harry. “Well, Niall might be, but still. Zayn sent me to Manchester to chase a lead and I knew I was close, so when I got injured-. I don't know. I knew where you lived so I found you. I shouldn't have because it put you and Claire in danger again and fucked so much up, but I did it and we're here.”

Harry turns away. “I sort of get what you're saying,” he starts. “But I also don't. I think for me my family would have been more important, but I'm also a hell of a lot more selfish than you are.”

Snorting, Louis says, “I highly doubt that.”

“No it's true,” Harry replies, turning back to him. “I am. I wouldn't have cared if I was turning down the opportunity to save people's lives. I would've chosen you and Claire. Neither of those things is explicitly right or wrong. I get why you did it, but I don't think I could ever accept you back in my life the same way again. If at all.”

Louis sighs, hanging his head. He grabs a hold of the railing, knuckles turning white from how hard he's holding on. 

“I've lost you several times before, Louis,” Harry continues. “Each time it hurt more. I can't go through that again. I came to the conclusion a long time ago I was never going to forget you. I was never going to stop loving you, but I was finally moving on and then you show up, back from the supposed dead. Everything I knew for the past seven years was a lie, nothing made sense and I was worried about Claire. And I was angry, so so fucking angry because you'd been alive this whole time, but never let me know.

“Claire didn't need it and I certainly didn't. So yes, I'm angry at you. I think I understand why you did it. But I can't keep losing you and neither can Claire.” 

Harry pauses and it's for so long that Louis pushes away from the railing at turns to him fully. Harry's staring back at him, eyes shiny in the dark. “I just don't think I want you in my life,” he finishes. 

Louis gets it. He truly does and he'd expected it, but it still hurts to hear. Harry was moving on, had found someone else who wouldn't disappear for years without an explanation or put his life in danger. Louis understands, but he hates it.

“Okay,” he says quietly, but it doesn't stop him from pushing up to his toes and pulling him down into a kiss. Harry starts to pull back, but Louis holds him there. “Just please, let me have this. Just for now,” he whispers. 

Harry's eyes search him for a moment before he closes the distance between them. It's not that great of a kiss if he's being honest. They're both cold and tired and hesitant, but Louis wouldn't trade it for anything.

They kiss for a long while, gentle, yet passionate. And as they do, Louis thinks he's the one that's selfish. He asked Harry for this even though he knows they both know it's not a good idea. But Harry's going along with it. Maybe Harry really is the selfish one of the two.

Louis stops thinking about it and lets himself melt into Harry a little more.

Neither of them specify what just for now means.

**

Louis is a stupid man and he'd be the first to admit it. Although, no one is around to witness this so maybe that means he isn't stupid. Is one only stupid when someone else is around to see it? Or is-.

He needs to get it together. Then again, he shouldn't even be here. If Harry found out he was here...well, Harry isn't going to find out until Louis' long gone, so he doesn't really need to think about it.

Still, the lads would be angry as well if they knew he was here. It's risky. Majorly so, for many different reasons, but Louis thinks this is something he should risk. Admittedly, though, he should not have left without telling anyone. He can only imagine how everyone is reacting to him not being there. Maybe he should send a text.

Yeah, a text is definitely what he should do.

He types out a quick message to Niall because he's the least likely to ask questions saying that he's gone out to do something personal and not to worry. He waits in the car for five minutes for a reply, but he never gets it. Figuring Niall's still sleeping, he pockets his phone and gets out of the car. 

The house in front of him is intimidating and there's a soft glow of light from the front window. Louis doesn't know if it's that normal a thing for this early of the morning or if it's due to the circumstances. He could always ask, he thinks as he starts toward the house. But that would add unnecessary time to his visit. He wants to get in and out as quick as possible.

His knock is more timid than normal, but he's all out of sorts right now. He and Harry had their talk the other night, but beyond that nothing else. There's been stolen kisses in dark corners and hallways, but for the lack of private space in the flat and the fact that they both know what's going to happen has it ending there. Merely stolen kisses.

Louis takes a quick step back when the door opens and Ethan comes into view. It's ridiculous, really, Louis' doesn't scare easily, has been through a lot scarier than this, but his heart is beating so fast and he's sweating. He feels worse when Ethan recognizes him, crossing his arms as his face hardens.

“There better be a good reason why you're here,” he says, eyes boring into Louis. 

“I wanted to talk,” Louis replies, sounding a lot less sure of himself than he wanted. He scratches the back of his neck, trying his best to ignore the scrutinizing look Ethan is sending him.

“About?”

“Harry.”

Ethan tenses, a second later nodding his head and walking away. He's left the door open and Louis assumes it's so he can follow him through. So he does, shutting the door behind him. He leaves his coat on as he follows Ethan into the kitchen.

Ethan's putting things into his cabinets when Louis fully comes into the room. The table is covered in bags of groceries and Louis briefly wonders if this is the first time Ethan's had to buy groceries in a long time.

“So, are you here to tell me that I shouldn't put up a fight for him because I'm no match for you?” Ethan questions, his back to Louis as he sets something in a cabinet. “Because that's really not-.”

“That's not why I'm here,” Louis admits, running a finger along the table as he walks by it. 

Ethan walks to the table, grabbing another bag. “Excuse me for not believing that. You should know, I know what happened.”

Louis ducks his head, biting his lip. This was a terrible idea. He should not be doing this. Yet, here he is. When he looks back up, Ethan's back is to him again. “Who gets groceries this early of the morning?”

“I do when I can't sleep.” Ethan turns to him, resting his hands on the counter between them. “But don't deflect.”

“I wasn't. I was merely curious.” Ethan snorts, turning back the bag of groceries. “Look, I didn't come to fight. I don't want to fight you. I just wanted to explain something.”

“Please spare me,” Ethan groans. 

“I don't think I will,” Louis responds. “I just want you to know – and you don't have to do anything with this information – but I wanted you to know that I never stopped loving my family. But it was safer for them if I was gone and I had an opportunity to finally do something good with my life.”

Ethan turns, brow furrowed. “Your family wasn't something good?”

“That's not what I was saying,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I'm saying that from a very early age I was a criminal because I lost my family and had no one. I've done terrible things that I regret every day of my. Those things were constantly in the back of my mind. And I was a danger to Harry and Claire. I had a chance to make some things right so I did.”

“Sounds selfish to me.”

Louis nods. “In a way it was, but I also wanted Harry and Claire to safe. I was never supposed to come back.”

“Then why did you?”

“I was injured and out of my mind,” Louis shrugs. “But we're getting off topic. I don't know much about you, but I can tell you care about Harry and Claire. And they like you, so.” He pauses, glancing to the side. Ethan's leaning on the counter again, watching him skeptically. This is harder than Louis expected it to be. “I'm saying you deserve Harry more than I do.”

Ethan's quiet for a moment, eyes narrowing. “Are you really saying I can _have_ him?” 

“No,” Louis says quickly, shaking his head. “I'm saying it's Harry decision and I know he's going to pick you. He _should_ pick you. All I've ever done is hurt him. Harry and Claire deserve someone that isn't me, someone that loves them. I'm not happy about it, but if that person is you than you shouldn't let what happened the other night dictate your relationship with them. Harry loves you and he made a mistake. It's not something that's easy to forgive, but I think you can kind of understand it. He thought I was dead and then I wasn't. That's confusing and he doesn't know how to deal with it.” 

Louis realizes how ridiculous this situation is, but it's something that he needed to do. He's coming off badly here. Whatever Ethan is thinking about him, it's not completely unfounded. 

“Why'd you let it happen?” 

Louis sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Because I wanted it,” he answers truthfully. “I've missed him. I know that's hard to believe, but I did. I've missed him every day and I've never stopped loving him, but it's just not possible for us to be together. We tried and it didn't work. I'm a danger to him and Claire and I've done too much for them to forgive. I know that and they'll figure it out too, but until they do you can best bet I'm going to get everything I can for a while.” 

Rolling his eyes, Ethan pushes away from the counter, moving toward the table. He grabs another bag and Louis waits in silence while he puts more food away.

“I don't like you,” Ethan says eventually. “But I've got to respect a man who realizes he's a danger to his family and leaves. Coming back like you did? Not so much.” He puts the a box of cereal in the cabinet and turns. “There's a part of me that understands every bit of what's happened, but the other bigger part of me hates you both right now.”

“That's understandable.”

“What exactly were you hoping to accomplish by coming here?”

Louis shrugs. “No idea. I just felt like you deserved an explanation and I know Harry gave you one, but we both know how he gets when he's done something wrong. And also I know Harry would rather be with you than me now. I sort of just wanted to let you know that I understand why he would pick you, but I'm not going to stop loving him.”

There's another long pause as Ethan watches him carefully. “On the off chance he chooses you, then, I hope you realize how fucking lucky you are.” 

So Ethan knows Harry doesn't want Louis. It's good to know they didn't fuck everything up completely.

“Oh, I already know exactly how lucky I am,” Louis says, smiling wryly. 

He doesn't stay much longer and when he checks his phone in the car he has a text from Niall, berating him for sneaking out in the middle of the night. Louis sends him a text back saying to calm himself and it was early morning, then puts the car in drive.

He manages to keep his mind blank the whole way back to the flat.

**

When he got back he was informed by Zayn that Liam had shown up with Thomas not much earlier and was in the process of helping Niall secure Thomas in Niall's room. Louis' been back for a good half hour and still hasn't seen Liam. Niall's come out a couple of times to grab more rope and zip-ties. He knows he could go in, but he doesn't really want to be in the same room as the guy who shot him.

And he's not particularly happy about this guy being in the same building as Harry and Claire, but he's been assured by Zayn that someone will be watching him to make sure he doesn't get loose. It doesn't make him feel better, but he doesn't have much of a choice. 

The door to Niall's room opens and Niall and Liam both come out. 

“Should've gotten a bigger place,” Niall's mumbling, rubbing his hands together as Liam shuts the door.

“Who knew I'd be coming, though,” Liam replies.

“Well, I really think Harry, Claire and I are the real problem here,” Louis says, turning his head so he can see them better. “Of course, you're the one that brought-.”

He cuts off, taking in Liam's appearance. Nothing's really different. He's wearing his normal jeans and t-shirt combo, but it's what on his face that's got Louis' attention.

“You've grown a full on beard.” 

Liam's brow furrows as he crosses the room to sit on the sofa next to Zayn. “Yes?” 

“Why?” 

“Why's it matter?” 

“It's been a long time since you've had a full beard.” 

“Haven't had time to shave.” 

Louis snorts. “Yeah, okay. Doesn't take that long, mate, but whatever.” 

“I've been busy,” Liam whines.

“It's grey.” 

“Shut up.”

“Can we talk about something other than Liam's facial hair?” Niall says, rummaging around in the fridge. 

Liam rolls his eyes. “You're just jealous you can't grow facial hair.”

Niall spins on his heel, mouth turned down at the corners. “I can. I just choose not to. We can't-.”

“Can we talk about Keats?” Zayn sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That is more important than anyone's facial hair.”

“Well, I know he's using a warehouse,” Liam says, grabbing his bag and pulling out his laptop.

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ, I'm so sick of those,” Louis mutters.

Niall walks in, hands empty, and sits in the other chair. “How do you know?”

“Our friend in there,” Liam answers, jerking his head toward the room Thomas is in. “Tipped me off.”

“How do you know he's telling the truth?”

Liam turns to him, frowning. “I looked into it,” he says affronted. “Hacked into some surveillance. I've not seen Keats there, but I have seen a lot of people go in and out.”

“Why's he need a warehouse?” Zayn asks reluctantly. 

“Not sure, exactly. But I have seen a lot of shipments being delivered.” Liam sets his laptop on the coffee table in front of him. “Your guess is as good as mine on what's in those crates.”

Niall gets up from the chair and squeezes between Liam and the end of the sofa. “Looks like it could be weapons,” he mutters. “Where could he get that much from, though?”

“The black market,” Liam says. “But I can't find anything anywhere to suggest that.”

“That's still my best guess,” Zayn says, leaning forward. “Who's name is the warehouse rented under or whatever?”

Liam takes a deep breath. “That's the thing. It's not. There's no record of it even existing. So add that to the list of things that don't make sense.”

“Yeah, but if there's no record of it, then Thomas is probably telling the truth,” Louis points out.

“True.” Liam presses a couple of keys on his keyboard. “The most people I've seen go in is around twenty. I've never seen that many come out. My math is not accurate, but I'm guessing there's about a hundred people in there.”

Niall groans, falling back. “Is he building an army? 'cause I really hope that's not what he's doing.”

“Liam, got anything else that's helpful?”

“Thomas hasn't given me anymore information.”

“Of course he hasn't.”

“So, what?” Louis asks. “We go in, just the four of us, guns blazing, praying like hell we make a dent? Like old times?” 

Liam shakes his head. “That's too dangerous.”

“We've got to have a plan,” Zayn asserts.

“Well, with just the four of us we're limited on what we can do,” Louis points out.

“Don't you have people who work for you?”

Louis looks up just as Harry's placing two mugs in the sink. He hadn't heard him come in. A quick glance over his shoulder shows Claire's still out on the balcony, wrapped in a jumper and a blanket. 

“Technically, yes,” Zayn says. “But we've had a recent development.”

“What he means is, some of our agents have double-crossed us,” Louis tells him. “We don't know who we can trust.”

Harry turns to them. “Well, the four of you have dealt with worse.”

“Like what?” 

Harry shrugs. “I'm sure you have,” he says on his way back outside.

Louis watches after him. Once the door is shut behind him, he turns back to the others. “Well, as helpful as Harry was....”

“Does he still want Zayn dead, is the question?”

The three of them tun to Niall. 

“How is that the most important thing?” Liam questions. 

“We could use me as bait,” Zayn speaks up, Niall nodding along.

“No,” Louis says immediately. “That's not what we're doing at all.”

“It could be our only plan.”

“I'm with Louis on this,” Liam says. “There's got to be a better way.”

“And what way is that?” Niall asks.

Okay, so he gets what Niall and Zayn are saying, but he's not exactly happy about using one of his friends as bait. Ultimately, it's Zayn's choice, though, and if Louis were in his position he'd do the same thing. But, there's still an issue.

“Even if that did work and we did take out Keats,” he starts, “there's still a small matter of his supposed army. What the hell do we do about that?” 

Niall opens his mouth, but shuts it quickly. Clearly, they don't have a fucking clue on how to fix this. Zayn saying, “We'll figure it out eventually,” doesn't make him feel better either. 

Things are going to end so badly for them, he can feel it. He just hopes ending badly doesn't end with someone dying.

**

Claire hunts him down later that evening, not that she had to true to hard to find him. There are only four rooms in the whole flat, plus the balcony, which is where she finds him.

They've not spoken much since they've been staying here, something that he's trying not to think about too much. It's obvious she's been avoiding him and he does get it, but he's not happy about it. And he thinks it's a good sign that's she coming out on the balcony with him, but he realizes this isn't a happy visit when he sees here.

Her face is hard, hands clenched at her sides, and mouth set in a straight line. She stands there glaring at him and he can only take it for so long.

“Claire?”

“You broke your promise,” she grits out. “When I was nine you told me you'd always come home. You _promised_ me you would. But you didn't. I've never forgiven you for that. And now I find out-. Everything I thought about you was a lie. But that was nothing compared to actually seeing it.” 

When she's done she's nearly in tears. He takes a step toward her, but she quickly backs up. “Claire, I know I-.”

“No, you don't know anything,” she retorts, shaking her head. “You can't just expect me to be okay with everything.”

“I don't, Claire,” he tries, but she talks over him.

“I'll admit I probably should have remembered more about you than I did, but I was nine. There was a lot I didn't remember. A lot I probably blocked out, but I do remember you promising me you'd always come home and you didn't. That's all I wanted.”

Louis takes a deep breath, air coming out in wafts around him due to the cold air. “Okay, so what do you want? You want to yell at me? Go ahead. You want to hit me once or twice? Go ahead, but I don't think that's going to look good to a third party. You want to sit down and talk? That's probably the best option. It'd definitely give us better results.”

She stares at him in disbelief for a second before, spitting, “Fuck you.”

She spins on her heel, violently opening the door and storming through it. He made this worse somehow. He was being serious about that. He doesn't really want to be hit, but if that'd make her feel better he'd jump on board. There was no sarcasm or whatever she thought she detected.

“Claire!” he calls, following after her. He quickly shuts the door behind him and turns to the room. She's passing behind the sofa, Zayn and Liam watching with wide, nervous eyes. “Claire, don't walk away.”

“You don't have the right to tell me what to do.”

“Maybe not,” he says, stepping further into the room. “But if you have a problem with me we need to talk about it, instead of you running away from it.”

He shoots Zayn and Liam a look and they nod, starting to push themselves up. “No, no. Stay,” Claire tells them. “We aren't talking about anything.”

Zayn and Liam freeze, glancing at Louis. “What the hell do you think you should do in this situation?” he says to them. Then to Claire, he says, “You can't come out there and start yelling at me and then not finish it. If you want to deal-.”

“I don't want to talk to you.”

“Well, I can tell you that's not true,” Harry's voice says from the doorway to Zayn's room. He's leaning in the doorway, arms crossed and an eyebrow lifted in amusement. “She definitely wants to talk to you.”

Claire turns to him. “No, I don't.”

Harry ignores her, addressing Zayn and Liam, who are still halfway off the sofa. “Lads, I'd get out if I were you. I'm willing to bet you've not dealt with an emotional teenager before. And you don't want to.”

“Will you stop?” Claire begs. “I don't want to talk to him.”

“Then why'd you go out there?” Harry asks her. “You knew that's where he was. Why go out if you didn't want to speak to him?”

Any other moment, Louis would be amused by how Harry's dealing with her. He seems almost detached, which he's sure is only upsetting Claire more. Really, it's upsetting him too. He would like to talk to Claire, but he can't do that with an audience or with Harry riling her up more.

“Harry, I'm sure you have something you're trying to accomplish with this, but I can deal with it.”

Harry raises his hands in defense. “By all means.”

“Claire, I unde-.”

“Lads!”

“Oh for god's sake,” Louis mutters, throwing his head back.

Niall stumbles into the room in a rush, busting his elbow on the door frame.

“Lads!” he calls again.

“Niall, I'm kind of in the middle of something,” Louis tells him, motioning to Claire.

“I swear, Louis, this is more important.”

Louis sighs, rubbing at his temples. He drops his hands, pointing at Claire. “We will finish this.” 

She snorts, rolling his eyes. Truthfully, he's not sure they will, but he'd like to. She's obviously having issues with him and he understands perfectly why she would, but if she doesn't want to talk he won't force it. And, of course, there's the Keats/Volia issue.

“Claire, get out,” Harry says to her.

She's huffs out a breath, storming past him into Zayn's room. Once she's out, Harry shuts the door and steps into the room. Louis gives him a look, but Harry shrugs and sits in the armchair. 

“I don't think Keats is our guy,” Niall says. 

Louis watches him for a solid second, looking for any sign of a joke, but he gets nothing. Niall is as serious as Niall can be. “Then who the fuck is? And how do you know this?” 

“I was out last night-.”

“Seriously?”

“Doing some undercover reconnaissance, basically.”

“And no one noticed you were gone?”

“And I overheard some people talking about something that got me thinking,” Niall continues, ignoring Louis completely. “I think we've been wrong about Volia.” 

Zayn frowns. “You gonna elaborate?”

“It may not be a threat,” is what Niall says.

Liam sits up, head titled. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, it could be a threat, but some of the stuff we've attributed to Volia may have been another organization. But from what I've heard, I think Volia may not be a threat at all. I think it's sort of like a shield. Something to guard against the threat.”

Zayn stands, walking over to Niall. “Ignoring the fact that you're hearing this from an unreliable source, how can we be sure?”

“Demand a meeting with the leader?” Niall suggests.

“They could lie,” Liam points out. 

“Not to mention you don't know who the leader is for sure,” Harry pipes up, flipping through a magazine. 

“Harry's right.” 

“Yeah, didn't need to tell us, Lou,” Zayn says, turning to him. “We know.” 

“How would Keats fit into all this?” Liam inquires. “If Volia is trying to protect-.”

“I don't know,” Niall says. “Nothing about anything makes sense, but I did hear this last night.”

Zayn starts pacing, pushing Louis out of his way. “It could be a set-up.”

Louis agrees. If any of the people Niall was around last night recognized him they could have easily been feeding him false information to throw him off Volia and Keats scent. 

“I know it could be,” Niall says, slowly. “All I'm saying is we need to start coming up with a plan because if it was to throw us off it probably means Keats is about to make a move.”

**

Hours later, laptops and files spread out all over the place, Louis tosses his stuff to the floor beside him. “I need a break.”

“We all do, but we don't have time,” Zayn tells him, not looking up from the laptop.

“I think a ten minute break is okay, Zayn.”

Zayn looks up, blinking once. “Do you?”

“Yes.”

“I agree with Tommo,” Niall says, stretching. “My knee is killing me.”

Zayn purses his lips. “The more breaks we take-.”

“Fucking hell!” Liam yells. “I think I've figured it out!” He shuts his laptop suddenly and jumps up from the sofa. “I think Keats is trying to destroy the other organization.”

Liam starts toward the room Thomas is in and they all scramble up to follow him. Louis' the last one in the room, eyes falling on Thomas as Liam removes his gag.

“Who do you actually work for?”

Thomas licks his lips a couple of times before answering. “Not Keats,” he says. “And I'm a little insulted it took you this long to figure it out.”

Louis' only had a couple of dealings with Thomas, both involving guns, and Zayn's made sure Louis didn't have to keep watch at night since Liam brought him here. It's the first time Louis' hearing him speak. His voice isn't anything spectacular, but it does remind Louis that Thomas is a human and not some _thing_ tied up in one of the bedrooms.

“Who do you work for?”

“The good guys,” Thomas replies smugly. “I'm a member of PPE, People for the Protection of Earth.”

Louis snorts. “That's a terrible name.”

Thomas's eyes flick over to him. “I didn't come up with it. I just work there.”

“Right,” Zayn drags out. “So why did you shoot Louis and try to shoot me.”

“Believe me, if I tried to shoot you you'd be dead,” Thomas tells him. “And to answer the question, I was sent undercover to find the leader of Volia, which you're right about, by the way. It is Keats.”

“See, we could've sent someone.” 

“Shut up, Niall,” Zayn says. Then to Thomas, he asks, “Again I ask, why did you sho-.”

“I was _undercover_ ,” he says. “My job was to protect Keats. If I hadn't done something halfway convincing, Keats would've figured me out. Notice, it wasn't a lethal shot.”

“Nearly bled out,” Louis mutters.

Thomas looks at him, grimacing. “Sorry, but that wasn't my intention.” He turns back to Zayn. “And I didn't shoot you because I wanted to be caught. I didn't want to kill you like Keats ordered, but if I had just disappeared, he would have sent people after me.”

“Why didn't you tell us the truth when we caught you?”

“Would you have believed me?” When none of them answer, he says, “See. You wouldn't have. I was waiting for you to figure it out on your own.”

“I still don't believe you,” Louis says, perching on the side of the bed. 

“You don't have to, but we are both trying to stop Keats and Volia.”

“Okay, but why should we believe that?” 

“You have no reason to, but I _am_ telling the truth. Why do you think one of your agents tried to kill me?” 

Louis and Zayn share a look. If the agent had been working for Volia it would make sense if they found out Thomas was undercover, but still. They have no definitive proof. 

They don't have definitive proof of anything. 

“Alright, lets say we believe you,” Louis begins, running a hand done his face. “Why were you with my daughter at the charity ball?”

“I honestly didn't know who she was” Thomas says. “She's never been in any danger. Not from me, at least. Keats, maybe.” 

“How come we've never heard of PPE?” Liam inquires.

“Simple. We like to stay secret. That way people don't try to take us down.”

Liam sighs, places the gag back on Thomas and walks out of the room without another word. They follow after him, Louis' glance lingering on Thomas. He still doesn't trust him, but the things he said made more sense than some of the things they've come up with.

When he's back out with the others, he shuts the door and turns to them. “I don't trust him.”

“I don't either,” Liam agrees. “But some of that makes sense.”

“There is some truth to what he was saying,” Niall adds. “He could've killed both of you and that agent did try to kill him.”

Zayn lets a breath out. “We should see what we can find about the PPE or whatever it is. If there's nothing, he's probably lying.”

“Not necessarily,” Louis says, placing his hands on his hips. “If they do want to stay secret-.”

“There's still got to be something,” Zayn says to him. “I'm sure Liam can dig something up. And until we figure that out, let's keep Thomas locked up.”

“No issues there,” Louis quips. “He _did_ shoot me.”

“We still need to come up with a plan to stop Keats,” Niall points out. “It might come down to a showdown with him.” 

“Then one of us will face him,” Louis says. “But I honestly don't think it will come to that.” 

“You don't know that,” Zayn says darkly. Then he starts backing out of the hall, arms out and a wry smile. “He's wanted me dead for some time now.” 

When he's done talking, he turns and disappears out onto the balcony.

“He wants to get himself killed, doesn't he?” Niall asks wryly.

Louis turns to him. “Nah, he's just being melodramatic.”

“He's being something,” Liam says, walking back to the sofa.

Niall leans closer to him. “You know what he means, Louis.”

With that Niall walks away and Louis' left alone in small hall. “Yeah, I know,” he sighs to himself. “I know all too well.”


	7. But In The End It Doesn't Even Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, okay, so there is another chapter/epilogue, which I'm going to be posting very very soon. As in today. And I apologize in advance for how this chapter ends.

It seems the only place they can get privacy is the balcony, which is laughable in Louis' opinion. Anyone on any of the other balconies can come out and hear what they're talking about and there is always someone in the street below. It's hardly private, but it is more secluded than any place inside the flat. So it doesn't come as a surprise that he finds Zayn out there, leaning against the railing as he stares off into the distance.

Louis shuts the door quietly behind him, staying where he is, eyes on Zayn's back. They've known each other around twenty years and they're both good at lying and keeping their emotions in check, but that twenty years of friendship gives Louis a better look at Zayn. He knows when Zayn's hiding something, when he's lying, what he's thinking and when he doesn't want to talk about it.

He's known for a while that Zayn was keeping something from them, but he's not been able to figure it out. And he knows Zayn doesn't want to talk about Volia, Keats and the death threats. Louis definitely knows what he's thinking. It's all connected, he knows. The problem is he doesn't know how.

“If it comes down to it, let me deal with Keats,” he says, breaking the silence.

“Was wondering how long you were going to stand there creepily staring at me.”

Zayn turns his head as Louis comes to stand next to him, leaning on the railing like Zayn. “You're an attractive bastard, what can I say,” Louis shrugs. Zayn snorts, turning back to the street. “But I'm being serious. Let me deal with Keats.”

“No, Louis,” he replies, shaking his head. “Keats has an issue with me. It's my thing to deal with.”

Louis huffs out a breath, turning his whole body to face Zayn. “I'm saying let me do it.”

“And if you did, I'd make sure I was there,” Zayn says, meeting his eyes. “I'd gladly take a bullet for you. You have so much more in your life than I do. You have a family. And maybe things are shit with that, but it doesn't mean it always will be. My life means nothing compared to yours.” 

Louis' family really isn't his anymore. Harry's made it clear to Louis that they can't have a relationship. He understands it and Harry doesn't want to be with him so Louis won't push him. Claire won't even speak to him. They're better off with Ethan. He'll be okay with that eventually.

“All I've done is hurt the people I care about,” Louis reminds him, turning back to lean on the railing.

There's silence for a moment before Zayn says, “I sent you to Manchester on purpose.” 

“I know.” 

“No, you don't,” Zayn says forcefully. When Louis turns to him, quirking an eyebrow he adds, “I sent you there waiting to see what you would do. I wanted to know how much your family still mattered to you. I knew you made the wrong decision. I was hoping you'd desert us basically and stay with them.” 

“Gee, thanks mate,” Louis replies wryly, turning back to the street. “Glad to know you question my loyalty.” 

“I don't. That's why I hoped you'd seek out your family.” 

Louis turns back to him, eyes questioning. Zayn stays silent, eyes set on the dark, empty street below them. “Keats has been targeting me for a while,” Zayn says eventually.

It's not even close to what Louis had expected him to say. It's so far away from Louis and his family that he has no idea how to respond.

“I don't know why,” Zayn continues. “I'd never even met him.” He pauses, taking a breath and turning to Louis. “Remember that trip to Turkey I took?” When Louis nods, he says, “That was the first time he tried having me killed. Blew my car up when I was touring Ankara. Didn't realize it at the time, but it was him.”

“Thought you said nothing happened in Turkey?”

“I lied,” Zayn replies with a smirk. 

“Turkey was over a year ago,” Louis reasons. “He's been after you for a year?”

Zayn nods. “I didn't say anything because I didn't want you all to worry. It's why I wanted to question Keats on my own.”

“Did he tell you anything?”

Zayn shakes his head. “Nah, just said one of us would have to die.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “My point is, Lou, Keats is mine to deal with. Not yours.”

It's final, the way he says it and Louis wants to argue, but Zayn turns back to the street and Louis knows the conversation is over. Louis watches him a little longer before turning too. They stand in silence for a long time, watching the darkness.

**

“There's good news and bad news,” Liam says, walking into the flat. He crosses the room, dropping a file on the coffee table.

Zayn and Louis both look down at it, then back up at Liam. He sighs, running a hand down his face. “Where's Niall? I'm not going through this twice.”

“Niall!” Louis yells over his shoulder. “Liam's back and requests your presence!” 

“I could've done that,” Liam frowns.

A second later one of the bedroom doors open and close and Niall's walking through the flat, looking nonplussed, but like he's recently woken up.

“You've got some hair like....” Louis trails off, pointing to Niall's head. Niall only stares at him as he sits in the arm chair. “Okay.”

“The PPE does exist,” Liam starts, crossing his arms and looking down at them. “I don't have much information, but they've been around for a hell of a long time. They were, from what I can tell, an off-shoot of the United Nations or something like that.”

“The U.N.?” Zayn questions, brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Liam shrugs. “Like I said, I couldn't find much. Basically, the U.N. wasn't happy with how the countries protected themselves because none of those agencies protected more than their home country. They created the PPE to do just that. Protect everyone.”

“But the other agencies do deal with-.”

“I know,” Liam says, cutting Louis' response of. “But those agencies have evolved over the years. The U.N. kept the PPE quiet. Only a select few knew about them, but as more and more agencies started popping up, the PPE sort of went underground and now even less know of their existence.”

“This sounds shady as fuck,” Niall mutters, sinking further into the chair and closing his eyes.

Louis nods. “I agree. I'm still not sure we should trust this. You said yourself you weren't able to find out much.”

“But this is what I did find,” Liam says, motioning down to the folder. “It looks like Thomas was telling the truth.”

“About the PPE, maybe, but we still don't have a way to prove he's a member.”

“Louis' right,” Zayn says, standing and walking toward Liam. “Did you happen to dig up a name for a director of some sort?”

Liam shakes his head. “Unfortunately, no. But if Thomas is telling the truth we should be able to find out.”

“There is always a chance he wouldn't tell us even if he were,” Niall points out. “You know had paranoid people can get.”

“That's true, but it doesn't hurt to ask.”

**

Liam and Zayn have been questioning Thomas all day, something Louis isn't a part of and didn't care enough about to try to be a part of. Niall's gone out on a supply run and Claire still isn't talking to him, spending most of her time in Zayn's room, so Louis' been sitting in the main room pretending to be working for the last two hours.

Harry had gone out on the balcony sometime ago, taking his phone with him. It had taken him a while, but he finally called. Louis suspected who it was as soon as he saw Harry pull the phone out of his pocket and take a deep breath, but his suspicions were confirmed when Harry started speaking.

And it's not like he's eavesdropping. Harry left the balcony door cracked open and his voice is filtering in, muffled and slow, but if Louis concentrates hard enough he can hear every word he says. Up until now it had been small talk, but the conversation seems to be taking a more serious turn.

“Yeah, no. Look, I told you its complicated,” Harry's saying. There's a pause. Louis assumes Ethan's saying something and wishes he could hear that was well. “I can't just tell him to fuck off,” Harry says exasperated. “I did have a life with him once, you know.”

There's another pause and Louis can see Harry's shoulder rise and fall with every breath he takes. “Well, yes, I understand that. I thought he was dead, though. And as it turns out I think he had a pretty decent reason for what he did.”

Harry stops, running a hand through his hair. “Well, I don't expect you to. But just so you know, I won't ever stop loving him. With that being said, I can''t be with him.”

Louis shouldn't be listening to this, but it's something he already knows. And maybe hearing again will help him move on once this is all over.

“Yeah, of course, I told him,” Harry says softly.

He stops listening after that, allowing Harry's voice to be barely heard background noise as he actually tries to do some work. And he manages to, in between the thoughts on his visit with Ethan. He's a good guy and deserves Harry more than Louis ever did.

And he hopes that in the future Ethan and Harry manage to fix the problems Louis caused and can have the life they're meant to have. Harry deserves to have a good life. He's been through a lot, most of it Louis' fault, and Claire deserves better than what Louis can give her at this point. They both need someone in their life that isn't Louis, someone that won't put them in danger and genuinely cares for them.

Ethan is that guy.

He hears the balcony door slide open and close. Glancing up from his laptop, he sees Harry walk over to the fridge. He pulls out a bottle of water and drinks half of it one go. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he sets the bottle on the counter.

“He's a decent bloke,” Louis says, looking back at his laptop. “He cares about Claire. And its obvious he cares about you.” 

“Louis, don't,” Harry warns.

Louis shuts his laptop, setting on the coffee table. Standing, he says, “I'm not doing anything, Harry. Just telling you, that if I ever had to choose someone for you, knowing what I know about him, I'd say Ethan is okay.”

He doesn't give Harry a chance to respond before he walks into the small hallway. Liam and Zayn have been with Thomas for too long without giving him an update and he can't handle being in the same room with Harry right now. But before he gets to Niall's room, he stops abruptly when he sees Claire standing in front of him with her arms crossed.

“You can't just let him do that,” she spits out. Then more softly, she adds, “He loves you.”

He understands how hard this must be for her, but he's not in the mood. It may be childish, but she's been refusing to talk to him for days. He's not feeling inclined to talk to her. And he's sure that even if he did try to explain it to her she wouldn't understand, whether it's because she's still so young or because she doesn't know what it's like being in a relationship, let alone a relationship like the one he's had with Harry.

“He loves me differently than he should for a relationship, Claire,” he says tiredly.

“That's not true,” she fires back. “You just feel guilty for all the shit you've put him through.” 

That hits a little too close to home. “And you're a child and should stop talking about things that don't concern you,” he throws back, spinning on his heel and heading back toward the living area.

He still hears her say, “It does concern me, though. Everything the both of you do affects me.” 

He continues walking away. They don't need him and they'll be okay without him. She'll understand that at some point and come to terms with it just like he has, like Harry has. 

Harry's still at the counter when he comes back through, cocking a questioning eyebrow. There's no doubt he heard, but Louis' not in the mood to discuss anything right now.

“Not right now,” he says, opening the balcony door. “Just not right now,” he sighs.

“Okay,” Harry agrees easily enough from behind him as Louis goes out the door.

**

Liam eventually came out and told Louis that Thomas swears that the PPE is run by several people. “A committee, if you will,” Liam had clarified. No one person has the ability to make the decisions, it's voted on. He'd given them a list of names of who he knows it on the committee. According to him, some stay anonymous to anyone outside of the committee for personal and safety reasons.

Liam says he's going to look into the list of names Thomas gave him and Zayn's still questioning Thomas about any information he might have on Keats. Niall had come back sometime ago with the supplies and had immediately gone into the room with Zayn and Thomas. Liam was working at the kitchen table and Claire had decided she wanted to stay in the main area of the flat, so Louis had gone into Zayn's room.

He's not done much, but stare up at the ceiling from where he's sprawled out on the bed. He's even managed to not think too much, has let time pass without doing _anything_. He's been left alone for hours so it comes to a bit of a surprise when there's a knock at the door.

He sits up fast, feet perched on the floor, hands gripping the side of the mattress. When the door opens he's expecting it to be Harry or Claire, but it's Niall. He sticks his head through the opening. “Uh, Lou. Claire wants to go out. Says she's been cooped up here for too long and I don't blame her, so I'm going to take her out.” 

“Why aren't you telling Harry?” 

“I did. But I'm telling you, too.”

“Oh, okay,” he nods. “Fine.”

Niall watches him with concerned eyes for a moment before nodding. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright,” he drags out. “We'll be back later.”

As soon as Niall shuts the door, Louis falls back onto the mattress and continues staring at the ceiling.

**

Harry, as it turns out, was more apprehensive with Claire going with Niall than anyone had been led to believe. When Niall had told Louis he was taking Claire, Louis was okay with it because he thought Harry had given his consent. Harry had, apparently, but he's not acting like it. They've been gone around two hours and Harry's taken up pacing through the flat. It's driving Louis up the wall, but Harry's worry isn't unfounded.

Anything could happen. Louis trusts Niall, otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to let Claire go with him, but _things happen_. While Harry's pacing is annoying, it's still nice to know that they're both worried about Claire's safety.

“They've been gone for too long,” Harry says. “Did he say where they were going?” 

“Do you not trust Niall?” 

“No, I trust him fine,” Harry answers, taking a break from his pacing to stare down at Louis. “It's Claire I don't trust.” 

Oh, so they aren't worried about the same things then.

“Why?” 

“She's a teen,” Harry answers distractedly. “Anyway, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.” 

“There's definitely nothing to worry about,” Zayn chimes in as he's walking into the room. “Niall knows what he's doing.

Just then, the door is flung open and Claire flies through. Louis sits up in his chair, noticing that Niall isn't with her. The second thing he notices is that hair is a mess, her coat is ripped and there's a trail of blood flowing down her face. 

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Liam tense up. Zayn stops walking and Harry spins on his heel, eyes widening when he sees her. 

“Claire, what in the hell?” he demands. 

Louis pushes himself up quickly, taking several steps toward her, but stopping when he remembers that she's not been the most receptive to him recently.

“Where's Niall?” Liam asks hesitantly when she doesn't answer Harry's question.

Claire turns to Liam. Breathing heavily, she says, “They took him.”

There's a collective groan when she says it and Louis blanches wondering what that means for Niall and what the hell happened. 

Zayn turns to him, “Well, start worrying,” he says dryly before walking into the bathroom.

Harry walks over to Claire, wrapping an arm around her and guiding her to the sofa. “Claire, honey, we need to know what happened,” he says, sitting her down and perching beside her. Liam scoots over as far as he can on the sofa, giving them more room.

Zayn comes out of the bathroom, towel in hand, handing it to Harry as he sits on the coffee table facing them. “Claire, we need you to tell us what happened. Please?”

She nods as Harry wipes the blood from her face. “I don't really know,” she starts. “Everything was fine, but I noticed he was starting to get a bit twitchy and not really like listening to what I was saying.”

“He knew they were being followed,” Louis mutters. “Damn it, Niall.”

“It's not his fault,” Liam argues. 

“I'm not saying it was, but he should have let us know. We could've helped.”

“I don't think so,” Claire says. “We weren't close to here and we were going in the opposite direction.”

Liam lets out a deep breath. “The deal was if we thought we were being followed not to come back here.”

“Ah, but the deal didn't say anything about what to do if Claire were involved,” Louis points out.

“It'd be the same, regardless,” Liam says. 

“It doesn't matter,” Zayn pipes up, sending them both looks.

Louis sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, you're right. It doesn't.” He turns to Claire. “What happened? Why were you bleeding?”

“Right as I noticed something was wrong, someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me into an alley,” she tells him. “I tried fighting back, but I couldn't. Then Niall was there. He managed to get the guy off me, but then three more showed up. There was a of fighting, but-.”

She cuts off, looking at the floor. Harry rubs her back soothingly. “It's okay. Take your time.”

There's a part of Louis that wants to say they don't have time, but this is also Claire. She's obviously shaken up and needs time and he's willing to give her anything she wants right now.

“They were going to kill him,” she continues, sniffling. “I heard them say it. They were going to kill him and take me, but he must've heard them too because he started begging for them to take him instead and let me go.” She finally looks up from the floor as a tear trickles down her face. “It took a while, but he convinced them. I was told to deliver a message.”

She pauses, turning to Zayn. “Keats wants you. Just you.”

Zayn sighs, standing up and walking to the other side of the room. “I wish I knew why he had it out for me.”

“It probably _is_ because you're after him,” Liam points out. “I think he's scared of you.”

“The son of a bitch came after Claire and has Niall,” Harry says. “It doesn't matter why.”

“Harry's right,” Liam agrees.

“And you're not going alone,” Louis adds to Zayn.

Zayn shakes his head. “I didn't expect you to let me, but I do have to say I think this – whatever we come up with – will be a bad idea.” He turns to the fridge and pulls out a water.

“Most likely,” Louis agrees. “But we've got to get Niall and there's no way Keats is going to let Niall walk out of there even if you do show up on your own.”

Crossing the room, Zayn hands Claire the water, which she accepts with a strained smile. “Obviously you and Liam will have to sneak in.”

“Do we even know where they're at?” Liam questions. “We can't sneak in if we don't know where we're sneaking into.”

“The warehouse,” Claire speaks up. “That's where they are.”

Louis sighs. “Of course, it is.” He crosses his arms, tilting his head toward Zayn. “He's got a lot of people in there. It'll be difficult getting through with just the three of us.”

“The two of you,” Zayn corrects. “I'll go in through the front like he wants.”

“Okay,” Louis drags out. “Then it'll be even more difficult. Wish we had more people with us.”

There's a pause before Harry says, “I can help.”

“No,” Louis says immediately, shaking his head. “No way.”

Harry cocks an eyebrow. “I think you know I can take care of myself,” he argues. “I can shoot a gun and I'll stay with you if it makes you feel better, but you need the help and you know it.”

“Why do you even want to help?”

“Niall's my friend and he saved Claire.”

Louis makes eye contact with Zayn. They're both thinking the same thing. Having Harry tag along could hinder them, but he is a decent shot and they do need the help. 

“Okay,” Louis sighs. “But if I tell you to run, you run. You got that?” he asks, pointing at Harry.

Harry looks unimpressed. “Yes.”

“Liam, you got the blueprints?”

Liam glances up from his laptop, frowning. “Well, since there's no record of this place even existing, no.”

“So you're just going to wing it?” Harry asks.

“Seems like it,” Zayn answers.

“Wait,” Claire says. “I don't want to stay here by myself. I'm coming with you.”

“No,” Louis and Harry both say. “It's too dangerous,” Louis adds. “I'm not letting you go.”

“But they've got Niall because of me,” she says, standing. “And they had to know we were out somehow. They probably already know where this place is. What's to say that after you all leave they won't show up here?”

She's got a point and they all know it, but Louis does not want her anywhere near that warehouse or Keats. He can't watch her and Harry both at the same time, while trying to save Niall and not die himself. It's just not possible. It can't end well.

“I'll just sneak out and follow,” she adds.

Harry stands. “She picked that up from you,” he says on his way past Louis.

“You're both liabilities, you know?” he says to them. “Both too stubborn for your own good.”

“Does that mean I can go?”

“Oh sure, why not? Let's get us all killed.”

Zayn claps, rubbing his hands together. “We can plan on the way there, then.”

They all start moving, gathering what they need and muttering to themselves. It's not until they're about to walk out the door that Liam stops them.

“Wait,” he says. “What about Thomas? If he was telling the truth we could always use his help.”

Zayn stops in the doorway, sighing and turning to Liam. “He could be, yeah. But I still don't trust him. He could turn on us at any moment. I'm not risking it.”

Liam nods, satisfied with that answer and pushes past Zayn out the door. Zayn follows, Harry behind him and as Claire starts to walk out, Louis stops her with a hand on her elbow. 

When she turns to him with a questioning look, he asks, “You sure about this?”

“Are you?”

“No.”

“Neither am I,” she shrugs. 

“We can find some place for you to stay,” he tells her. “Like a hotel or something. I-.”

“I was serious when I said I'd follow. I want to help.”

He watches her intently for a moment before nodding. “Okay. I'm not happy with this, but okay.”

He lets go of her arm and she starts to walk out, but stops, turning to him quickly and throwing her arms around him. He's so shocked by the hug that she pulls away and is down the hall before he even realizes what's happened.

**

“I don't know why he took all that with him,” Liam comments, watching as Zayn disappears into the night. “It's not like they're going to let him waltz up to Keats armed.”

Louis glances over to where Zayn disappeared off to. “He's got a plan,” he says, turning back to the gun he's loading. 

“Wish he would've shared it with us,” Liam mutters, grabbing a couple of knives and hiding them. “Is that Niall's holster?” he asks, glancing to Louis' chest.

Louis looks down, then back up. “Yup. Figured Niall'd want it when we save his arse.”

“Looks good on you,” Liam says impressed. “Should've got one years ago.”

“Thanks, mate. I'll keep that in mind.” He sticks the two guns in the holster and grabs his own two off the hood of the car, sticking one in his waistband at his back and the other near his front.

“You kind of look a bit like Brendan Fraser when he was in The Mummy.”

Snorting, Louis grabs his jacket and pulls it on. “Yeah, okay.”

“I'm serious. You do.”

He grabs the knives and two smoke bombs from the bag and hides them inside his jacket. “Well, if they ever do a remake I'll take his part.”

“You two are ridiculous,” Harry comments from the other side of the car.

“It's how we cope,” Louis tells him grabbing a rifle.

Claire comes up behind him, looking over his shoulder. “Where did all this come from?”

“Niall,” Liam answers. “It's all his, with a couple of exceptions.”

“Why's he have it?”

Louis' eyes flick over to Liam, then he turns to Claire. “He used to be a hitman. He's not proud of it, but he was. Most of this is left over from that.”

Claire only nods, staring at what's left in the bag – a couple of handguns, another rifle, two fixed blade daggers and a grenade. “Do I not get something?”

Raising his eyebrows, Louis looks to Harry, who only motions for him to deal with it. He sighs, picking up one of the daggers. “Take this,” he says, handing it to her. He also grabs one of the covers for it. “Keep that on it,” he adds, handing it over as well. “And-.” He grabs one of the hand guns, loads it quickly and then holds it out to her. As she takes it hesitantly he says, “Take this, but don't use it unless you absolutely have to. Don't point it at someone unless you're going to use it. We don't have time for a full lesson, so here's what you need to know.”

He rattles off the basics, pulling out his own and showing her, making sure to emphasis that she shouldn't use it unless she has to. “And make sure when you aim, you hold steady and squeeze the trigger, like this.”

Without looking, he aims toward one of the trees off in the distance and shoots. “Of course, you'll want to look and squeeze, don't pull.”

She nods, looking down at the gun in her hand. He puts his gun back in his waistband and walks closer to her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he says, “Claire, you'll be okay. And we'll do our best to make sure you don't have to use it. But if you do, just remember what I said.”

“Squeeze, don't pull,” she repeats, nodding slightly. 

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Then let's go.”

Liam grabs the bag and throws it into the back of the car, shutting the door an catching up with him. “You didn't have a silencer on that,” he points out. “They could probably hear that.”

“I know,” Louis says.

“You wanted them to hear?”

“Yes,” Louis admits. “They'll send a couple guys out here, find the car and know we're coming.”

“What's the point in that? Won't that just be bad for Zayn? And us since they'll know we're there?”

“Oh, I'm counting on it. But I'll be in there by the time they find the car and Zayn knows what he's doing.”

Liam sighs. “Alright, then.”

They walk in silence for a long time, slowing as the warehouse comes into view. Louis lets them get a bit closer, before holding out a hand to stop them. 

Turning to them he says, “I've got a plan and all I need to know is that you all trust me.”

“Of course,” Liam says, Harry and Claire nodding along.

“Okay.” He takes a breath, looking over his shoulder. “We have no idea who's in there or how many people there actually are. Liam, here's what I want you to do. Find the power source. There's a way they're lighting this building and I need you to stop it.”

Liam's brow furrows. “You want us to fight in the dark?”

“No, you're not going to be fighting. Not really,” he explains. “I want you to find the power source and shut it down. The power outage is Zayn's sign that we're there and it'll buy him a couple of minutes to get out of whatever shit he's gotten himself in. As soon as you cut the power, get out of there because you know they're going to come looking.”

“So what are you doing?”

“I'm going to make myself known,” he says. “I'm going to draw the attention to myself so you can do what I need you to do. Then I'm going to find Niall and Zayn. Harry's with me.” He turns to Harry. “But understand that when I tell you to get out, you get out.”

Harry nods an Louis turns to Liam. “Liam, take Claire. Make sure she stays close to you and if things get too out of hand get her out.” 

Liam nods and jerks his head, motioning for her to follow. She doesn't look particularly happy to be split from him and Harry, but what Liam's doing is less dangerous than what Louis' about to do. It's bad enough he's dragging Harry into it. He doesn't need Claire as a distraction either.

“You think this is going to work?” Harry asks as they near the building.

“No idea,” Louis admits.

Neither of them say anything else as they approach the door. It opens for Louis without a problem. He motions for Harry to stay there and then goes in. The door shuts behind him and he's met with two guards. They freeze when they see him, obviously confused, but it gives Louis enough time to grab his handgun and shoot the one on the left.

He goes down and the other guard starts to grab his gun, but Louis takes him out just as easily. Once he's down, he goes to the end of the corridor and checks to see if there's anyone else. There isn't so he goes back to the door and lets Harry in.

Louis doesn't say anything as he walks back to the corridor, barely sparing a glance for the two guards. Harry follows after him, silently.

They make it halfway down the corridor, Louis checking the two rooms, before Harry starts speaking. “So, what are your plans when we get done here?”

“No idea.”

“You do have some,” Harry pushes. “I know you do. You always have a plan.”

Louis sighs. It's now or never really. He'd made his mind up a while back, but he knows how difficult it's going to be. And Claire's mood swings aren't making things better. 

“Louis, what are you going to do?”

“I think I'm-. I'm going to stay away, I think,” he admits. “I can't stop what I'm doing. It's far too important. And all I've ever done is put you and Claire in danger. You're both better off without me.”

There's a part of him – the hopeful part – that expects Harry to put up a fight, but the bigger, more realistic part knows he won't because Harry knows too. He knows exactly why Louis' doing what he's doing. “I'll give you and Claire a way to reach me if something should ever happens,” he continues. “But it'd be for the better if we went our separate ways and lived our lives the way we have been for the last several years.”

“Claire's not going to like this,” Harry says after some time.

“She's not going to understand,” Louis points out. “If she understood, she'd be fine.”

Harry stops, turning to him and shaking his head. “No she wouldn't. Yeah, she's angry with you now, but she still loves you. She'll still want you in her life.”

Over Harry's shoulder, Louis sees a guard round the corner. He lifts his gun and fires, hitting the guard in the chest. Harry spins on his heel just in time to see the guard grab at his wound and sink to his knees. 

“Yeah, well we have to make it out of this first,” he says, walking around Harry to the guard. He kicks the guy in the head, knocking him. He lands slumped against the wall, bleeding out. “So I need you to stay close to me and preferably behind.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “There's a joke in there somewhere.”

“Yes, but lets' refrain from making it.”

Smirking, Harry walks up to him, making a sweeping gesture with his hands for Louis to continue on. Louis sighs, starting toward the other hall. There's two turn off's at the end of this one and Louis can hear the sound of several people running down one.

“Alright, here we go,” he mumbles, pulling his other gun out from his waistband just as four guards turn the corner.

He shoots two of them right away, Harry getting one as well, but the fourth hides behind the corner. Louis, with his back to the wall, scoots closer to the corner. The guard sticks his head around and Louis' able to reach out and grab him, knocking his head into the wall a couple of times.

When he goes limp in Louis' arms, he lets go, letting him fall to the floor. “Okay, come on,” he says, waving Harry forward.

He goes down the hallway on the right. There's several rooms, all of which Louis looks in.

“Don't you think Niall will be with Keats and Zayn?” Harry asks, standing outside a door as Louis comes out.

“Sure, but I'm not looking for Niall,” he says, going down the hall.

“Then what are you looking for?” Harry inquires, following after him. “What are you doing?”

“You'll see,” he answers because the truth is he's not really looking for anything. He's looking for nothing, but he doesn't have time to explain what he's planning on doing, so Harry will have to accept that.

The end of the hallway turns to the left and he stops near the corner. “This is more like a factory than a warehouse,” he mutters, checking his guns. He's got three bullets in one and four in the other. He takes a deep breath and turns the corner, both guns aimed.

He stops because the hall goes a little ways before opening up into a big room. He can hear voices and one sounds a lot like Zayn. The is not where he wanted to be, he thinks, but he can do something.

He darts back to Harry and kneels down, setting his guns on the floor and pulling out the smoke bombs. “What are you doing?” Harry asks again.

“Trust me,” Louis tells him, looking up. “There is a plan.”

He stands up and goes back to the other side and waits. “Come on, Liam,” he mutters.

A second later the power goes out and Louis detonates the smoke bombs throwing them in the room. Immediately after, he turns around the corner, grabs his gun and starts back the way he came. The emergency lights come on and Harry's following wordlessly.

He continues on going back to where the original hall split into two, this time going down the left corridor. There's no doors in seeing distance, which is good and if he remembers correctly from the walk to the building this is the part that's only one story. Liam and Claire went in from a different way and are hopefully in a different part of the building. This is as good a place as any, he supposes.

He stops half way done the hall, putting his guns in his waistband. Harry's standing behind him, watching silently as Louis reaches into his jacket.

“You're going to want to run,” he says, looking over his shoulder.

Harry doesn't have time to question him before Louis pulls out the grenade he'd taken. He pulls the ring and throws it to the other end of the hall, simultaneously turning, grabbing Harry's hand and running. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Harry yells.

“Just run!”

They get far enough away that when the grenade goes off they're only knocked over. Louis' ears ring a bit as he hits the ground and debris flies around them. As soon as he can, he gets up and helps pull Harry up. 

“Are you insane?” Harry screams at him.

“No,” Louis answers seriously as the actual power comes back on. “I'm creating a distraction. They're going to come check this out, which means Liam can get Claire out without too much of a fuss.”

Harry snaps his mouth shut, cutting off his reply, then frowns. “How do you know that didn't affect them?”

Shrugging, Louis tells him, “I guessed, but I'm sure they were on a different side of the building.”

“You didn-.”

Harry's cut off when they hear yelling and the sound of people running their way. “See?” he says, turning toward the sounds.

Six guards turn the corner. From Louis' count only two of them are armed, so he runs at them, pulling a knife out of his jacket. His knife skills aren't as good as his shooting ability, but he's limited on the amount of bullets he has and no idea how many people are here. He's willing to fight with the knife for a while.

One of the guards comes at him, swinging at his face, but Louis' dodges it, swiping the knife and cutting him across the chest. He kicks another guard in the chest and stabs the first guard in neck. He leaves the knife there as he sinks to the ground, trying to stop the bleeding.

The two armed guards are shooting at Harry, who's hiding around the corner. Harry's only got the one gun and is probably down to a couple couple of bullets, so Louis, while dodging hits, pulls out one of his guns and shoots one of the armed guards in the head. It takes to shots in the other guards chest to get him down.

He's out of bullets in that gun, so he tosses it on the ground and focuses his attention on the other three guards. It takes him some time, but he manages to break one of their necks. 

Pulling out his other knife, he turns to the remaining two guards. They both lunge for him, but he dodges, pushing one into the other. He aims a kick to a head and an elbow to the back of the neck and the guard goes down. 

The last guard comes at him and Louis goes to jump out of the way, but he trips and the guard wraps his arms around his neck and squeezes. Louis gasps for breath, struggling to get free before he remembers the knife in his hand. With all the force he can muster, he stabs the man in the thigh. He yelps in pain, releasing Louis.

Louis spins, kicking the guy in the chest. He hits the wall and Louis runs up to him, hitting him square in the jaw twice before grabbing his head and pulling forcefully pulling it down as he knees up. The guy goes limp and Louis lets go, letting him fall to the ground.

Letting out a breath, Louis leans over, bracing himself on his knees. 

“You've learned a few things,” Harry says from behind.

“Yeah, well,” Louis starts, bending over to pull the knife out of the guards thigh. “You learn some things when you go undercover for a year in Bahrain.” He wipes the blood off the knife on his thigh. “And other places,” he adds.

“Right,” Harry says, sounding unimpressed. “So what now?”

“Now, we go save Zayn and Niall.”

On the way to the room he'd seen earlier, he takes out another seven guards with minimal effort. Only once did he have to use his gun. He's not particularly happy about it because he wanted to save his bullets for this part of the night. 

He's hoping they were right in guessing the shipments Keats was getting were weapons. If they manage to find them, they can use them and Louis won't have to worry about conserving bullets. Of course, he's still got the shot gun – rather Harry has it since Louis told him to hold it – but that's only seven shots and he'd prefer to use that from high up.

Once they get to the hall that leads to the room, Louis stops, motioning for Harry to do the same. “Hand me that,” he says. Harry hands him the rifle and he puts it on across his back. “Alright. If things are too bad, get out.”

“What about Claire?” he asks.

“Liam's got her.” Louis turns to him. “She'll be okay.”

Harry nods and Louis turns back to the room, starting slowly toward it. He can see the smoke from the smoke bombs is almost gone and there's a lot of gun fire and shouting. When he's inside the room, he sees Keats and Zayn shooting at each from opposite sides of the room. There's about four guards with Keats also shooting at Zayn, but everyone is aiming up.

He turns his attention up to the walkway and sees Liam up there, shooting down at the guards. His eyes slide over and he sees Claire, hiding behind a crate.

“Liam,” he growls, spotting stairs that lead up there.

He runs toward them, Harry on his heels, and makes it to them. “Why is she here?” Louis demands, startling Liam as he drops down beside him, his back to the half-wall there. Harry drops to his knees behind the box, pulling Claire to him. 

“Sorry, Louis, but the only way to get out was through here after you blew up the building,” Liam replies between shots. “And I had no idea where it even went. But she's fine. You can't be too mad.”

Louis shoots him a glare. 

“Every time we take one down another appears. It's insane,” Liam says.

“Where's Niall?”

“Down there,” Liam answers, pointing. “I've not been able to get down there to him and Zayn's been a bit busy.”

Louis glances over the wall, looking to where Liam's pointing. Niall's tied to a chair, duct tape over his mouth, and eyes wide in anger and fear every time a stray bullet comes close to him. He looks bruised and bloodied, but he's alive and Louis lets out a sigh of relief.

He takes the rifle off, handing it Liam. “Cover me,” he tells him, starting for the stairs. As he descends, he hears Claire demanding to know where he's going.

The guards notice him once he's back on the floor and start shooting. The bullets nearly miss him and Liam takes a couple of guards out. 

As he's running toward Niall, he notices crates off to Niall's sides, so Louis changes the directions he's running so he's coming at Niall from the side. The closer he gets to Niall, the harder runs. When he's right at Niall, Niall turns his head, eyes widening when he sees Louis not stopping. He starts shaking his head frantically, but Louis doesn't stop, crashing into him and sliding them both across the floor behind the crates.

Bullets hit the crates, wood splintering off, as Louis slides off Niall and into the floor. He clutches at his stomach, writhing on the floor for a minute. “Ow, ow, ow. That hurt,” he rattles off, pushing himself up.

“Sorry, Neil.” Niall's laying on his side in the chair, glaring up at him. The position he's in looks painful, so Louis pulls the chair and Niall upright before pulling the duct tape off. 

Niall yelps, wincing. “It's about damn time,” he manages to spit out, though. “Was wondering when someone was going to help me.”

“Sorry, mate, but we're a bit outnumbered,” he replies, walking behind Niall to untie him.

“Hey, was that Harry I saw?”

“Sure was. Claire's here too,” he answers, freeing Niall's wrists.

“Why the hell would you bring her?” Niall demands, jumping up and spinning around to face him. 

Louis shakes his head. “Long story, don't have time.” 

When he shrugs off his jacket, Niall's eyes land on his holster. “Is that mine?” he inquires, crossing his arms.

“Yeah,” Louis says, taking it off as well. “Figured you'd want it,” he adds, handing it over.

Niall lights up. “I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, let's not get too sappy,” Louis says, peeking around the crates as Niall puts the holster on.

“I'm assuming these weapons you lads have are all mine? The smoke bombs and the grenade?”

He's lost sight of Zayn and Keats, but he can hear Zayn shouting so he's not too worried. “Sure are. We needed them to save your Irish arse.” Liam's no longer on the walkway, but on the stairs using his hand guns as he walks down them. He must've run out of bullets in the rifles, he thinks, turning back to Niall.

As soon as he turns Niall's pulling him into a hug. Louis' stiff for a second before he hugs Niall back, patting him on the back a couple of times. “What's this for?”

Niall shrugs before pulling away. “Just felt like it.”

“Okay,” Louis says slowly.

Several bullets hit the other side of the crate, which reminds Louis that they need to move. “Niall, do you know what's in these crates?”

Niall shakes his head. “But the crates on the other side have the weapons.”

“Right, so objective is to get to those crates and get the weapons without being shot.”

“How many bullets do you have in that gun?”

“Four?”

“This is gonna be difficult,” Niall says before casually walking out from behind the crate. Louis hears him start firing his gun.

Louis goes out on the opposite side and no one seems to notice him yet, but he does see Zayn and Keats just as Keats shoots Zayn in the shoulder. Zayn yells out, firing back. One of the bullets manages to his Keats in the knee and he falls behind a stack of crates. Zayn goes after him and out of Louis' sight.

A bullet hits the wall beside his head and he pulls out his gun and shoots the nearest guard. It was bad idea because all that did was draw attention to himself and several of the men start shooting at him and he has to duck behind the same crates he and Niall were behind earlier.

He reaches out and manages to shoot another guard. He shoots a second guard and retreats. He's only got one bullet left and there's no way he can get to the to the crates right now. He's got have a plan. He needs a plan. There is some way out of this that he isn't seeing.

Claire screaming gets Louis' attention and he jumps out from behind the crate. One of the guards is pulling her down the stairs by her hair. She's trying to fight him off, but he's twice her size and she can't do it. Once he's got her off the stairs, he turns to her, but a body comes out of no where, crashing into him and pulling him to the floor.

Louis has never loved Niall more than he does right now as Claire scrambles away. She ducks under the stairs and Louis sighs, ducking back behind the crates.

“Louis.”

“Ah!” Louis yells, spinning around. When he sees it's Zayn, he grabs at his chest, breathing heavily. “Jesus fucking Christ!”

“Sorry, thought you saw me come over.”

“I was a bit preoccupied with Claire,” he grits out. “What happened with Keats?” he asks, eyes landing on where Zayn's clutching at his shoulder.

Zayn shrugs. “He was like a second from death when I walked away, so.” That's good, amazing, really, but they're still stuck with all these guards. “The smoke bombs you?” When Louis nods, he adds, “I assume the big explosion was you as well?”

“You know it.”

“I've got to get Claire and Harry out of here.”

Nodding, Zayn says, “I'll cover you.”

They both come out from behind the crate, Zayn firing and Louis running toward the stairs. He's almost there when someone steps in front of him. He's not armed, but Louis' only got one bullet left. He has to make a decision here, but thinking about it for too long isn't-.

Someone shoots him in the head and he drops to the ground. Louis looks around to see Zayn on the other side of room, smirking at him. Louis gives a salute at him and turns back to Claire. She's out from the stairs now, facing him.

As he goes toward her, he starts, “Where's-.”

He cuts himself off because he notices the man behind Claire pointing his gun at her. She has no idea he's there and he's aiming for the back of her head. This man is going to kill if Louis doesn't do something fast.

All at once everything slows, the fighting, the yelling, Louis himself as he rushes to Claire and pushes her to the side. She hits the ground, but he can't check to make sure she's alright. He raises his gun and squeezes the trigger, waits for the bullet to make contact with the man's body, but nothing happens.

He squeezes the trigger again and again, realizing that he must have miscounted earlier. He's out of bullets. Eyes widening, he stares at the man, who's smiling manically as he squeezes the trigger. There's the sound of a gun going off and the man drops his gun, falling to the floor.

For a brief second Louis thinks everything is fine as Zayn comes into view, but then Zayn's eyes widen in horror and Louis feels a sharp pain in his abdomen immediately. Everything is still happening in slow motion as his gun falls to the ground.

Off in the distance he hears Liam yelling his name. Dropping to his knees, he grips at his stomach, feeling the blood seep through his fingers. There's so much. He barely registers what's going on around him as his body is giving out, falling to the ground completely, but he doesn't hit it because someone's arms are wrapping around him, lowering him to the ground slowly.

Time speeds up to a normal pace as he hears Harry muttering to him as he pulls Louis into his lap before his head can hit the ground. Louis looks up at him, sees the tears in Harry's eyes and the frantic way he's calling for Niall and he knows it's bad. He's been shot before, but this is worse somehow. 

The pain has never been this bad before and he can't breath properly, having to take gasping breaths. It feels like his lungs are filling up with water like he's drowning. The bullet must have punctured his lung. He's going to drown in his own blood, he thinks briefly before he hears Harry again.

“Come on, Lou, stay with me,” Harry's saying as Louis focuses on his voice. “You have to stay with me.” 

Claire comes into view then, kneeling beside him, tears pouring out of her eyes. Louis can barely keep his eyes open to look at her. He can't even breath without a sharp pain coursing through him. “Dad?” she whimpers, leaning closer to him.

“I'm okay, Claire,” he manages to choke out, reaching for her. He takes her hand, squeezing. He's aware he's getting blood all over her and Harry, but in this moment he doesn't care. “You'll be fine,” he tries to say, but he ends up gasping at the end.

“I love you.” 

Despite the pain, despite what's obviously happening to him, he manages to smile. “I love you, too.” 

“Don't act like you're dying,” Harry demands, sniffling. “You're not going to.” 

Breathing is getting harder and Louis wants to tell Harry that it's going to be fine, that he made his peace with death a long time. He still doesn't _want_ to die and he doesn't particularly like that Harry and Claire are here to see this, but he's okay with death.

He just wishes he could explain that to Harry.

“Harry,” he hears Niall say from the side as Harry tightens his grip on Louis. 

With half-lidded eyes Louis looks over to him as Zayn comes over. “Get out of the damn way,” he orders, pushing Niall away and dropping to his knees. “I told you to be careful, you son of a bitch.” 

Louis doesn't see him, but he hears Liam. “Zayn, come on, mate.” 

“It was supposed to be me! I told you your life was more than mine!” 

“Zayn!”

Louis' half-opened eyes are focused on Harry now, but he thinks from the scuffling he hears that Liam is dragging Zayn away. “Harry,” he starts, but Harry shushes him, pushing Louis' hair away from his face. 

“You're fine, Louis. You're fine.” 

It'd almost be convincing if Harry didn't sob right after. “No,” Louis breathes out. “I'm sorry. I hurt you a lot and I-.” 

“I forgive you,” Harry rushes out, a single tear falling from his face onto Louis' cheek. “Just don't say anymore, okay? I forgive you and I love you and that's all that matters right now.” 

The pain is so much now that he barely feels it at all, but he's having an even harder time breathing now.

“I love you so much,” Harry cries.

“Love you too,” Louis gets out between gasps for air right as his eyes close. 

At least he's in Harry's arms. 

He's never felt safer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry.


	8. I've Put My Trust In You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry reflects on his time with and without Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is it. I've been working on this series for over a year now and it's finally done. I want to thank everyone for reading. It means a whole lot to me that you've stuck through this. This has been a long and, at times, painful journey for me. I hope you all enjoyed.
> 
> As always, all mistakes are my own.
> 
> And if you have any questions, comments or concerns or just want to come yell at me you can find me at   
>  [thoughtlessblogger.](http://www.thoughtlessblogger.tumblr.com)

**Five Years Later**

Harry's experienced a lot in his life. He lost his mother when he was too young. His father died when he really shouldn't have and Harry was left to take over for him when he wasn't ready, had his life threatened on more than one occasion and nearly been killed a couple of times. He's loved and lost. Loved again, found his daughter, lost love again. Found love again only to have everything explode around him. No one deserves it, he thinks. No one in the world.

***

The thing about loving Louis Tomlinson is you'll never get over him, Harry thinks as he stares down at the gravestone.

It's been five years to the day since Louis died in his arms and there's a horrible part in his brain that thinks that at least this time he knows Louis is actually dead. After all, the man did fake his death a couple of different times. But, then again, if he were here Louis would probably be saying the same thing, so he doesn't feel too bad about it.

Harry lets out a quiet laugh, smiling to himself at the thought of Louis joking about his actual death wherever he may be right now.

It's weird how Louis' death affected everything and continues to affect things to this day. Claire was inconsolable for weeks and there was a part of Harry – the selfish, mean, angry, grieving part of him – that wanted to tell her she didn't have a right to be upset because she'd barely known him and spent the last couple of days she had with him acting like he didn't exist and being vile to him when she did acknowledge him.

But he'd not said that because the rational part of him knew she was truly hurting. She had wanted so badly to have Louis in her life when she found out he was alive and had hoped for a relationship with him. And even though she was treating him so badly toward the end she still wanted that. She still wanted her father there. She still needed her father.

She'd spent those weeks locked up in her room crying and when she would come out she'd yell at him for things he had no control over. It was difficult dealing with her and his own grief, but he'd managed somehow and after he forced her into talking about it, she'd spent a whole night crying on his shoulder.

It wasn't a miraculous turn around, but she'd slowly gotten better after that. So had Harry, but Claire had gotten her life together again and somewhere during that decided she wanted to become a veterinarian. (Harry strongly suspects that had something to do with Dog passing away in that time as well, but he's never gotten confirmation.) She's halfway through her schooling now and Harry couldn't be prouder of her.

He knows Louis would be proud of her, has said as much in this very spot in previous visits.

Claire has told him several times in the past that Harry looks like a creep when he's here, talking to no one. Harry always tells her that he's talking to Louis and plenty of people do this sort of thing and that she shouldn't shame him for his way of coping. She never seems quite convinced.

Claire took Louis' death hard and wasn't afraid to show it to anyone who got close enough, but Harry did have a harder time than she did. He just couldn't show it because he had to stay strong around her. Being a parent is shit sometimes, but he needed to be there for her and he was. Unfortunately, he thinks pretending to be okay did more harm than good.

Dealing with the loss of Louis was something he'd done in the past, but actually being there as Louis took his last breaths in his arms made it harder somehow. He couldn't sleep for a long time, just laid in bed crying to himself about it. He didn't eat for a very long time, the thought of food enough to make him want to puke. If he hadn't been trying to make Claire feel better he probably wouldn't have left the house at all.

There were times when Harry had had hated Louis, been furious with him for dying, had cursed him over and over again. And when he did start sleeping again – only after crying himself to sleep – he'd have nightmares about that day, which would only make him feel worse. And sometimes in those nightmares he lost Claire as well. He'd relive that moment over and over. For a while, he thought he was losing his mind, but things got better.

It stopped hurting when he'd remember what happened. He stopped crying every night, stopped having the nightmares, started eating and started sleeping normally. It was a slow process, but he did get better. He stopped expecting to see Louis every time he opened the door, apologizing for anther fake death.

And perhaps that's why it was harder on him than Claire. Maybe that's why he envied Claire's grief like he did. Because Claire only had one experience with Louis faking his death. Harry had a couple, but he also knew Louis longer and loved Louis like no one else did. In his fucked up mind at the time, Louis was his to miss and no one else's. It wasn't fair to Claire, but he'd told her once a couple years ago how he felt back then, had been honest with her, and she understood, told him he should have talked to her about it then.

He hadn't, though. He didn't talk about it to anyone for a long time and occasionally found himself waiting for Louis to pop back up before he had to remind himself that Louis was _actually_ there that time. _He saw Louis die in his arms._ Louis was dead and never coming back. Not this time.

But Harry got better and he and Claire got closer, which he is thankful for. The selfish part of his brain had worried that Claire losing Louis would drive them apart for some reason. It was irrational and he knew it at the time, but he lost Ethan and Louis. He didn't want to lose Claire too.

And he didn't really lose Ethan. 

When Ethan had heard about what happened, he'd showed up to express his condolences. It had been awkward and Harry hadn't cared for much aside from the heartbroken teenage girl upstairs, so Harry has sent him away pretty quickly. 

It wasn't until another couple of months later that Harry and Ethan actually had a conversation. Ethan had eventually forgiven him for what had happened with Louis, but it was until they'd had about twenty different discussions about it – _all_ of it – half of those ending in yelling that they'd finally come to an understanding of how they felt about each other.

Ethan loved Harry and he loved Ethan. Harry made a mistake – a massive one – but Ethan forgave him and they worked through it. Harry made it a point to let Ethan know that he'd always love and miss Louis, but it didn't diminish how he felt about him.

They've been together ever since and Ethan sometimes comes with him to Louis' grave. Harry's not too fond about that actually because Louis was his, but it's nice to have company sometimes, especially there in the beginning. 

When Harry had lost his parents he'd been utterly heartbroken, but somehow losing Louis hurt worse and Harry feels the need to visit his grave from time to time. Their time together was doomed from the start and had been cut short. Being here helped.

Claire's not that type of person and only comes with him when she's in a particularly bad mood, so yeah, it's sometimes nice to have Ethan there, but there's always an air of awkwardness there when he's around. Ethan has told him he understands that Harry will always miss Louis and will always love him, said he couldn't ask Harry to stop. Harry appreciates that and he appreciates that Ethan tries when he's here, but sometimes Harry would rather have one of the lads with him because, aside from Harry, they knew Louis the best.

After Louis' death, Liam quit, retired to some remote island in the middle of the Caribbean with Sophia. Liam had handled it about as well as anyone in public, but Harry doesn't know if he was different behind closed doors. Liam's a tough guy to read, but he helped Harry and Claire a lot through the whole thing before he left. He shows up at random times with gifts. He never stays long, but he and Harry have kept in touch. Aside from the funeral, Harry doesn't think Liam's ever been here.

Niall, on the other hand, had appeared to handle it better than anyone, but had actually handled it the worst. He, much like Claire, became a moody son of a bitch and treated everyone like shit for months after it had happened, but tried passing his mood swings off on something else. It wasn't until Zayn had showed up one day and screamed at him for an hour before Niall started to deal with it.

He's moved back to the UK, sleeping in Harry guest room more often than not because he hates being alone and needs to know that Harry and Claire are okay. Harry had questioned him about that once and Niall had told him that Louis had made him promise many years prior that if something ever happened to him Niall would make sure Harry and Claire were taken care of.

Harry wanted to tell him that they didn't need taking care of, but he figures it's good for Niall to have something to focus on. He's always thought that Niall felt guilty for Louis' death, felt responsible for it, which was always part of Claire's problem since Louis died saving her, but it was always worse for Niall. He was the one being followed and didn't realize it until it was too late. He was the one they came after to save. 

Niall's never talked about it, though, and Harry's always been too afraid to bring it up for fear of setting Niall off again. 

Ethan's never exactly been happy that Niall stayed at their house so often, but Harry explained to him why, mentioned that Niall really wasn't okay with what had happened and Ethan softened up. Then he'd asked what Niall was doing when he'd disappear. Truthfully, Harry doesn't know. He hasn't asked, but he's sure he wouldn't like the answer. Not that he thinks Niall's doing anything bad, but it's hard telling with Niall these days.

Claire and Niall weren't the only ones who felt guilty for Louis' death, though. Zayn had openly admitted to him the day of Louis's funeral that he felt like it was his fault. He hadn't “pulled the trigger in time”. If he'd “only been a second sooner Louis would still be alive”. Harry didn't really argue with him about it because at the time he felt that exact same way.

They've not talked about that particular thing since then, mostly because Zayn had lost his mind for a bit, going after every single person affiliated with Keats. He'd disappeared for a couple of years, not even Liam or Niall knew where he was. Thankfully, Zayn had, at some point, realized he wasn't dealing with it the way he should have and stopped his relentless pursuit.

He still runs the agency and told Harry that when he hired someone to replace Louis' vacant spot he'd cried in his office for the next two hours. 

Harry's relationship with Zayn changed the most out of anything. Harry had always resented Zayn a bit, had blamed him for a lot of things that happened and hated him for it, but after Louis died they started talking a lot more. At first it was mostly about Louis, but then it evolved into other things. 

The turning point in their relationship was when they were finally honest with each other about hot they felt.

“I always blamed you for taking him away from me,” Zayn had admitted one night. “He was my friend, my colleague in a way. I knew if I needed or just wanted someone with me on a job Louis would always be right there in a second, but once you came into the picture things changed. And I blamed you. Unfairly because it wasn't your fault. Louis loved you and wanted to be with you and he wanted a family. He wanted more than his friends and his job. I had a hard time with that.” 

It hadn't been a shock. He'd always thought that was how Zayn felt about him and several minutes of silence had gone by before Harry had replied. “I blamed you for a lot of things too. Although, none of it was unfairly. You were the reason Louis was in my life. I hated you for that, then I wanted to thank you, and then I wanted to kill you for it. But I also blamed you for pulling him away so much. Liam and Niall would every now and then, but you, more than anyone, kept pulling him back into that life and it's how I lost him.”

They continued talking it out and they've become friends. They aren't as close as Harry is with Niall, but they are still friends and Zayn visits from time to time. He, more than anyone, comes with Harry to visit Louis' grave.

Zayn had asked him once if he had a time machine if he'd go back and do it the same way or if he'd change it. At the time, Harry wasn't sure, but he knows now.

He wouldn't change it. 

Louis was a lot of things. A liar, a killer, a criminal to name a few of the bad ones, but he was also incredibly generous, intelligent, loving and kind. His life had been shit and he made of it what he could. He was easy to fall in love with and Harry wouldn't change that even if it did bring him more pain.

There were a lot of bad times between the two of them, but there was a lot of good too and he got Claire out of it, so he can't complain too much.

Harry remembers the time when Louis had taken him to Cancun for absolutely no reason. They'd spent the entire time in the villa together doing nothing at all. It wasn't until they were on their way home that they realized they'd not done a thing while there, but it was one of the best times Harry's ever had.

Louis was himself in that villa, completely himself and Harry got to see all of Louis for one of the only times in their relationship. Louis was always a guarded person and he'd let his walls down for him, but never all the way. For whatever reason he did in Cancun and whenever Harry remembers that it always makes him smile. They were truly happy and Louis was so beautiful in every way and all they did was lay in bed for a week.

It's those moments Harry misses the most because even though there were times when Harry wasn't completely happy _they were_. 

Over the years Harry's thought a lot about their relationship with Louis and the thing he tends to focus the most on is Louis faking his death the last time. Harry hated when he found out, wanted to kill Louis with his bare hands for putting him through that, but he came to understand why Louis did it.

It was Louis' way of righting all his wrongs, of fixing all the wrong things in his life.

Louis was always, for as long as Harry had known him, tormented by his past – by losing his family in that fire when he should have been there too to every wrong thing he'd ever done. By everything that he'd done since that night. Louis never talked about it aside from a couple of times and even then he didn't delve too deep, but Harry could always tell.

Harry understands why Louis did it, but he can't help but wonder how different things would have been had Louis chosen differently. If Louis had chosen him and Claire instead of the job would they have stayed together? Would Claire have gotten both of her fathers? Would Louis still be alive? 

The most likely answer is yes, but Harry knows now that part of Louis' reasoning was that it was safer for Harry and Claire. The whole time they were together Louis was constantly looking over his shoulder, paranoid that someone would find him and come after Harry and Claire to get to him. And it happened.

Louis must have seen the job and faking his death as a way to protect them. He was a selfish person, but when it came to his family he never was. See, Harry had assumed that the decision was easy for him, that he was perfectly fine with leaving them, but he was wrong.

It wasn't an easy decision, but Louis' need to protect his family, like he couldn't when he was younger, was stronger than his need to be with them. Louis loved them with everything he had, but he needed them to be safe, so he left. Harry doesn't like it and never will, but he understands.

It's a sad thing that he understands Louis better now when he's dead than when he was alive and in Harry's bed. But that's how life is, Harry thinks dryly. It fucking sucks, but every now and then it'll throw something good at you and you have to make the decision on what to do with it.

Life threw Louis at him and Harry did what he could. He loved and hated Louis Tomlinson with all the passion that he had and he had amazing moments with him for that and a beautiful, intelligent daughter. He wouldn't change that, never in a million years.

So, yes, he'd do everything the same with one exception. He'd hold on to Louis a lot tighter than he did and never let go because he loved Louis and he always will.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks!!!
> 
>  
> 
> [thoughtlessblogger](http://www.thoughtlessblogger.tumblr.com)


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